Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

521 replies

BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 17:56

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

OP posts:
Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 15:57

All those who would worry about their son being near me. What if I made your son happy? What if he couldn't live without me? Would you cast me aside due to having 3 children

OP posts:
Estellanpip · 25/02/2018 16:00

It doesn't matter, Bear. You're not looking to get into a relationship with anyone's mother-in-law.
Decent people don't judge others. The world is full of decent people. In general threads like these just give a selected few to come out of the woodwork to expose their bigotry or ignorance. Don't pay any attention to it.

Estellanpip · 25/02/2018 16:01

Selected few the opportunity*

LML83 · 25/02/2018 16:17

If you asked me what I want for my son in a partner it's someone who he loves and loves him back. They treat each other well and work as a team.

I would always judge a partner on how they treat my son, not how many children or children's father they have.

Hypothetically it's straightforward, they meet and fall in love and have children (if they want). Realistically if the above criteria (in love, treat each other well) is met i would be delighted, the rest doesn't matter.

Colleague is a horrible person. Glad the date went well.

Risen · 25/02/2018 16:27

Do people really think women have children with different fathers for the shits and giggles?

This.

Risen · 25/02/2018 16:34

Nothing to do with having sex but the majority of people don't have a baby with every new partner Hmm

And if contraception failed, what would you suggest?

mikeyssister · 25/02/2018 16:42

Abnd if OP had said she'd had 3 abortions how many people would be judging her for that.

If my son met you I wouldn't want him to have a relationship with you OP because you're a woman and he's only a boy (well in my mind). It would have nothing to do with the fact that you have 3 kids or had a boob job. I would be full of admiration for you for working with three children. If he was in a committed relationshio with you I'd hope you'd let him build a relationship with your children and DH and I with you and them.

5plusMeAndHim · 25/02/2018 16:44

And if contraception failed, what would you suggest?

ah, that old chestnut!

3 times!!

The bottom line is that having a child with someone should be taken very seriously and one of the concerns is whether the relationship is going to last forever. Making a 'mistake' as to the suitability of a man three times looks like fecklessness!

twinone · 25/02/2018 16:45

Bloody hell, this doesn't make a great read. Such a pity some have such a poor opinion of the OP.

Hope you enjoy your future dates bear

5plusMeAndHim · 25/02/2018 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RebelRogue · 25/02/2018 17:12

It's a bit pathetic when people look through other's posts to find proof of "unsuitability ".

Did you have a little giggle and rubbed your hands maniacally thinking "AHA!!! She's no good! I have proof!!"

She has sex..so what?

logicalmum · 25/02/2018 17:14

So what if the ops had 3 different kids with 3 different men. What about all those men out there who father loads of kids to different women and then don't even support them.Theres loads of them about, and they don't seem to get judged harshly.

ShiftyMcGifty · 25/02/2018 17:17

Well if u I had sex only 3 times in my entire life and every single time, it resulted in a contraceptive failing and a pregnancy, I sure as hell wouldn’t be ever having sex again.

But then again, it’s a completely stupid argument with no logic behind it.

WitchesHatRim · 25/02/2018 17:20

What about all those men out there who father loads of kids to different women and then don't even support them. Theres loads of them about, and they don't seem to get judged harshly.

Yes they do. On MN anyway.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 17:57

Well I have to say this thread had opened my eyes! It's obvious some women really wouldn't rate someone like me but others have been very lovely so thank you x. He has texted again and were hoping to meet next week

OP posts:
mikeyssister · 25/02/2018 18:06

Great news Bear. Have a wonderful time.

But based on this thread obviously you mustn't ever have sex with him.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 18:09

[grin

OP posts:
Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 18:09
Grin
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2018 18:23

Making a 'mistake' as to the suitability of a man three times looks like fecklessness!
Oh do bog off. Its awesome you've only had one or two relationships in your life and that each man has been prefect. Really, its lovely. But life isn't that black and white. People change, they grow apart, they show sides they deliberately kept hidden. So one abusive relationship is a shane but two is your own fault? Should OP have stayed in an unhappy relationship because being miserable is a,better example than to be separated / divorced??

And as someone else asked, how many kids by how many partners IS acceptable before you're a feckless trollop who should buy some cats, stop shaving and become a recluse?

YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/02/2018 18:56

The bottom line is that having a child with someone should be taken very seriously and one of the concerns is whether the relationship is going to last forever. Making a 'mistake' as to the suitability of a man three times looks like fecklessness

That's exactly it. It's not the number of children but the number of fathers. There's not much of an age difference either so the relationships can't have been that long.

That's why I would put a son off, when he has children I want it to be long term and serious not one of many.

CheeseyToast · 25/02/2018 19:02

Your colleague was outrageously mean, she really isn't a friend. You need to raise your standards for friends. Possibly partners too. All the best OP

Glitterspy · 25/02/2018 19:02

Not nice. Where is the goddamn sisterhood in that?! I bet she's one of those "I speak my mind, it's not mean if it's true" imbeciles

Glitterspy · 25/02/2018 19:06

Jesus just read some of the horrifically judgmental comments below. Not everyone lives life to the same scorecard, rein it in/don't bring your judgement here please.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 19:11

If you must know the history. My first child was from a 4 year marriage. I met his dad at university and we were together 8 years. When my son was 4 months old he decided parent life wasn't for him and disappeared. My second child was from a short relationship. His dad moved back to his hometown and didn't stay in touch. Last i heard he'd emigrated to Canada.
My third child was with a friend I've known all my life. Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out but were still firm friends and co parent all 3 of the children. I'm hardly a huge tart

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 25/02/2018 19:12

I wouldn’t want to date a bloke with three kids by three women in the background.

At least, they’d better be in the background because if he had no contact with any of them, that would make him even less tempting.

If friend/colleague knew beforehand that her pal doesn’t want to date single parents and/or single parents with multiple baby daddies (couldn’t think of another word for it), I don’t mentioning it to him is so terrible.

The stuff about the boobs was pathetic.

And why she’s telling you any of this is unfathomable. Confused