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AIBU?

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Original poster

So, I'm one of 'those' mums...

380 replies

Tootsings · 22/02/2018 21:57

I worship the ground my DS walks on and I don't know how to stop myself Blush

I watched a video titled "To the love of my son's life" in Facebook - basically an emotional video with emotion prodding music, telling the mysterious girl or boy that I'm doing my best to make him into a lovely young man. One day he will want to spend his days off work with you, will want to spend time with you blah blah, but right now he needs and wants me".

Goes on to say how proud I will be on the wedding day and how I promise to love you too, for you are the person he's chosen, etc etc

I watched the video crying and then felt a sudden rage that one day someone would be stealing my DS from me!

One day I won't be the only woman in his life! (Providing he's straight)

Another woman will fill his heart with love Angry

Is this how those MIL threads come about, from horrendous mums like me? Blush

I think I'm a bit obsessed. I iron his vests and feel slight guilt if he's forced to wear one I haven't ironed. Even if you can't see it under his immaculately ironed things.

How do I get a grip?

I tell DH I can't have any more children, in terrible fear they won't live up to my magical DS and his amazing charms and looks.

I realise I must be quite unhinged but at least I have the good grace to admit it... I think

OP posts:
mmzz · 23/02/2018 09:45

Extrapolating how you will feel in 2 years / 5 years / 10 years / 30 years time from the bond you have with a little baby is a mistake.

Just enjoy it for now and go make friends with local parents of similar aged children, if and when, you either need the support or decide that your DC would benefit from some socialisation with DC his age.

By the way, I bet you won't be happy with your son's teachers! They'll have him for most of his waking hours and they won't do things to your liking but they won't take guidance from you either.

DappledThings · 23/02/2018 09:48

I'm just commenting to say I think "worships the ground he walks on" is a normal phrase too and it isn't weird to use it about a baby not walking. It's just a metaphor and I don't know why anyone picked you up on it

MammaTJ · 23/02/2018 09:52

I used to secretly feel like this about DS, but, well, he is 11, smells and only ever wants to play on the playstation, so I have gone off him now. He can marry, leave and smell somewhere else whenever he is ready to do so.

GeorgeHerbert · 23/02/2018 09:57

Don't worry it will wear off! Ds is 16 and whilst I feel a bit panicky about his leaving home for uni, I would not mind him having a girlfriend at all (as long as I liked her..)
My d is still incredibly close to his Mum (84 and 64 respectively). It's lovely and actually makes me really respect the person he is.

TabbyTigger · 23/02/2018 09:58

This is nuts! But at least you know that...

eeanne · 23/02/2018 09:58

Wow if this is how mothers of boys feel it explains my MIL problems 🤣

I live my daughters fiercely but the thought of them having partners doesn’t fill me with jealousy.

HotelEuphoria · 23/02/2018 10:00

You obviously only have one.

fantasmasgoria1 · 23/02/2018 10:01

Not saying who because potentially outing. Someone I know has babied their son, been overly obsessed etc btw this boy is 16 now and acts like a child and it’s obvious to the outside world this obsession is weird!

FranticallyPeaceful · 23/02/2018 10:01

Crazy coconuts

Yogagirl123 · 23/02/2018 10:04

I can understand how you feel a little, as I love my two teenage sons to bits, but nothing good ever comes from making you child your complete world. It’s about balance. I am looking forward to my wonderful boys meeting their partners and hoping to be a supportive MIL. There is so much to enjoy watching your little one grow, don’t worry about the future make the most of the present, because they grow up so quick.

TheInstantGratificationMonkey · 23/02/2018 10:09

I totally get this OP. I had a DD first and it was a difficult birth, she was a colicky, angry baby who rarely slept or smiled - I found it hard to bond with her and enjoy motherhood. I was ravaged by tiredness and a constant feeling of anxiety that I must be doing something wrong.

Two years later I had my DS who was an easy birth, and the world's most contented, giggly, loving, easy baby who slept like a dream. I was totally knocked out by my love for him - I would describe the feeling as euphoric, and it went on for many months. I felt guilty that I had never felt my way about my DD, but at the same time, so happy and 'in love' that I didn't actually care Blush.

Fast forward a few years - my DD is now a lovely, calm, funny, easy-going 12 year old, and my DS, albeit still very gorgeous, is the unpredictable, moody, more 'difficult' one of the two - we constantly walk on eggshells around him. So, just saying... give it time!

VileyRose · 23/02/2018 10:10

I agree 'RE teens. My son was adorable. My little man. He is 13 now and yes stinky greedy teenager.

thecatsarecrazy · 23/02/2018 10:11

Yeah hes cute and cuddly now. It may change later and you would pay someone to take him off your hands. I have 3 sons love them dearly but yes....

Hakarl · 23/02/2018 10:25

This thread made me think of Lucille and Buster Bluth.

I honestly do not feel like this at all about my DS (6 months old) but then he's not my first born.

I do remember bawling my eyes out holding my tiny newborn DD and listening to Bridge Over Troubled Water because I loved her sooo much (still do, obviously).

But I have never felt jealous of either of my children's relationships with others, present or future. I also don't really understand when other parents talk about being sad that their children are growing up. I mean, I sort of get it, and perhaps I will feel it more when they get older (DD only 2.5) but so far I have never been sad or wistful at my children progressing in life. I expect that does kick in more as more time passes, but I know people who have talked about how sad they are that their little baby is now sitting up or eating solids or whatever and I just can't bring myself to get nostalgic over that kind of thing.

C8H10N4O2 · 23/02/2018 10:26

How do I get a grip?

Have another one. By the time you get to #4 you will let them feed themselves with cold curry from the fridge and snack from the cats bowl.

Married3Children · 23/02/2018 10:30

I dont think I’ve ever felt like this.
I was much more about celebrating their achievements, being happy that they could (finally!!) do x and y.
And then they became teenagers. And I absolutely love them being that age. And now I’m dreading them leaving!

thornyhousewife · 23/02/2018 10:42

I cannot relate to this at all and find it a bit disturbing. In the same way that that dad's are overprotective about daughters.

Genuinely don't feel that way about my kids. They are not my pets - most of their life will be spent away from me.

cheshiremama89 · 23/02/2018 10:51

@Tootsings I can get this.
DS is only 3 weeks on Saturday and I feel overwhelmed with love.
The thought of anyone meaning more to him than me breaks my heart.

I had a terrible labour and he had a rough time after birth and so we've had a rocky start x

Needingsomeadvice · 23/02/2018 11:23

I could have done without watching that video too, happy2bhomely. And it is not like I didn't know what it was because I've seen it before! And my DS turns 11 next week (probably why I'm blubbing now, he won't be with me on his birthday, he's away, and it hits home how there are a finite number of these things where he would WANT to spend it with me and yet he can't!).
OP, can totally understand how you feel, but you're meant to feel that way - he's 4 months. I would worry if you were talking about a 14-year old, but 4 months I think it's probably a survival mechanism for the human species to ensure you will take good care of him while he's so vulnerable. And I promise you, if you have another child, you will love them as much. As he gets older, you will gradually (hopefully!) be able to let him become more independent, but you still have time. Savour every moment, as now I look back and wish I could see my tiny boy as he was then (still love the big version of him, even when he's being grouchy and hormonal).
Oh and they still have a vice like grip on your heart when they are bigger kids, only it's worse as they can talk and can sometimes crush you and not even realise it Sad.

Mummyel1 · 23/02/2018 11:59

ahhh 4 months old... This is just young love. I was the same and now the son I felt like this over is nearly 8 and has a little brother. Ps, that obsessive feeling wears off but the love is totally still there... And shock horror, sometimes his school shirt is creased under his school jumper WinkGrin

Laserbird16 · 23/02/2018 12:03

Of course YABU but you know that. The baby crazy is very strong, especially when they are so little! I'd be more concerned about ironing - aint no one got time for that

Sallystyle · 23/02/2018 12:06

Ahh this thread is quite sweet.

He is just a baby still. You will change.

I can't wait for my 18 year old son to meet a man and fall in love. Back when he was a baby I might have felt differently.

It's not disturbing at all. It will be if you still feel like this when he is a teenager. But at 4 months it is perfectly acceptable.

mergrey · 23/02/2018 12:07

You sound crazy but at least you know it😂

MargoLovebutter · 23/02/2018 12:09

Aw, Tootsings, he is 4 months and you have full on baby love.

When he is 2 and throwing a massive tantrum about nothing at all & you can't get him to bend in the middle to do up the safety belt on his car seat - please, please remember this thread.

kevinkeeganlovesme · 23/02/2018 12:18

It's fine. I felt exactly like that at 4 months. Wiley worse in fact.

Ds is four now and I still bawl at the thought of him leaving home but it's getting tempered by comments like yesterday's "sometimes I even love poo more than you because I don't love you or want to see your face ever again I just want Dad." (Because I wouldn't give him my Crunchie when he'd just eaten his.)

Angry
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