To ask who you feel is in best position/you'd want to be?

[sundowners]

Humour me. Its me and 2 friends. Not saying which I am.

Woman 1-
Works in successful, high powered city job. In a good marriage but often barely sees husband during week. 4 day week but work often spills over. Has 1 lovely child but stress of combining work/family has put her off having more/feels she has left it possibly too late as 40s anyway. But studied hard at Uni and carefully paved out her career ladder to get where she is and friends are envious of her career- has money, success and child but a lot of stress.

Woman 2- Late 30s, single with amazing media job/hangs out with celebs in glam places. Lots of travel/events/inflexible working hours so couldn’t continue current job is had a child. Lives in lovely flat by herself- loves the freedom of this. Loves her lifestyle but also always longed to settle down/have a family. Goes on dates but they never lead anywhere- feels pressure of clock ticking as most friends are or have married/had kids by now.

Woman 3- went to good uni and was ambitious but lots of short term job contracts in 20s/being made redundant meant she re-started at bottom of ladder. Then met her husband (successful/high earner) and has 2 lovely kids. Is in a middle of the road role but on 3 day week. Still feels resentment/shame/regret at working in mediocre role and frustrated at self for not establishing a better career prior to family to reflect her good education. But loves the flexibility of 3 day week/4 days at home with kids. Has no work or pressure to take home so can switch off.

I'd want to be 3. At the moment I'm somewhere between 3 and 1. I'm definitely not 2!

What do you think a glamorous media job is?

From the scenarios you describe, no 1 sounds the happiest with her life. No 2 doesn’t appeal to me. And no 3 sounds like a very unequal relationship and she feels bad about not being in a fulfilling career

No. 1, because her issues are the most easily resolvable - if she really wants another baby, she should start trying. Doubtful it would truly 'ruin her career'. She could find a new firm in a few years if she wanted.

No. 2 sounds sad and lonely and a long way off getting what she wants from life. No. 3 sounds unhappy and full of regrets and not in a great place - as though her career stagnated which she resents so she will just have another baby and compound her employment difficulties.

But really, I just want to know which one is you, as I think MN can collectively talk you through your current circumstances and get you to where you want to be!

I'd like to be woman 3.
She has the family everyone else wishes they had. Ok so her career isn't exactly as she planned but who ever says on their deathbed 'I wish I did more at work/on my career'. Most people regret not spending enough time with their family. At least woman 3 has the opportunity to develop a career at a later date and have the family life many people would give their hind leg for.

1. Because she has everything it's hard now, but will get easier. There is hope on the horizon. She's got all the balls, they're just hard to juggle right now.

Whereas number 2 may never meet mr right (understandably choosy) may never have kids or anything to focus on except for career. Childbearing has a timeframe. It's a biological fact. She may not get all the balls nor the chance to juggle them.

Number 3 reminds me of myself, not brilliant either tbh. Got the balls but some are punctured.

How old is woman #3?

I am 2 but with a less fancy job and not that much money. I'd love to make a transition to 1.

Nonsense about what people think on their deathbed. I’m sure lots of people do have regrets about missed opportunities and unfulfilled potential.

I’m not saying having a high flying career is the be all and end all. But it’s such a cliche to suggest that young children are the only things that matter in life. Life is about fulfilling a range of different aspirations.

I’m not sure which one I’d want to be. I’m not like any of them (yet).

Placemarking.

phoenix: 1. Because she has everything it's hard now, but will get easier. There is hope on the horizon. She's got all the balls, they're just hard to juggle right now.

Good point. It does get easier for 1s and then it gets great.

I was woman 2, but without the ticking clock or the need to be in a long term relationship. It was fucking awesome.

I am woman 3 and loving it. I always assumed I’d return to a “proper career” once dcs we’re older but I’m 50 now and my oldest is only 14 so I’m slowly realising that I will probably forever b3 woman 3. I have the occasional twinge of “what if” but on the whole I am happy. I have plenty of woman 1 and Woman 2 friends and I don’t feel envious of any of them so I guess I’ve made the right choices for me.

I should add, I am team leader in a supermarket clothing department. I earn just over nmw. I used to have a job not unlike woman 2.

Hope it's not Sainsburys!

Number 1 probably moans a bit but on balance she has the best life. A child, husband and good part time job. Her life will get easier as child gets older in regards to juggling.

Number 2 is having a ball and still has time to make a change if she wants to although personally I wouldn’t want a job with celebs etc as it all sounds quite shallow.

Personally I’d hate to be number 3. She sounds like she’s stagnated and I don’t think I could cope. I’d feel a bit lost and resentful. I also agree with a PP that the deathbed cliche doesn’t suit everyone. I obviously love spending time with family but I also love achieving at work.

Well you all sound like you're doing pretty well tbh.

I'm most like no.3, except not married to a high earner, job can be stressful/ spill over and I really like my career but don't feel I've reached my potential or challenged myself. But right now isn't the time to do it, with two young kids.

Of them all I'd rather be 3 right now, because I value that time with my children more than money. I imagine you'll get more 3s on here as there are a lot more people on here that are in a 3 than a 2 type position.

I have a friend who sounds v similar to no.2 and I think not having a partner or kids really eats her up in a way regret about my career I hope never will.

I know lots of no 3s. I'm in my 40s with young dc, most identify with that one myself.

I'd rather be 1.

When you've been in 1 and cried because you don't see you're kids enough you long for three so if you age three appreciate your part time job and your children. Children want time not money.

I am 3 but happy!
If i were 1 i would miss the kids too much. If i were 2 i would be miserable!!

I've been women 1 and 2 and I am now at 38 women 3. I'm happy. Settled. Kids changed me. Women 3 is great for me.

To clarify, I think 3 is good when dc are young, but I think many women want more out of a career and achievement in work is an important part of identity. I also think more women now are concerned about their individual finances and pension provision even if they have a do who earns a lot, so there is an incentive to earn well.

I'd be a more positive number 3.
Number 2 is the hardest situation to change, but both 1 and 3 have the ability to do something about their niggles.

None, I like where I am. Sahm to 2 young dc. Previous to which in low flying career but great work life balance. Will consider starting career pt again when kids are both settled in school, or not.

Woman 1, she has a family and a good job. Woman 2 might have a glam sounding job (I also have that job) but it's pretty meaningless without people you love and those jobs tend to burn out as you get into your 40s. There's an element of drudgery to Woman 3.

Also one child would be fine for me and I'd want an "equal" relationship with DH.