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Original poster

To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

521 replies

BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 17:56

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

OP posts:
Musicismylife · 22/02/2018 20:09

We shouldn't be getting the brooms out because a woman has decided a different pregnancy choice than we would choose. Where does this stop?

Do we berate women who have had abortions,too? After all, that's a pregnancy choice Hmm

Bluedoglead · 22/02/2018 20:12

What expat said.

I’m a nice person. I like plenty of blokes. But if they had young kids younger then mine I knew I did t want that. That doesn’t make me. Bad

expatinscotland · 22/02/2018 20:13

'Gosh, what does it matter if someone has 3 children by 3 different co-parents, what ever the gender? As long as the person is a good parent, it doesn't really matter.'

Oh, give over! It matters a lot, one visit to the step-parenting board shows that up crystal clear. A person can be a good parent, but if they have 3 young kids, things are going to be different from someone with no kids, grown kids, kids by one amicable ex v. three of them. C'mon. The double standards on this thread are something else.

WitchesHatRim · 22/02/2018 20:22

I agree with @expatinscotland

It perfectly possible to be a nice person and like someone but still not want to be with them for any reason.

RaisinBread · 22/02/2018 20:24

How did the co-worker announce this to you? Was it casually, was it pull you to the side kind of heads up bear did tell mutual friend xyz just thought he should know.

I mean for some men those facts about you would be a deal breaker. Just because we all have our own personal baggage meters.

3 kids by 3 women would be a deal breaker for me if I was still dating.

I think the fact she told you she'd let this slip to your date that she isn't too faced. She had the balls to be honest to you. Rather than say something behind your back and you later being forced to confront her.

RaisinBread · 22/02/2018 20:26

But it also does show that she prioritises his friendship over yours.

blackberryfairy · 22/02/2018 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoolCarrie · 22/02/2018 20:28

Do you think she could be lying about telling him? Just to put you on the back foot? Go and have a good time.

TheLegendOfBeans · 22/02/2018 20:29

@bearsandhearts what you've said on this thread makes it crystal clear that you've got absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - all yyou've perfectly measured and right and this cow is no friend.

I hope you have a lovely date with this guy.

DeathStare · 22/02/2018 20:32

I wouldn’t want to waste my time dating someone with kids younger then mine and I’d prefer to know before hand

I guess many people have something that's a deal-breaker for them, and that's OK. But (IMO) if you have a deal-breaker (whatever that may be) it's up to you to ask the other person directly early on.

But that's not what happened here. I very much doubt he said to the friend "look... I could never have a relationship with someone who has kids by more than one person, so how many fathers do her kids have? And I could never go out with someone who had cosmetic surgery, has she?"

And if he had asked the friend that (which I'll bet my bottom dollar he hasn't!) then a decent friend would have told him to ask her directly himself.

AgnesBrownsCat · 22/02/2018 20:32

Oops I obviously meant a man with 3 children by 3 different women . Thanks for correcting my mistake, I’m sure it was very much appreciated as so many probably aren’t aware that men can’t actually have children with other men regardless of what society would lead you to believe .

BougieQueen · 22/02/2018 20:36

Sorry she isn't a mate. What a cow.

DeathStare · 22/02/2018 20:36

And I couldn't be with someone who had spent thousands on cosmetic surgery when they had three children

You don't know she spent thousands on it. In some cases a boob-job is free. Or maybe someone else paid for it (a friend's parents paid for her because her boobs were completely different sizes and it made her very self-conscious and anxious about going out, what she wore, etc) Maybe she had the boob job before she had DC. Or maybe she's a multi-millionaire and the cost of a boob job is a drop in the ocean to her.

JacintaJones · 22/02/2018 20:36

Tbf all the women stating that 'they wouldn't date somebody with three DC by three fathers' are well within their rights to do so.

If however they imagine that they can extrapolate their opinion to include most men they'd be very much mistaken.

Men are less picky on the past partners/DC front when the woman in question is engaging, gorgeous and good in bed.

Its just how they are OP.

Women are bitches and men want a good looking partner. C'est la vie.

Have a fab date. I hope he's worthy of your time.

AgnesBrownsCat · 22/02/2018 20:38

And women can be as liberal on here as you want but 3 children by 3 fathers or 3 mothers is not exactly something to aspire to . I realise shit happens and death and divorce etc aren’t predictable but I would not date a man with that amount of baggage .
Someone mentioned abortion and judging women for having one . One is a mistake , I wouldn’t judge that . More than one I would judge and I’m not ashamed to say so .

PeppermintPasty · 22/02/2018 20:40

Blimey, MN has changed. There's a revolting undertone on this thread that if a woman has sex (more than three times maybe? I dunno), and shock horror decides to do what she wants with her own body, then she is fair game to be scorned and insulted.

Horrible.

From what you've said OP, the woman has said it to shit stir. Detach from her, enjoy your dates with this man.

getrunningirl · 22/02/2018 20:42

Why would she tell you she said that? It's bad enough that she did - I'd make a joke of it when you meet the guy (though she actually might not have said it?)

BookHelpPlease · 22/02/2018 20:42

It's only bitchy if you see having 3 kids by 3 men and a boob job as a negative...

Winteriscoming18 · 22/02/2018 20:45

If a man had three dc to three mothers and wasn’t with any of them he would get roasted alive.He would get called a waste of space. I remember one thread where someone was dating a man who had three dc to three different moms and the drama that was involved was no end with the existing mothers and contact. She was advised to end the relationship before she became baby mama no4.

PeppermintPasty · 22/02/2018 20:51

He wouldn't get roasted by me, unless he deserved a roasting for being a crap dad. Same with a woman.

RebelRogue · 22/02/2018 20:52

1.she doesn't actually like you

Or

2.she likes you well enough but at work and she doesn't want you part of her personal life,which is a possibility if you date her DH's friend.

Gemini69 · 22/02/2018 20:54

She is jealous and pissed off you and the 'friend' have hit it off.. Flowers

Enjoy your date Grin

sallyandherarmy · 22/02/2018 20:55

Hilarious!

I once told a man, that was chatting up my sister, that she was now married to her 3rd husband and had 5 kids with 3 different men. All true.

Made no difference to her, or him. They had a full on affair for 2 years.

So I think you are pretty safe.

Men kinda like it.......

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 20:59

thanks to the sensible comments. He has texted again and were going out tomorrow still

OP posts:
MermaidTailUnicornHorn · 22/02/2018 21:00

I don’t think this whole she doesn’t want to be friends with you. Look I’m sorry but she’s probably jealous, the excitement of a first date etc she’s married and doesn’t have that anymore.

But I do think you should have told him you have children (regardless of how many fathers are involoved).