To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

I'd think badly of their parents - that they weren't properly supervised/educated on sex, consent etc, or that the young mum wasn't brought up in a stable home. I'd hope and expect social services to be involved.

I wouldn't want my DD in that young mum's company. Sorry but whilst I'd feel sorry for the young mum, I'd not want my DD near that kind of environment.

What link and who is being ignorant? Please tell us!

That'll teach me to tweet in a hurry

Link: #Youngmumschat

The ignorant comment was aimed at User

I can honestly say I would never avoid anyone regardless of their background, I judge everyone as I find them when I meet them, what's happened in the past is no business of mine, its what you do from then on that matters.

Where is OP?

I'd just like to add in all this discussion which I've been following and posting on from very early on. No-one has raised the question of whether abortion is morally right or not.

I think therein means there has been progress somewhere in people's thinking.

The fact is that in 9 times out of 10 at 14 the fathers can and will walk away. They simply aren't going to be as invested in NOT getting pregnant as the girl is/should be, whose life will get a LOT harder for the next few years.

Why would you think badly of the parents tho? Teenagers have sex you can't spend every minute of everyday with your child all you can do is make sure they are safe. Every contreception is not 100% guanteed 2 out of my 3 children are proof of 2 forms of contreception that has failed for me, it happens.

No-one has raised the question of whether abortion is morally right or not

Agreed. It's encouraging to see abortion being discussed by both sides as a choice.

Of ourse the outcome isn’t always negative. But it’s like the people who go on about not needing qualifications because Richard Branson and Alan Sugar haven’t got any. For every girl who has a baby at 14 and ends up a judge or a consultan obstetrician or a millionaire or a happy fulfilled mother there are hundreds who have their opportunities and choices drastically curtailed and end up frustrated and trapped.

I'd feel sorry for them and the baby. It's far from an ideal situation and the baby wouldn't have the usual start to life. Instead of mother and father (yes I know this isnt always the case) there'd be a list if other adults too. While this is great in terms of support I feel it's confusing to an infant.
I just hope my daughter doesn't have a baby that young. I'd be devastated for her.

I wouldn’t judge the girl or feel sorry for her child🙄. If it was my daughter I’d advise her to have an abortion but support her in whatever she decided, but my daughter will have loving and supportive parents. Many people don’t, and not everyone has a great life until they have kids either.

'So why is it fine for someone who is 36 to introduce an "encumbrance" to their life, but not for someone who is 16? '

Well, for starters, a 36 year old is probably far better placed to financially support a baby than a 16 year old. I can't believe the differences even need to be pointed out or that anyone would think a 14 year old or 16 year old is 'ready' to have a baby, even physiologically.

Just to add to my comment, I actually had my first at 18. Very young but we lived together and my now husband worked. I didn't rely on anyone for anything. We done it all ourselfs. A 14 year old couldn't do that.
Admittedly I'd still not want one of our children to have one as young as 18 neither. I regret nothing but want more for my own children.

When I meet teenage mothers I usually think how much more competent at baby care/relaxed they seem than I was at 30-something!

Think it’s horrible some people would discourage their children from socialising with a pregnant teenager. I hope to raise my DD to be kind to others struggling, not avoid them.

I wouldn't want my DD in that young mum's company

Me neither. I'd not want underage sex being portrayed as the norm or teen pregnancy. Nor the fact that at fourteen they think its ok to have a child with no means of financially supporting it but they want to anyway so their wants over rule the child's.

So why is it fine for someone who is 36 to introduce an "encumbrance" to their life, but not for someone who is 16

At sixteen a person will have barely completed their basic education much less further education. They won't have a job, no finances to support a child and certainly not a stable relationship. Whereas somebody at 36 is likely to be in a job or career so has the means to support a child, be in a long term relationship, finished education and be established in adulthood. There's a huge difference.

It’s not something I’d want for my children. I would want my children in committed relationships, post university before they thought about babies. I would judge as all people would.
I would wonder what bit of her sex education was missing that meant she ended up pregnant. I’d wonder why her mother hadn’t taken her for MAP if she had ‘an accident’ such as failed condom.
I’d think it terribly sad that a child was to become a parent and that this was very likely to impact negatively on the life chances of both the child and the new baby.
Then I’d be very accepting and supportive of the young mother, as the mistake had already happened and Society needs to minimise the disadvantage having a teenage mother brings.
LARC might be a good idea too! We all make mistakes but two pregnancies in teens would be reckless.

"Think it’s horrible some people would discourage their children from socialising with a pregnant teenager."
I agree. Horrible.

Well happily teenage motherhood is becoming more unusual, rather than less, so won't be affecting as many children. Because they are children.

I wouldn’t think anything and I wouldn’t assume. We all have different stories and backgrounds, who is to say she was raped, didn’t plan the baby and or had shitty parents.
At 14 you make decisions for yourself some good and some not so good. If she has stepped up and accepted responsibility for her actions then good on her.

I would want to give them a hug and support them tbh

I wouldn't want my DD in that young mum's company I don't understand this. Surely you would prefer to teach your daughter to be kind, empathetic, compassionate, good friend, supportive etc? But then it doesn't sound like you have those qualities so maybe you don't value them.

I would wonder what bit of her sex education was missing that meant she ended up pregnant

She could be missing none. Just because you have decent sex ed doesn't mean you pay attention to it every time you have sex. You could know the 'correct' things to do and just be reckless anyway.

Me neither. I'd not want underage sex being portrayed as the norm or teen pregnancy. Nor the fact that at fourteen they think its ok to have a child with no means of financially supporting it but they want to anyway so their wants over rule the child's.

With teen pregnancy rarer now than in the past, I highly doubt having one pregnant 14 year old as a friend is going to impress to your child that it's "the norm".

Surely you would prefer to teach your daughter to be kind, empathetic, compassionate, good friend, supportive etc

You can still be all those things but want friends for your children that have similar morals, ambitions, values etc. I'd consider myself failing as a parent if I didn't guide my children's life towards a path that will stand them in good stead for adulthood. A big part of that is role models and friendships.