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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask who you feel is in best position/you'd want to be?

276 replies

sundowners · 22/02/2018 14:18

Humour me. Its me and 2 friends. Not saying which I am.

Woman 1-
Works in successful, high powered city job. In a good marriage but often barely sees husband during week. 4 day week but work often spills over. Has 1 lovely child but stress of combining work/family has put her off having more/feels she has left it possibly too late as 40s anyway. But studied hard at Uni and carefully paved out her career ladder to get where she is and friends are envious of her career- has money, success and child but a lot of stress.

Woman 2- Late 30s, single with amazing media job/hangs out with celebs in glam places. Lots of travel/events/inflexible working hours so couldn’t continue current job is had a child. Lives in lovely flat by herself- loves the freedom of this. Loves her lifestyle but also always longed to settle down/have a family. Goes on dates but they never lead anywhere- feels pressure of clock ticking as most friends are or have married/had kids by now.

Woman 3- went to good uni and was ambitious but lots of short term job contracts in 20s/being made redundant meant she re-started at bottom of ladder. Then met her husband (successful/high earner) and has 2 lovely kids. Is in a middle of the road role but on 3 day week. Still feels resentment/shame/regret at working in mediocre role and frustrated at self for not establishing a better career prior to family to reflect her good education. But loves the flexibility of 3 day week/4 days at home with kids. Has no work or pressure to take home so can switch off.

OP posts:
Royalfuckup · 23/02/2018 22:29

@Molly

But the way the OP described woman 3, she didn’t make sacrifices to have children. She was unable to get a foothold on the career she wanted, however, her DH is able to support her financially. Big difference.

FingersCrossedHard · 23/02/2018 22:32

Woman 3. I shudder at the thought of a 'high powered city job' tbh.

LynetteScavo · 23/02/2018 22:37

Reading no' 2 made me stressed...that was so nearly me. It looked great/glam from the outside but I knew I couldn't combine it with DC. and I knew I really, really wanted DC.

I now work in a very mediocre role, which fits in with DC. Much like your number, and I'm genuinely happy. Smile

So from where I'm sitting No'1 looks pretty good, but I've never been there. And I'm not sure I would have been 100% happy if I'd stopped at 1 DC.

curlyrebel · 23/02/2018 22:45

Woman 1 seems to have it all but it can't be great for your relationship to hardly see your other half. I'd want more work/life balance.

Woman 2 still has time to find the right man and settle down, but I've been in her position and hated the uncertainty of not knowing if I was going to have a family or not.

Woman 3 could still make something of her career when her kids are a bit older. I'm guessing she's not so stressed, but not feeling fulfilled when you're an intelligent woman could get you down.

I think I'd go for 2 though. Having freedom from responsibilities (other than work) and getting to travel and have fun in your job is ace. I feel like she could still have a child too if she really wants it.

snowpo · 23/02/2018 23:08

I'm most like 3, private education, university and didn't use any of it to any great advantage. I've always felt I guilty I should have made more of it and wished I'd made more effort. But recently took on a new role which could give me more opportunities. I've realised actually I was much better in my no stress 3 day job I didn't have to think about when I was at home. I'm so grateful I got to go to sports days, plays, school outings etc and I'd hate to have to come home and get the laptop and start working at 10pm like some of my friends/family.

PossiblyPFB · 23/02/2018 23:23

I personally certainly identify most with woman 1 - and it works great for us. Family dynamics are individual and aren’t necessarily able to be formulaically judged for a ’best’ outcome vs others! I have friends in many different situations and wouldn’t think to compare my challenges with theirs as we all have them...

aurynne · 23/02/2018 23:49

I wouldn't want to be any of the three, they all sound sad and dissatisfied with their life.

SundaysFunday · 23/02/2018 23:53

Woman number 3.

A balanced life and time with my DC is my top priority.

Lucked · 24/02/2018 00:20

Well on paper I am woman 1 but with two kids, I even work 4 days per week although not in the city.

What is missing from the description is how much I enjoy my work, it is fulfilling and very very interesting and my personality type means I cope with stress.

Having been to private school and university I have many close friends who started out in those high powered law films. Many of them did make a committed move out of that environment to in-house lawyers or into organisations. Infact most of my friends are a combination of 1and 3 interesting skilled jobs but with work life balance. I think women 1 in your description should try for baby number 2 if that is what she wants, she will make it work even if it means a a career move but more than likely it won't.

OldyMouldy · 24/02/2018 00:25

I am 3 but only still earn a good salary - even pro rata. It's frustrating to have your career plateau but I have a really nice work life balance. Have talked to DH about increasing hours when Dc starts school in Sept but my job does my head in full time. So better to stick where I am and not quite have it all but most of it. Just my perspective having pushed for money and responsibility for ten years...

MrsSkeletor · 24/02/2018 01:51

I was 2 now due to sudden disability much more of a 3, sigh. Not happy.

VladmirsPoutine · 24/02/2018 02:06

Why are you being so coy? Who are you in all this and what is your opinion?

Trills · 24/02/2018 09:17

Once the excitement of pregnancies/babies/young cute kids end and you see friends coping with moody teenagers/divorces

That really depends on what you like.

If anything I'm more likely to be jealous of people having interesting young humans in their house than I am of them having babies or toddlers.

WhyBeDennyDifferent · 24/02/2018 15:03

Hellloooo op?

Chatterbitch · 24/02/2018 15:41

Woman 3 has flounced.

LilaBlue · 24/02/2018 16:01

I think she's 1.

Topbananas · 24/02/2018 16:03

Op is 2. What a tease of a thread

LolitaLempicka · 24/02/2018 16:20

I would be 1 or 2. I would hate to be so resentful like 3, that I would start a judge thread to try to get everyone to agree that despite not having the glamourous lifestyle, the successful career or the nice house, her life is obviously the best.

Tyrianstoe · 24/02/2018 16:52

I'd be happy with any of them tbh. Given my life is a shit show in comparison Hmm

LaurieMarlow · 24/02/2018 17:58

This is no fun if the OP doesn't come back.

At first I thought she was 3. Now I'm thinking 2 is a possibility.

Mummadeeze · 24/02/2018 18:08

I am none of these as I enjoy my job, it is creative and pays relatively okay, but if I had to be one of these I would be Number 1 because I am fed up of budgeting and constantly worrying about money. I manage stress well and would welcome the extra income, so it sounds like the best option to me.

shortsaint · 24/02/2018 19:19

I'd say 1. Hard work but long term best place to be to give her the opportunities in life. And 4 days - can't complain at that. Still 3 day weekends with family.

2 will get fed up and resentful. Likewise 3 once the kids are grown up.

Morley19 · 25/02/2018 20:43

Op where are you? You promised to come back!

PastaOfMuppets · 25/02/2018 20:48

OP probably doesn't want people to tell her she made a huge big deal out of nothing ... she wanted attention and got it and now doesn't want any criticism

dreamingalwaysdreaming · 26/02/2018 10:18

although you wouldn't start a thread with anonymised women if you didn't want unvarnished comments eh? Op, come back, people who should be working need to know!