To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

Well, yes, that’s what I mean alpine

Of course, what we should be doing in an ideal world is making girls - and boys - understand that they matter, not just the children they have when they themselves are children.

“If your 14, 15.....you can be sure you have eliminated ...”. Are you kidding me ? Do you get out much ? Hear the news ? Meet people with a range of different upbringings and attitudes ? What about young children/ teens acting as carers to their parents, young people dealing with parents who are abusive/ alcoholics/ young people going through illnesses ? Being sexually abused... the list goes on.

yeah the list goes on. I do get out. i do hear the news.

there are lots of teens in lots of horrible situations - caring when they should be cared for, in horrible situations. I feel for them and I want to help them.

What I don't do is pretend that these situations are GOOD for these teens. They are not. And similarly a 14 year old being pregnant isn't a good thing.

And could people please actually differentiate between a 14 year old having a baby and a 16 or 17 year old doing the same. Why is that so difficult. Because it is really very very different.

I think it’s pretty telling that among the anecdotes of all the Oxbridge judges/millionaire geniuses, not one poster has actually named any prominent women who had a child at 14 and subsequently went on to career success. In the 65million U.K. citizens, there must be a few?

I love reading about successful women, I am a nerd for stories about how they trained, their early career steps. Even more so if they have children - when they married, who they married, how many children and at what age.

Let’s just say, there are patterns. Patterns backed up not by anecdotes but by data - social science knows that who and when we choose to marry and reproduce with is not a lottery. Some choices have vastly better outcomes than others.

The children of 14 year olds have worse health and education outcomes, less family stability and much higher rates of poverty than the children of older mothers.

But back to those famous women. Where are they, the millionaire 14 year old mothers? The only prominent teen mother I can think of off the top of my head is David Tennant’s wife, and she was 17 - a big jump from 14. (And, of course, had a wealthy well-connected family to help her afford childcare and meet her career goals.)

Where are they? Why don’t they want to talk about how well they’ve done?

I'd assume that there are above-average odds that she's a flaky person who makes poor decisions.

I just cannot get past that. A 14 year old is A CHILD.

“If your 14, 15.....you can be sure you have eliminated ...”. Are you kidding me ? Do you get out much ? Hear the news ? Meet people with a range of different upbringings and attitudes ? What about young children/ teens acting as carers to their parents, young people dealing with parents who are abusive/ alcoholics/ young people going through illnesses ? Being sexually abused... the list goes on.

Oh and did you miss the bit where I said I was the child of a 17 year old mother????

For fucks sake this politically correct shit at the expense of the lives of actual girls and women drives me crazy.

Do they have to do incredible things?

Can’t they just be ordinary people with ordinary kids doing ordinary jobs?

Quite, staples.

The girl we knew was a surprise to my eighties school crowd, to day the least. We were far from the snooty, promiscuous crowd the time and she surprised us to the point of shock. Knowing what we do now, about the 80s ...

Who cares where OP went, they asked an interesting question lots of people care about.

I’d rather an OP who asks it straight then wanders off than some goady faker spinning a sob story for hours.

If the question interests you, answer it. If you want to chat to an individual about their real life conundrum, this thread never pretended to be that.

There's another angle angle to this I've always felt weirded out by, and it's the 'new little baby in the family by proxy' thing that I feel is sometimes forced on young pregnant girls by their own parents (sadly, often the mothers).

When I was having DC1, the girl opposite me in the ante-natal ward was ill, terrified, crying and only just 15. The boy was long gone. Her mother was claiming that baby as her own. I could hear the conversations and it was bloody heart-breaking.

I'll never forget it. Ever. She didn't want to be pregnant and she didn't want to have a baby.

So no I never judged that girl but I rather judged the boy/father and her parents tbh.

Oh and did you miss the bit where I said I was the child of a 17 year old mother????

Yes, I did read that and I’m sorry for whatever you went through with your mother but your experience of being raised by a teen Mum wouldn’t apply to every teen parent.

No, becoming pregnant at 14 isn’t good. It is hard, incredibly hard and I wouldn’t want that for my DS. However, generally, in life, you have a choice, you either wallow in self pity, feel bouts of shame, worry yourselves what other people think of having a child at an young age. Or, you can get up, accept what’s happened, learn from it, be a best parent to the child and get on with life.

I'd laugh my arse off if one of your kids just ended up being a 'mediocre' achiever rather than the high achiever you seem so focussed on. I feel sorry for them if they have to deal with you.

It's sad that the "mediocre" achievers seem so looked down upon. Surely without them we'd not have people to fill all the "mediocre" jobs. We can't all be surgeons and good lawyers, or business CEOs.

its no different to someone choosing to have their first when they are 40 or their last child being a surprise at 44

you can't possibly think that, it's idiotic

My sister was 14. I have to admit I was shocked. However, there are sad circumstances around it. (she was raped at a party)

I wouldnt be rude or give this person a wide berth though.

Where are they? Why don’t they want to talk about how well they’ve done?

Probably terrified of being judged by some of the people on this thread.

Probably terrified of being judged by some of the people on this thread.

Or that they don't exist.

Of course they do, are you really saying that it’s not possible to go to school/uni when you have a child?

Wow! So many judgemental posts on this thread.
I work with teens. Its not just your run down council house kids that are having sex at 14. Some of your naice middle class kids are doing it too.Doesn't matter how often you tell kids to wait, some think its ok. Many reasons....teenage rebellion, pressurised by boyfriend, they think they should etc etc.
Some are a bit more clued up about contraception or MAP, which is why they aren't pregnant, but you would be surprised at how many 14 yr olds are sexually active. Don't assume because you are a "good parent", your teen is a virgin. Reality would shock you.
And I certainly wouldn't judge.

I’m just saying that if there were more than the tiniest handful of 13/14/15 year old mothers who go on to Oxbridge and become millionaire High Court judges etc, they would be doing interviews about all the adversity they overcame.

And they’d hardly be terrified of judgement - the whole point is that they are amazing success stories.

are you really saying that it’s not possible to go to school/uni when you have a child?

No-one has said this. No one.

Course you would. Just a bit more quietly. We all judge.

@HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Exactly.

I went to school with a girl that got pregnant at 14, I didn't give her a wide birth then and I wouldn't now. I've also taught pregnant 14 years olds over the years. They come from all walks of life as nature has a way of dealing that hand to any girl regardless of their background. Some made great mums and were wiser than many adults I know, some did not, there is no rule, but I certainly wouldn't judge someone nor would I automatically feel sorry for them just because of one aspect of their lives.

They come from all walks of life as nature has a way of dealing that hand to any girl regardless of their background

thats just not true though, is it?

Are you seriously saying that there are 14 yo mothers at Oxbridge, in CEO boardrooms and barristers chambers, but they are all terrified of people knowing the truth? And that’s why they, (unlike many many prominent successful women who are interviewed in alumni magazines and trade rags as well as regular papers) avoid all publicity?

That’s why nobody can actually name even one, let alone the dozens we’d need to suppose this was in any way a likely outcome? They are shy. Not that they don’t exist, they are just worried about what we’ll all think.

Come on!

Yeah, someone actually said upthread that ‘it does not happen, ever’, someone else said are you living in a fairytale, then you said super successful woman who became mothers at a young age don’t exist?

And they’d hardly be terrified of judgement - the whole point is that they are amazing success stories - well I would be.

I know 3 girls who got pregnant at 14. 2 of them left school and finished their education from home, there were horrible rumours about them and the other lost the baby and covered the whole thing up, they gave birth in a toilet.