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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is absolute bollocks!!! (Ex related)

131 replies

Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 21:23

So I know I should have thought about it a bit earlier, but.......just text my ex about mother’s day.
It will be his Saturday night/Sunday day that weekend and having just realised I text him to ask can we swap so he has Friday night Saturday day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 21:27

Argh! Didn’t mean to post yet!!!

So text to ask to swap and he says he’s booked and paid for something on that Sunday.

I’m so furious, I’ve changed loads of weekends for him and he’s saying I can’t have her on mother’s day. And he knows we do family stuff with my mum and grandparents.

So tempted to just not let him take her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 21:29

And I don’t believe he’s booked something or if he has, he’s done it on purpose. And it’s not something with his mum she’s working otherwise she’d be coming along with my family.

OP posts:
MyToeHurtsBetty · 20/02/2018 21:30

I'd ring the night before and say she's not well. She needs to stay at home. But I'm petty. You should ignore me. I'm sure someone sensible will be along with proper advice soon

Nicknacky · 20/02/2018 21:31

Can't you just do Mother's Day on the Saturday? I can imagine it's annoying but the day is what you make it. The date really doesn't matter

YetAnotherUser · 20/02/2018 21:31

So tempted to just not let him take her!

Probably quite unreasonable to do that, but if you must return his awkwardness it would probably be better to refuse to change future plans.

DoJo · 20/02/2018 21:31

Could you call his bluff - ask him to send details and tell him you will ask them if it can be moved free of charge or pay any costs associated with changing the booking? Has he ever booked anything in advance before?

rothbury · 20/02/2018 21:33

Well if he has booked something YABU.

If it was important to you then you probably should have asked for the swap earlier and then he wouldn't have booked something.

It's one thing swapping to be flexible and maintain good relations, but if I had spent money on, for example, theatre tickets, organised a trip to Legoland, I would be reluctant to swap.

Can't you have a more "adult" Mothers Day with your mum and GM and do something special with DD on the Saturday? Flowers

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2018 21:34

Not much you can do. Next time he asks for a swap say no.

DH always offers his ex Mother’s Day and she always says no but he’ll keep asking.

You can have another special day if he won’t agree and/or does have something planned, which would be pretty dickish if he knows you always like doing something that day. He should have offered, assuming you do the same with Father’s Day.

SunsetInParadise · 20/02/2018 21:34

YABU and you know it! It's HIS weekend and he doesn't have to swap or even justify why he won't or what he's planning. Just do something special on another day, it is just a commercial money making scheme anyway!!

Hellothereitsme · 20/02/2018 21:35

Are you certain he hasn’t booked somewhere for you and your DD.

It is only a day. Make the Saturday mother’s day. I think you would be unreasonable if you stop her going to her dads on that weekend. Unfortunately if you rotate weekends then there will be occasions that dates don’t fall on them days we want. If he won’t change there isn’t much you can do. Sorry.

bluecashmere · 20/02/2018 21:35

How old are DC? Make him feel guilty that they are missing out on the opportunity to celebrate Mothers Day with you, which is unfair on them. Does father's day fall on his weekend? What about Easter etc? Is there anything else you can use as a bargaining tool?

And don't change for him in the future.

NotSoSprightly · 20/02/2018 21:36

YABU and some of these replies are petty.

Madonnasmum · 20/02/2018 21:38

Mothers day isn't a real 'thing', you know. I wouldn't get too upset. Spend it with your own mum and make it special.

PoptartPoptart · 20/02/2018 21:42

Let it go op. And from now on stick rigidly to the plan without exception. Do not ever swap plans at his request again. He can’t have it both ways.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 21:42

DD’s not even two. It’s not some big one off thing, it’s a swimming pool and dd’s ticket is £2! His is £7.50! I’d more than happily pay and re book for the Saturday for him. But he thinks he might be going out Friday night.

He’s doing it on purpose to fuck me off! He knows every year my family do the same thing and he knows I’d want dd there.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/02/2018 21:43

So do it on the Saturday? She is so young she doesn't know it's an enforced day of love.

SunsetInParadise · 20/02/2018 21:45

We'll it's tough isn't it. He shouldn't have to change his Friday night plans just for your benefit.

Isadora2007 · 20/02/2018 21:45

She doesn’t know so she won’t care. In that respect it’s your feelings versus his feelings. So let it go. And plan ahead next time...

ThisLittleKitty · 20/02/2018 21:46

Yabu! How pathetic. Not let him take her? When will people stop using children as weapons.

IlikemyTeahot · 20/02/2018 21:46

YABU

PoptartPoptart · 20/02/2018 21:48

Meant to say, I have an ex like this too, so you have my sympathies.
It’s when you just know they are being deliberately awkward just to spite you.
FFS, it’s Mothers Day. You are her mother. If you would like to spend the day with her and extended family then you should be able to, especially because you have offered an alternative and have been flexible for him in the past.
If he cannot afford you the same flexibility as you have him, then no more changes in future to suit him.

NewYearNewMe18 · 20/02/2018 21:49

YABU .

You're using your child. It's his weekend, get over it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2018 21:50

She’s less than 2?! You’re letting him get to you and she won’t even know what day it is.

Guavaf1sh · 20/02/2018 21:54

YABU

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 21:56

I’m not using my child as a weapon. I bend over backwards so he can maintain a relationship with her. He’s doing this on purpose, because I’ve stopped being quite so accommodating of him coming when he wants and FaceTiming when ever he likes.

The thing with changing days, if something else comes up and I won’t change he’ll just not see her. And it’s perfectly fine for him to just not turn up, but heaven forbid I keep her home!!

I know he won’t want to do the following Friday, even though it’s his! But all I’ll get is a text the day before and if I won’t swap he just won’t see her at all.

And it wouldn’t have actually been ‘his’ weekend if I’d not swapped previous weekends.

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