To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

@VladimirsPoutine at what age can it be decided?

I'm trying to work out when it stops being something to pity/judge/try to keep your naice middle class children away from, and becomes something where it's believable that someone may have succeeded.

A lot will, Vlad

I’m not trying to say that some stereotypes don’t become stereotypes because they are true. I’m not trying to say, imply or infer that having a baby so young is some sort of ideal, because it clearly is not.

However, many posts on here come dangerously close to suggesting that having a child young is not just a moment of youthful weakness, perhaps bitterly regretted, but one that actually must stay with the person forever: not in the sense that they will always be a parent but in the sense that an electric fence is put around the event - ‘you got pregnant young, ergo, you are stupid, ergo, you’ll never amout to anything anyway.’

Making confident assumptions with such certainty is not wise and certainly isn’t conducive to establishing a future for such a young parent where she can continue to grow and learn along with her child.

But the premise of your question is ridiculous @YassQueen. It can't be answered. And you know that.

Where has the OP gone? @Applestrawberryblackcurrant

pall... No, having a child at 14 won’t be a making of you and I doubt many posters implied this. Life, unfortunately is shit, it can come at you with waves and thunderstorms, you experience and go through things which you wouldn’t dream of going through.

I do think teen mothers need support, they will be face with lots of judgements, feel huge bouts of shame whereas they really should be focusing on how to support and nurture their kids to their best of ability. Not worrying what people think of them.

It’s comments like “her mother has sacrificed things from her life”. That made me not want to seek help from my mother to take care of DS whilst I was studying. Whereas, I hear elder parents rely on their parents for childcare whilst they are at work.

And sweet Jesus - judging her PARENTS?! Ffs! I had a lovely stable, calm, loving upbringing and I was bloody bonkers as a teen. Did all sorts my parents didn’t know about and would’ve shocked them to the core! Teenagers are all bloody hormone machines and don’t always make the best decisions, no matter how closely monitored / well parented / social class etc. People can be right dickheads with their outlandish judgements based on not very fucking much information.

@VladimirsPoutine but you can state with absolute certainty that it isn't at 14. Can you state with absolute certainty that it isn't 15? 16? 17? Where do you stop being able to state with absolute certainty that they can't decide they're ready? It's not a difficult question.

Still enjoying that blissful ignorance user? I'm not sure why you can't handle the idea of young parents succeeding but your attempts at patronization are funny, please do keep going

perhaps bitterly regretted, but one that actually must stay with the person forever: not in the sense that they will always be a parent but in the sense that an electric fence is put around the event - ‘you got pregnant young, ergo, you are stupid, ergo, you’ll never amout to anything anyway

Oh yes, I agree.

pall... No, having a child at 14 won’t be a making of you and I doubt many posters implied this. Life, unfortunately is shit, it can come at you with waves and thunderstorms, you experience and go through things which you wouldn’t dream of going through.

Actually some posters did make it sound like having a baby at 14 was no impediment at all to a phd and fab life.

My mother was 17 having me. It wasn't good for her.

If your 14 or 15 or 16 or 17 year old daughters DON'T get pregnant and Don't have a baby then you can be sure you have eliminated some of the waves and thunderstorms and some of the shit of life.

Middle class parents really get this which is possibly why middle class teens don't usually (yes there are always some who do) continue with their pregnancies.

Life is hard. Starting off at 14 with a pregnancy and all that entails physically on your body - and a baby - and all that entails for the rest of your life - as well as the psychological shit you have to deal with the father and his involvement or lack of involvement makes it harder. Not easier. My 14 year olds didn't have to deal with any of that shit.

I don't want to say anything negative about anyone kid who gets pregnant. Like I say I was the child of a teenage mother. But this attitude that ah well have your baby at 14 or 15 it'll be just the same as if you had them at 25. Fuck that.

user1490607838

Ha . I’m not even going to bother and reply to your post.

nearly 12 hours since the OP last posted, 400 messages. This has got to be a wind up.

It's not a difficult question.

It's a loaded question @YassQueen. I have already answered with as much clarity as my mind can fathom.

pallisers

“If your 14, 15.....you can be sure you have eliminated ...”. Are you kidding me ? Do you get out much ? Hear the news ? Meet people with a range of different upbringings and attitudes ? What about young children/ teens acting as carers to their parents, young people dealing with parents who are abusive/ alcoholics/ young people going through illnesses ? Being sexually abused... the list goes on.

Pall,I think the point with that is that most (all?) of the time, girls having sex that young are troubled in some way, whether that’s a straightforward teenage rebellion, abuse/grooming, troubled background (incidentally user, troubled backgrounds straddle across income and class divides) or some other reason, but I think we can agree that there is a reason, and that reason probably isn’t something positive.

Then, most girls would opt to terminate. If she does not, again, there is probably a reason for that and the reason is often (assuming mainland U.K.) to do with timing. A girl who didn’t tell people she was pregnant - and who no one noticed was tired/sick/plump - was probably again suffering in some way.

So for girls like this, having a baby young can give life a focus and meaning it didn’t have before: that really isn’t me saying they will of course go into oxbridge, but that we aren’t all starting from the same step.

Fact is , it's a load of utter bollocks that a 14 year old child having a baby, will be a high achiever. Never happens.

I doubt you know every single 14 year old mother in the world and where she is today. You can speak generally, you can't say it absolutely would never ever happen. There are always exceptions.

I knew of 4 teenagers who got pregnant whilst at school. 1 went on to university afterwards. She had a lot of support from her family, the teenage father and his family.

The other 3 all had older adult boyfriends who weren't interested. 1 refused to have an abortion and her family weren't great; the other 2 dropped out of school and didn't come back for exams. They seem OK parents but didn't continue for A'levels/University and aren't in highly paid professional jobs.

I think they were underage and possibly taken advantage of. I think the older boyfriends should have been prosecuted. I don't think their lives were destroyed but they certainly had it harder than others. They lost their childhood and were forced to become adults too soon.

Of course it is still possible to be a high achiever career wise, but it is going to be a lot harder to achieve.

So for girls like this, having a baby young can give life a focus and meaning it didn’t have before: that really isn’t me saying they will of course go into oxbridge, but that we aren’t all starting from the same step.

I got pregnant at 19, started Uni aged 21. My life was a complete fuck up because of me prior to getting pregnant because I thought - 'its just me, why do I care if I live or die or whatever? I can do whatever I want, I answer to nobody'. I was in full self-destructive mode.

Once I got pregnant, I got my life in order. If I hadn't of had my daughter to 'ground me' and make me feel I had something worth living for, I'd probably already be dead or just a homeless junkie.

Sorry, I was just agreeing with your point.

Well done OP for setting off a shitstorm with only one post, then pissing off and not bothering to come back. Good work 😒

OK, honestly? I'd assume that there are above-average odds that she's a flaky person who makes poor decisions. But I'd also remind myself to keep an open mind. Some people make mistakes early in life but grow up and mature into sensible people.

I'd judge on other information.

A friend at school, the sweetest, brightest, kindest, funniest young lady, left to have a baby.

USER - No one here is 'celebrating' 14 year olds getting pregnant ffs.

I'd laugh my arse off if one of your kids just ended up being a 'mediocre' achiever rather than the high achiever you seem so focussed on. I feel sorry for them if they have to deal with you.

You do appear to have a huge superiority complex but never mind.

You make a lot of assumptions on people. I'm not a teen parent. Nor are my kids. But I have compassion for people. Sometimes life doesn't go on a rigid path and not everything goes according to plan.

Maybe you should befriend Katie Hopkins - she's your type of gal!

Oh - and as you were HUN.