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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who you feel is in best position/you'd want to be?

276 replies

sundowners · 22/02/2018 14:18

Humour me. Its me and 2 friends. Not saying which I am.

Woman 1-
Works in successful, high powered city job. In a good marriage but often barely sees husband during week. 4 day week but work often spills over. Has 1 lovely child but stress of combining work/family has put her off having more/feels she has left it possibly too late as 40s anyway. But studied hard at Uni and carefully paved out her career ladder to get where she is and friends are envious of her career- has money, success and child but a lot of stress.

Woman 2- Late 30s, single with amazing media job/hangs out with celebs in glam places. Lots of travel/events/inflexible working hours so couldn’t continue current job is had a child. Lives in lovely flat by herself- loves the freedom of this. Loves her lifestyle but also always longed to settle down/have a family. Goes on dates but they never lead anywhere- feels pressure of clock ticking as most friends are or have married/had kids by now.

Woman 3- went to good uni and was ambitious but lots of short term job contracts in 20s/being made redundant meant she re-started at bottom of ladder. Then met her husband (successful/high earner) and has 2 lovely kids. Is in a middle of the road role but on 3 day week. Still feels resentment/shame/regret at working in mediocre role and frustrated at self for not establishing a better career prior to family to reflect her good education. But loves the flexibility of 3 day week/4 days at home with kids. Has no work or pressure to take home so can switch off.

OP posts:
theworstwife · 22/02/2018 14:37

I am 1 but mid thirties, some days I’d like to be 3, but most days I don’t Wink

DextroDependant · 22/02/2018 14:38

I would like to be woman 3. Infact all I am missing is the rich husband.

Forgeteverythingandremember · 22/02/2018 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1499786242 · 22/02/2018 14:41

3!
But I don't care about a career at all
For me time with kids etc is more important
But i would be happy in that situation
And lady number 3 isn't so I wouldn't want unhappiness if that makes sense!

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 22/02/2018 14:43

I have seen glimpses of 1 and could
Have been her but it would have made me very unhappy. Good luck to those for
whom that is the right model

Woman 3 is probably me too but I’m okay with that.

ReggaetonLente · 22/02/2018 14:44

Honestly, I’d be number 3, and likely will be once my baby is born.

No one gives two hoots about my prestigious education other than me!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 22/02/2018 14:45

I am (on the way to being, no kids yet) 3, but I’m not resentful, I don’t regret anything and I feel no shame about working in fast food.

I love my job, have great friends, great felixibilty and lots of time with DH. Just waiting for a child to come along to complete us and then we’d be perfect Smile

I could never be number 1 (would hate to rarely see DH) and I would hate to be number 2 (DH and I are childhood sweethearts; I couldn’t imagine being single at such a late age).

Slanetylor · 22/02/2018 14:47

But woman 1 only works 4 days a week. That doesn't seem too bad. Also it means she's in a flexible job and could be possible to cut down to a 3 day week. I wouldn't like woman 1 if she worked 5 or 6 days a week, but 4 is a lot less than most. Are you overstating her stress levels?

GlassHalfFullOfWee · 22/02/2018 14:47

I’ve actually been all of those women at various points in my life (although when I was woman 1 I was younger).

I’m currently woman 3 and happier than I have ever been.

But that’s down to my personal circumstances and the path I took to arrive at this place. If I felt I’d compromised my ambitions or missed out on opportunities I can imagine I wouldn’t feel as content to be where I’m at now.

Flomper · 22/02/2018 14:48

1, with a couple more kids

NewYearNewMe18 · 22/02/2018 14:49

I'd rather be 1.

2 will end up old and alone - think Patsy from Ab Fab

3 will always be unfulfilled and end up shagging the tennis coach and drinking gin thinking "what if"

I too have friends like these !

PlanNumber · 22/02/2018 14:51

Is it an either/or choice? I have lived lives close to all of those women and they've suited me for different reasons at different times.

Slanetylor · 22/02/2018 14:51

I'd love to have been woman 2 in my twenties but would hate to be in my 40s hanging out with teenage celebrities.

trixymalixy · 22/02/2018 14:52

Woman 3. 4 days at home with the kids would be far more valuable to me than a well paid job.

Having said that I am sort of between woman 1 and 3 in that I am well paid, but working part time and being made redundant has had a detrimental effect on my career and I sometimes feel resentful that I'm not as far on in my career as previous colleagues.

Ladyformation · 22/02/2018 14:52

I'm a mix of 1 and 2 - live with DP but no children yet or ever. I could never do 3 - takes all sorts!

Dogsmom · 22/02/2018 14:54

Definitely number 3, part time job, financially secure, lots of family time, hardly any stress.

I am number 3 and nothing you describe from 1 and 2 appeal to me in the slightest.

saladdays66 · 22/02/2018 14:55

I'd want to be 3. You have dc - you have plenty of time to work on your career.

Woman 1 - stress, doesn't see loved ones - doesn't outweigh earning good ££

Woman 2 - may have left it too late to meet a man and have dc. She might regret that for ever. BUT balanced out by fab job and life. DC are not the be all and end all.

JaniceBattersby · 22/02/2018 14:56

In my fantasies I’d love to be woman two but, actually, I could easily be if I focused on my career in the media. But I haven’t ,which tells me that I’m happy being woman number three, even if I do have a few regrets about what could have been.

ProfYaffle · 22/02/2018 14:57

I'm woman 3 but without the negative feelings. I enjoy my job, it's not high powered but not nmw either so I guess mediocre but that feels like a loaded way of describing it.

I'm very happy.

BlondeB83 · 22/02/2018 14:57

Woman 1 or 2.

Redpony1 · 22/02/2018 14:59

I'd like 1 or 2!

Fluffyunicorns · 22/02/2018 15:01

Number 3 without the shame - Want to enjoy my life and children

Elendon · 22/02/2018 15:01

I knew someone who was 1 but she decided that her child was more important and came to the realisation that she could probably do without the husband. She resigned from work, but they came back to her and offered position 3 with no loss of money!

Reader, she ditched him.

Originalfoogirl · 22/02/2018 15:03

None of them seem happy. I wouldn't want to be any of them.

Pistachiois50pmore · 22/02/2018 15:03

Woman 3 because her problems are the most fixable. If husband is genuinely as nice and supportive as it sounds, she could retrain / take on more fun freelance work / start a blog / do an OU Masters. Maybe not do any of those things RIGHT NOW, but they would be achievable goals.

Woman 1 and Woman 2 might not ever get the time back and might have regrets in old age which is heartbreaking.

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