To ask what you'd think about someone who had a baby at 14

[Applestrawberryblackcurrant]

Would this make you want to give the person a wide birth? Or would you not be bothered. Asking for friend.

No the 14 year does not need to be in a hospital getting an abortion, unless that is what she wants to do.

She has the right to have her baby like any other female has.

@NukaColaGirl your sister was raped and the rapist was always around? WTF. Did I read that wrong?

'I don't think most people would choose to have an abortion. '

I reckon plenty would, they just don't advertise it. What if the family cannot afford to pay to bring up another baby? What do they do, magic up some money?

If I met someone who turned out to have had a baby at 14 I would think that must have been hard.

I wouldn't make any judgements at all, just a general assumption that she had clearly been through some tough times, and made a brave choice to have her baby at such a young age.

Much to be admired about that. Strength of character, for starters.

Sorry @NukaColaGirl I just realised I did read it wrong. My apologies.

Every female should have a choice over their own body

Surely any loving mother would want to care for both their daughter and grandchild

I would stand by her and support her but nope no desire whatsoever to effectively start again with baby years when my child was 14

She has the right to have her baby like any other female has.

Righto. So she can't vote, join the army, join the workforce in a meaningful way and she cannot leave statutory education. BUT she has the right to 'have a baby'? Enter into a life-long contract at 14. Ok then. That's totally sensible.

'If that was really the best option for her, of course I would supportive, but people saying abortion is obvisiously the best option is surprising to me. Plenty of mums of fourteen year olds are still of child bearing age and for me adding another baby on the end of my family -reasonable common in big catholic families is massively preferable to aborting- I am surprised this isn't the consensus view.'

You're surprised most people don't live in large Catholic families and are happy to bring up yet another baby that's not theirs ? I'll be 49 when DD2 is 14. Won't have the time, energy, mental stability (I have bad PTSD) or money to bring up another baby. I've already made this clear to both her and DS.

The idea of persuading / forcing someone to have an abortion makes me feel sick..
Probably the same posters who on other threads talk about bodily autonomy and 'my body, my choice'.
Not judging a 14 year old who has an abortion btw, just the idea of pressuring them to do so.

YY.

As someone who has had 2 abortions & 2 children, with my own personal autonomy deciding the outcome of each of my 4 pregnancies, the thought of someone forcing me to choose their preferred option is abhorrent.

Forcing abortion is no different to forcing birth - both are disgusting.

Only got a son but I think I would rather raise a grandchild than the mother of his child be forced to have an abortion.

I can understand people saying they wouldn't want to, it wouldn't be their choice...but would you really not even offer ? As I said DM always let us know that it was on the table if Dsis or I found ourselves pregnant, I kind of thought it was a given.

And if she decided to have an abortion then I would fully support her with that as well.
Every female, whether she is 14, 24, 34 etc... has the right to make that choice without people being dickheads about it.

What I would think is that she had had a tough time of things in terms of upbringing or education which made her vulnerable.
I wouldn't assume someone abused her but I would think her self esteem was rock bottom and she felt she wasn't worth better.
I'd feel very sorry for her and the hard path she has ahead of her.
She should have had an abortion and I really hope she was given this option and received proper advice about what continuing with the pregnancy would mean for her.
Is this a member of your family OP?

I probably would give someone who had given birth at 14 a bit of a wide berth. I'd certainly assume we had so little in common that there would be no common ground between us.

I would assume she'd been poorly educated and not had great parents, if I'm totally honest.

Righto. So she can't vote, join the army, join the workforce in a meaningful way and she cannot leave statutory education. BUT she has the right to 'have a baby'? Enter into a life-long contract at 14. Ok then. That's totally sensible.

Yes that's right! Doesn't really matter what you think, it's not your choice. It's her choice, her baby, her body.

I had my first at 15 so no judgement from me.

I did get judged a lot though especially when DS was small, and he had certain friends whose parents wouldn't let them come round to play which really upset me. When he started school I can remember inviting a few of his friends over and a parent texting back asking if there was going to be a proper adult there (I would have been 19 by then). It was really hard to make parent friends because we had so little in common and my friends stopped spending much time with me, not out of nastiness, but just because a baby limits what you can do. we've stayed in touch and I see them a bit more now but its now the other way round, my DC are old enough that I have some freedom again and they don't wake me up at the crack of dawn mostly because I'm not sure they know what dawn is while my friends are all at the exhausting baby stages and have to plan leaving the house as if it were a military operation.

DS is nearly 14 now and is pretty damn amazing, but I still get little snide remarks from people when they realise I'm his mum, and he's had a few people tell him how amazing it is he is doing so well despite having such a young mum, which really upset him.

@Stillwishihadabs I think most parents would support their child through the decision making process. But the child would need to understand what the reality of being a parent would be if that was their choice. So I wouldn't unconditionally offer to effectively parent the baby for them, I'd be clear that they would be fully responsible for the baby.

49 is hardly 70 and as others say they don't stay 14, I reckon it would be for about 10 years. TBH I'd rather care for a new baby than the MIL which might well happen

I had to make the choice and no way was I going to be bamboozled into abortion even though I was 17

I have two friends who had babies at 14. They both did a good job. If anyone judges, they're not worth bothering with.

'I can understand people saying they wouldn't want to, it wouldn't be their choice...but would you really not even offer ?'

You really assume everyone can offer? Plenty of people have to work FT just to keep the wolf from the door. With a 14-year-old they no longer have to pay for childcare, they may well not be able to afford it, at all, ever. Or be able to get up at night to look after a baby, or go through or afford buying clothes for a growing child again, or be lone parents who have no support and therefore unable to offer to bring up another baby, or have other children needing support on the earnings brought in, or be in already over-crowded housing with no space for a baby/toddler. This does not make them not loving or 'DM'. It's just a fact of life for a lot of people and a lot of reason why abortion is the most sensible choice for a 14-year-old.

The mind boggles that people can't see outside the own box to realise this.

A relative of my sils became pregnant at 15. By 21 she had had a third. All the same bloke, on every occasion he’s. It stuck around for long. She’s 23 now and the last time I saw her I thought how tired she looked. And how much older than her years. Her children however, are lovely. Very well brought up. She’s quite well supported but it must be hard for her.

'49 is hardly 70 and as others say they don't stay 14,'

Did you miss the part about my serious mental health issues? I'm doing the best I can with a lot of help from doctors/psychiatrists but nope, could not take on a baby/toddler. Not ever. That's why DH and I made sure it doesn't happen.

I would think 'why did she not have an abortion?'

I would not judge badly and certainly not think she has been raped, or had a bad childhood, or poor parenting. Accidents can happen to anyone.

But as I said, I would not understand why she would keep it. You are a child at 14, and do not have the emotional maturity, or any income or a job, or a place of your own, and the relationship with the father of the child will probably not last. You set yourself up to a life of drudgery if you have kids young.

I have known 4 or 5 girls have a baby at 16 to 18, and they have all got their own flat or house. Every last one of them is clueless about how to look after house and home, and the baby, and is massively dependent on their parents (or other more mature adults.)

A cousin of mine got married at 16 - just 2 months after she left school (in the early 1990's,) to a man of 33 who was a bachelor, who had lived with his mum til the age of 32.

She moved into his 3 bed semi, and he 100% expected her to do all the housework and cleaning and cooking and wifework and childcare. (She didn't work.)

We went round a few times, and she gave him his evening meal - crackers and cheese, and a yoghurt, OR a pot noodle and a kitkat. I shit you not. She took the washing and ironing to her mum's, and she didn't have a clue how to do housework.

Within 3 months, the house was a fleapit, and stunk really bad. The baby was looked after by her mum half the time, and at every available opportunity, she was round her mum's house.

She went out with her teen mates every Friday and Saturday night (til 4am,) and mum and dad looked after baby from Friday evening til Sunday evening most weekends. Her husband wouldn't do it, that's woman's work!!!

Her husband kept moaning, and saying she was a terrible wife and mother. But that's what you get when you marry a girl who is not an adult yet.

And please spare me the 'me mum got married at 16 and had 3 bairns by 19, and was an amazing wife and mother who could sew, knit, cook, bake, drive, and fly a plane by the age of 18,' coz I won't believe you. Most girls of 16-18 y.o. are not mentally and emotionally equipped to run a home and raise babies.

Also, a few posters claim they know a girl who had a baby at 15, and they still did their A levels and went to uni, and are now nurses/vets/doctors yada yada. Or they went onto Oxbridge and became a physicist and are now on £99K a year. Sorry, but I don't believe any of this. Many people who DON'T have a baby in their mid teens don't achieve this, so I am damn sure a teen mum wouldn't. Only in the movies!!!