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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

521 replies

BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 17:56

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2018 13:55

Because she's deliberately gone out of her way to tell this bloke personal information which isn't hers to share? Because she clearly hoped it would cause some sort of drama? Op knowing she's fine nothing wrong and the friend hoping the guy would disagree clearly puts the friend in the wrong

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 13:56

Pria do I have to explain again?

OP posts:
ThatsWotSheSaid · 25/02/2018 13:56

This thread is odd. I’ve never known such disgusting comments on mumsnet. I assume all the people slagging the OP off have only ever had sex with one person?
Well done OP looks like you might have got a decent bloke who can see through your ‘friends’ bollocks.

Genever · 25/02/2018 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 14:02

My mum is 60 that's not elderly

OP posts:
BishBoshBashBop · 25/02/2018 14:03

I assume all the people slagging the OP off have only ever had sex with one person?

I think the issue some have, and I'm not saying they are right by any means, is that if an OP was to say they had met a man who has 3 DC by 3 different women the man would probably get called all names under the sun and the OP get 'warned' about what they will be like. So why should it be any different the other way around?

WheresTheHooferDoofer · 25/02/2018 14:10

Genever Sun 25-Feb-18 09:47:32

I think it's really shocking that you spent your mum's retirement funds on a boob job for yourself, even more so when you have three children to look after.

That money was meant for your mum to support her in her old age.

What on earth makes you think the OP's mum isn't making her own decisions about her own money?

Mummadeeze · 25/02/2018 14:19

If I was your friend and he had asked me about you I would have said 'oh, she is really nice. Such a good laugh, I hope you get on well on your date'. It was up to you to tell him about your children, relationship history and surgical procedures. I would tell her to stop oversharing on your behalf in future. It was either gossipy and indiscreet or an act of sabotage in my view.

Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 14:26

The fact is most men put looks and fanciabity ahead of anything else when they meet someone/are looking for a date.
You might not like that it it is a fact.

They might prefer it if a woman doesn't have kids but it's not top of the list.

Most woman the ops age have children. Again a man might wish she didn't have but they are going to be severely limited on choice if they only date childless women.
Add to that the fact he most likely wants someone who be fancies rotten and again this will top the list.
Fake boobs - I'm no expert but I've never heard this put a man off dating a woman.

Also as much as we like to thooi that women don't find feckless men attractive, not true.
Thousands of men don't give a damn about their children. They don't pay sufficient maintenance or take responsibility for them.
Yet they are not short of female admirers.

I know lots of supposedly sane women who have hooked up with total twats.
They encourage these men to pay less maintenance ands see their children less frequently.

Look on here at the boards, they are filled with women who are with men who had children before they met.
I think you are deluding yourself if you think a man won't be attracted to a beautiful woman because she has 'a past'.

Geepee71 · 25/02/2018 14:27

Bears, hope your next date goes really well, it's a kind of nice time when you're getting to know someone new and being excited when they text/call you.

Genever · 25/02/2018 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/02/2018 14:31

Because she's deliberately gone out of her way to tell this bloke personal information which isn't hers to share? Because she clearly hoped it would cause some sort of drama

Or maybe because friends look out for each other. I'd warn a friend and would want to be warned if a potential guy had self esteem issues that led to cosmetic surgery for vanity purposes or had a child within every relationship.

I assume all the people slagging the OP off have only ever had sex with one person

Nothing to do with having sex but the majority of people don't have a baby with every new partner Hmm

starlightafar · 25/02/2018 14:33

Christ alive. If my daughter had a hundred kids by a hundred blokes and wanted to feel attractive, if I had the money on retirement, I would gladly see her enjoy it.
You are all against it thinking that she shouldn't be allowed to feel sexual again because her sexual behaviour doesn't match your moral judgements. In 2018 it is fucking disgusting that so many WOMEN are quick to criticise other womens' lives.
Shame on all of you, who are clearly similar to the friend in this scenario. Fucking 'warning' someone. Can't believe you all.

Frequency · 25/02/2018 14:33

Do we know OP's mum is not a millionaire or has a few hundred thousand stashed away for retirement? I don't remember OP posting anything about her mother's overall income.

If she offered, I'd assume it was because she could afford it and not because OP is some money grabbing harlot but that's just me.

starlightafar · 25/02/2018 14:41

Frequency she's obviously a harlot as she has 3 kids with 3 men. She should stay saggy and untouched forever more.

Frequency · 25/02/2018 14:45

I still want to know when women who are unlucky in love have to stop having children to maintain their morality.

Am I okay with two by two or am I already doomed? If I meet another man is kids totally out of the question or do I just have to wait a certain length of time? Does it matter that I married dad number two and then he chucked me out in a fit of alcoholic rage?

I need answers.

Whocansay · 25/02/2018 14:50

Bloody hell, there are some seriously judgemental people on this thread. And for no reason. Some of the PPs are making all kinds of assumptions based on nothing at all.

Is the OP not allowed to be happy because she happens to have 3 children by different men? Is she supposed to be tarred and flogged?

Glad you enjoyed your date OP. I'd distance myself from your 'friend' to be honest. Whatever her motives, she doesn't have you back,

Estellanpip · 25/02/2018 14:55

Sorry, I've read this post before. I wonder if the same woman has form for this? Hmmm. It is definitely a provocative thing to say.
It doesn't matter one jot whether you have three children by three fathers, a boob job, or anything else. No one knows your circumstances.
Some people are threatened by others and use silly tactics which will never work if the person you are trying to get to know is a mature adult.

iheartmichellemallon · 25/02/2018 15:20

Of course, It's only a bitchy comment if you judge someone for having three children by different men and plastic surgery. The responses on this thread suggest that most Mumsnetters do see these things as class or morality markers...
*
I agree completely with the above - if you're not ashamed (& you shouldn't be), then nothing to be bothered about. I would also tell a friend if they were going to date someone with children purely as I think they've a right to know & I wouldn't feel right as a friend knowing something like that & not telling them.

Hope it all goes well for you Op.*

5plusMeAndHim · 25/02/2018 15:30

lots of virtue signalling on here, but would any of us who would not worry about their son hooking up with someone with 3 by 3 ? ReallY?
The colleague was looking out for friend, not wanting him to get trapped

Frequency · 25/02/2018 15:32

Trapped? Op has a trap now? Is it a net or a cage?

I really need to brush up on my reading skills. I'm missing half the bloody thread!

RebelRogue · 25/02/2018 15:38

@5plusMeAndHim trap? Did she have it installed at the same time as her new boobs? Or does she keep it in her purse?

Is it like a bear trap or more humane?

YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/02/2018 15:39

lots of virtue signalling on here, but would any of us who would not worry about their son hooking up with someone with 3 by 3

Goodness no, I'd tell him to stay clear and that there are plenty more fish in the sea. Most would.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 15:42

So I'm not worth a relationship then or even a few dates?

OP posts:
Estellanpip · 25/02/2018 15:56

Who could anyone know that she hadn't been abused or cheated on in multiple relationships then as a result decided to leave the unfaithful man and after a number of years, pick herself back up and try again only to end up with another adulterer?
That's how I ended up with 3x3. It blows my mind how narrow minded some people are. Do people really think women have children with different fathers for the shits and giggles?