To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

"Not properly supervised"

Are you with your child all day everyday? Seriously all it takes is them to leave school at home-time and walk back to their boyfriend's house, if they even bother going to the house. Not sure how you can supervise that tbh, especially if the boy's parents don't supervise him/nobody is at his house. You wouldn't even know where she was in that situation, unless she felt like telling you the truth.

I don't think it was my guardian's fault at all. I have borderline personality disorder, so I'd say that was a main cause of my behaviour. Promiscuous and unsafe sex is a symptom, and though not diagnosable until adulthood, traits definitely can begin to manifest in adolescence.

As for trying to tell me who I can and can't be friends with , who I hang around with at school is not policable and DGM would have to suck it up. I'd let her know how prejudice I think her for it too. Seen as back in her day she was pregnant and married as a teen, had 4 kids by the time students now are leaving University.

I just hate that it always gets thrown back on the parents, sorry. Not all kids are controllable.

My best friend's mum tried to tell her not to spend time with me as I was a bad influence when I got pregnant. Thankfully she didn't listen but it felt so shit and isolating and horrendous, and I was 19. I was a whole 5 years older than these hypothetical 14 year olds.

You can't tell what someone's ambitions and goals are based on the age when they get pregnant. Sometimes these things are accidents and you adjust your plans accordingly, but you don't lose your ambition. The myth that teenage pregnancy only happens to girls who lack ambition is a major issue in public perception, which feeds into the self esteem of young women who do find themselves pregnant.

You owe it to your child to widen their horizons. If they spend their childhood only associating with naice middle class children just like them with the same goals and dreams, the real world is going to hit them like a ton of bricks when they suddenly have to interact with all sorts of different people and not come across as a sanctimonious arsehole.

I would judge her parents.

I wouldn't be bothered.

My mum had my brother at 15... it was the very first time she had sex and she didn't tell a soul. She wore girdles and when she went into labour it was thought she had appendicitis. She was put into a home for unmarried mothers and if she hadnt turned 16 before my brother was 6 weeks old then she'd have been forced to have him adopted.

She held down a job and single handedly raised my brother (and then my sister) in the 70s and early 80s before meeting my dad and then having my sister and I. She is the most optimistic, happy, fun loving woman and is a fantastic mother and grandmother. I think shes a bloody inspiration.

I wouldn't at all judge someone who had a baby as a teen... I'd support them and to an extent admire them as its bloody hard work having a baby at any age but as a child still i think the mother should be shown compassion not shunned!

I'd hope they prove the naysayers wrong and make a good life for themself and their baby. Be sad they've lost out on their care free years and face judgement whereas the lads probably got away Scot free

As an adoptee who's birth Mum had her at 14 I would think she was incredibly brave and I wouldn't judge her, not one little bit.

And I have never met my birth Mum.

You can still be all those things but want friends for your children that have similar morals, ambitions, values etc. you can't choose to be those things then sack off your friends when they're probably scared and vulnerable. Why wouldn't they have similar morals ambitions and values just because they got pregnant? They could have made a mistake for want of a better word or had a traumatic experience. Why would you want to potentially make a 14 year old friendless? Why would you choose to treat someone so badly?

I'd feel sorry for them, and for her parents specifically mother, who'd probably end up doing the bulk of childcare whilst the 14 year old finishes school, struggles to find a job, a place to rent as a young mother, etc..

I know someone who was 13 when her mid 30s boyfriend got her pregnant. She ended up either having the child taken away, or someone reporting her to SS, or she willingly gave the child away to the father and his new girlfriend (who was childless and suspect would have orchestrated it), I don't actually know.

Oh don’t worry snapper, the mother doesn’t always get lumbered

Is it worth pointing out that amongst all these stereotypes, everyone is individual and brings their child up as an individual?

But individual or not, a 14 year old schoolgirl is a 14 year old schoolgirl, oversky

One of my dd's friends had a baby at 15. dd was horrified and thought she'd made a very bad decision, mainly as she was very positive about becoming a mother and dd has strong views that parenthood is for your mid twenties at the earliest (which is of course partly due to parental influence). The girl had already moved and changed schools when the baby was born so dd lost contact but I'd not have discouraged the friendship, and dd whilst a bit judgemental would have been supportive.

I met the girl a few times and felt that she had probably chosen to keep the baby for love as she was brought up by an alcoholic neglectful mum and her dad only reappeared after she was put into foster care. She wasn't in a good place though, drinking, smoking weed and sexually promiscuous and I can't imagine that she would have made a great mum as she had no real family support or role models. I suspect she is more representative of a very young mum than the stories of millionaires and judges.

It's not just whether a child can make a good parent and more about what led to the pregnancy in the first place. Children who are loved and nurtured and see a positive future in education are much less likely to be pregnant at 14.

I had my DS at 15/16. I'm 23 now.

It was hard.

When I was pregnant with him, I was very sad. I wanted him to have the very best in life. Was in a shitty relationship with his dad, I couldn't afford the "nice" stuff that I would of loved to of bought for him. Materialistic stuff isn't important, and I knew that, but I didn't want to have to worry about money, struggling, I wanted to give my DS the best of everything.

I knew the only way to get out of this shit hole was to carry on through with my education and to leave the abusive dad behind. When DS was 8 weeks, I went back to my mainstream school to complete my GCSE's, straight after A levels, after that I got my Bachelors. Two days ago, I received news that I got accepted into the Master course that I applied for (I'm not too sure if I'll do the course to be honest). During all if this, I was being abused, had to deal with the emotional turmoil that my DS has special needs and attending various appointments.

Let's just say, life wasn't easy. I am in a better place now, I have a good job (though it's part time), DS is developing really well and is at a fantastic specialist school and I ditch the dead weight of his father.

So, I have to stick two fingers up to this comment "Or they went onto Oxbridge and became a physicist and are now on £99K a year. Sorry, but I don't believe any of this. Many people who DON'T have a baby in their mid teens don't achieve this, so I am damn sure a teen mum wouldn't. Only in the movies!!!".

It's interesting you say this "the baby, and is massively dependent on their parents (or other more mature adults.)". I've spoken to many adult parents who heavily rely on their parents to look after their kids. I bet they don't get much stick.

Back to the OP's question. Would I judge a pregnant 14 year old ? No I wouldn't, I would offer advice and support.

Plus, a few of my family member were persuading me to have an abortion. At that time, all I thought was "No fucking way". Looking back then, if I went through an abortion, it would of fucked me up mentally.

Yeah, so? What do you suggest, once the pregnancy is an established fact and too far gone to be terminated? That she walks around with a scarlet S sewed on her, in the spirit of Hester Prynne?

That’s so true about adults relying on their parents. There are teenage parents who have had to do it all alone, because their own parents rejected them.

When i was 14 ( i was one of the oldest in my class and it was only 3 months or 4 months after my birthday and she was younger than me) a girl came in late to class one day, bragging she was late as her mum had just had her at the doctors forcing her to get the depo shot.
The reason being she had just had to have her THIRD abortion.
All 3 to the same 17 year old boyfriend, they just didnt like the feel of condoms and she for some reason wasnt taking the pill correctly or at all. she was very open and was acting PROUD of the fact.

There were also plenty of pregnancy scares, and one girl who had missed 2 periods who then started very heavy bleeding that continued for 2 weeks and who was convinced she was having an abortion as she'd been having unprotected sex.

Nobody seemed to use protection, and this was AFTER we had been through the basic sex education. The 14 year olds i was at school with were clearly not mature or responsible enough to be having sex, as they all knew the risks and just didnt bother with protection, half of them were drunk at the time they were having the unprotected sex.

So no, i wouldn't judge her parents, and whilst sex ed should be more intensive and broad spectrum i wouldn't blame lack of education either. I would however, think she was silly and immature and had no business becoming a care giver in charge of a childs welfare at that age given she didn't have the common sense to use protection if she absolutely insisted on being sexually active, which nobody needs to be at 14.

To the people who would encourage their children to shun and exclude teenage mothers from their friendship circle

Would you extend this treatment to the fathers of the children?
If you had a male friend or relative who did not see his children or support them financially, would you also shun them, and avoid their company?

I would hazard a guess that the number of absent, csa dodging fathers far outstrip the number of 14 year old mothers, and do more damage as a result. Yet when do you ever hear of anyone shunning them?

I know a few teenage mothers, and although their situations are not ideal, they've taken more responsibility for their children than some adult men I know - men in their 30s with degrees, houses, well paying jobs.

I suppose it's easier to hang vulnerable teenage girls out to dry.

Just goes to show how different we all are yellow. Personally I'd feel I'd failed as a parent if my dd had a friend with a baby and my concern was that she might be influenced by it. I shouldn't worry though, even if you are raising your dc to be easily influenced, I can't think of any better way of putting a 14yr old off pregnancy than watching a peer raising a child.

A close friend of mine had her first at 15years 2 months. We met as adults when my DS(1 and only) and her DS3 were similar aged babies. I only realised how old she was after about 6 months.
The boys are now at high school, we still meet for coffee and wine- many events have happened over the intervening 12 years. Those things matter more than how she came to have her first baby.
I think she has been amazing, brave and strong. She’s a great role model and wonderfully kind.

How on earth does your child’s friend bear even remotely on your parenting skills?

Some people really do have to make everything about them, don’t they!

I have met a great many individual 14 year olds and none of them would have made great parents. It just isn't possible at that age imo.

14 years (for girls) is almost peak teen. When they reach the summit of their hormonal raging against the world and illogical sense of entitlement, they are the most monumental selfish arses who don't give a thought to what anyone else thinks (boys tend to reach this age at 16 or so).

So who would honestly put this 14 year old in sole charge of the ultimate in selfishness (any newborn baby) - the mix is not a good one.

You can still be all those things but want friends for your children that have similar morals, ambitions, values etc. I'd consider myself failing as a parent if I didn't guide my children's life towards a path that will stand them in good stead for adulthood. A big part of that is role models and friendships.

Honestly Yellowmakesmesmile, reading that left me with a sense of disgust, that my 15 year old has to attend school with children raised by people with your attitude to those less fortunate. I hope your child finds influences that are not you.

It's because teenaged girsl have obviously allowed someone to toucch their Sacred Vagina so we should scorn them to make sure we signal our virtue to everyone else