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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is unnecessarily bitchy?

521 replies

BearsandHearts · 22/02/2018 17:56

Will try to keep brief!
Last Friday I went out with some work colleagues for drinks. Whilst out my colleague/friend bumped into her husband who was with his friends. I hit it off with one of the men he was with and we've been texting with an aim to meet up soon.
My colleague knew this and seemed very keen for us to meet. However yesterday colleague told me she'd seen this man I'm due to go out with as he's a mutual friend. She said quite casually ' I told mutual friend you've got 3 kids by 3 dad's and you've had a boob job'. I told her she's being bitchy and not to put ideas in this man's head. Why would you tell someone that?

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 25/02/2018 07:55

Sounds like she thinks you're not good enough for her husbands mate.
Or, she's not as much of a friend as you think and she doesn't want to end up doing double dates or ending up at the same events etc if the relationship between you goes somewhere.

Or maybe, she just felt he had a right to know what he was getting in to before he had a chance to develop feelings for you as there's n osaying when you would have mentioned those things to him.

Jobjobjob · 25/02/2018 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jobjobjob · 25/02/2018 08:05

Or maybe, she just felt he had a right to know what he was getting in to before he had a chance to develop feelings for you as there's n osaying when you would have mentioned those things to him.

So you're saying that he develops feelings for OP, but as soon as he finds out how her children were conceived, he'd have to drop her? Even though he has feelings for her? Really?

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 09:10

Genever is that relevant?

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/02/2018 09:25

what would it matter if you had 3 children by 1 man, or 3 by 3 men. They are ex's regardless

It makes a huge difference, all by one dad would mean the long term relationship had ended but three different dads means somebody thought a baby with each new man was a good idea rather than creating stability for the existing children.

As for spending a persons retirement fund on cosmetic surgery that's for vanity purposes, that alone says an awful lot.

Genever · 25/02/2018 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MNHQ
ClaraMumsnet · 25/02/2018 09:47

Hello all, we've received a number of reports on this thread. Can we remind you that personal attacks are against our Talk Guidelines, please? Just because the thread title is "unnecessarily bitchy" doesn't mean you have to be, too. We're going to delete some of the personal attacks on this thread now - please do stick to our Talk Guidelines. Peace and love.

blaaake · 25/02/2018 10:01

This thread is horrible

londonmummy1966 · 25/02/2018 10:03

Just RTT and I'm glad you had a lovely date OP.

Could I put a different point of view which is that if you were excited about having met someone you liked your friend might have been concerned that you would be hurt if he decided that you had too much "baggage" some way down the line? Not saying it was her place to say anything but I can see that a concerned if interfering friend might have thought it was for the best for all concerned?

Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 10:09

Glad the date went well op.

Your colleague sounds bitchy but at least she hasn't spoilt things.

Fwiw one of my best friends haddock a noob job and it would never cross my mind to tell people.

Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 10:10

Boob job not noob job!

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2018 10:10

YellowMakesMeSmile you have no idea what life OP gives her children, whether from 3 serious relationships of 3 one night stands

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2018 10:15

And as a grown woman Op's mom can do what the he'll she wants with her money. Unless there's a suggestion of coercion or bullying, it really is no one's business

Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 10:18

Just as a matter of interest how old are you op?

Don't most people have children nowadays?

branstonbaby · 25/02/2018 10:19

She's 34 Belinda.

Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 10:21

Thanks bran.

I think discarding someone for having children would dramatically reduce your dating pool.

Namechange16 · 25/02/2018 10:38

A man with 3 kids by 3 different women would put me off and many others. Sorry, but it's true and the truth hurts. Having so many kids by different men on face value looks like you've made some bad life choices. This bloke has only got face value to go off.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/02/2018 10:50

He doesn't have just face value to on. He has mouth and ears

SilverBirchTree · 25/02/2018 11:23

She’s mean and interfering. I would keep my distance from her, she doesn’t mean you well.

As some people on this thread are no better.

JacintaJones · 25/02/2018 11:27

Fundamentally what we have here is a lot of women getting very upset that a man will overlook what they perceive to be the moral failings of another woman because he fancies her.

Society tells us that if we are 'good girls' we will win a 'good man'.

Many of you perceive OP to be a woman of loose moral character and therefore undeserving of a 'quality man' if that's even what the man in question is

Society lied to you.
All men take up with the prettiest face/most engaging personality that they can, wholly irrespective of your arbitrary moral judgement.

I hope this life lesson proves advantageous to you all.

Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 12:20

I'm 34 my children are 8, 5 and 18 months old. Not discussing boob job again after this my mum paid willingly for a birthday present from her retirement fund.

OP posts:
Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 12:58

Thank you mumsnet for removing the j appropriate posts

OP posts:
Original poster
BearsandHearts · 25/02/2018 12:58

Oops inappropriate

OP posts:
Belindabauer · 25/02/2018 13:14

I agree with Jacinta.

PriaMaicel · 25/02/2018 13:40

If you think it's ok to have 3 kids by 3 different men and to use your mum's pension on a boob job then why is it bitchy for this friend to tell the new guy this?