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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is absolute bollocks!!! (Ex related)

131 replies

Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 21:23

So I know I should have thought about it a bit earlier, but.......just text my ex about mother’s day.
It will be his Saturday night/Sunday day that weekend and having just realised I text him to ask can we swap so he has Friday night Saturday day.

OP posts:
PoptartPoptart · 20/02/2018 22:24

Op, I have experienced very similar to you with my ex (and still do to an extent).
The difference is that now my DC are getting older and they have started to resent him for not being flexible all by themselves.
For example there was recently a big family celebration that the DC really wanted to come to but ex said no as it was ‘his weekend’
They were so disappointed and I could see that they resented him for not letting them go.

Welldoneme · 20/02/2018 22:25

I would take advantage and go to a spa,!

TwilightRiver · 20/02/2018 22:26

Also is contact court ordered ?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 22:28

You need to stop focusing on what is best for you and turn your thoughts to building the cooperative pattern of contact and communication that will best support your DD's well-being as she gets older.

Could you tell my ex this!! Because I always put dd first, which is why I’m so flexible with contact for him. I already said I wouldn’t actually stop him seeing dd at birthdays/Christmas etc because I wouldn’t do that to HER!
But it fucks me off that he can’t do the same.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/02/2018 22:29

Why are you ignoring everyone that suggests doing it another day? She doesn't know any different

Rudi44 · 20/02/2018 22:29

Odd to pre book swimming, I can't think of any pool local to us where that happens. I know when children are little these days can feel like a big deal but if he is doing it to get at you or be difficult just let him get on with it and plan something nice for the day before

SunsetInParadise · 20/02/2018 22:30

I already said I wouldn’t actually stop him seeing dd at birthdays/Christmas etc

What makes you think that you could do that if you wanted to. DD is his daughter as much as she is yours. Unless he poses a danger to her, you have no right stopping him from seeing her.

TwilightRiver · 20/02/2018 22:31

Sorry that was suppossed to say 'what day is fathers day ' if it doesnt fall on his weekend could you point this out and swap back on that basis?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 22:33

I’ve messaged him every day he’s changed and highlighted that originally mother’s day would have been my day and my event as been booked longer than his imaginary one.

It’s ok though, because I can go with him and dd. He’ll even pay for me, because he’s so sorry.

OP posts:
RavenLG · 20/02/2018 22:33

5 generations of my family who will all be there, but I guess she’s not missing out on that!

She's missing out on that because you didn't plan correctly and waited until he, unfortunately already had plans. But since you're so set on telling everyone how he's done it on purpose here you poor petal, Flowers .. that's what you wanted everyone to do right?

gingergenius · 20/02/2018 22:35

You will have other mothers' days. Put it down to experience, plan ahead next time and move on. I've done this too. In the great scheme of things it's probably not worth worrying about too much.

Nicknacky · 20/02/2018 22:35

So never swap days then. Keep it rigid and then hopefully next year it will work out for you.

TwilightRiver · 20/02/2018 22:35

Is there a chance he wants to get back with you if hes inviting you along ?

mummmy2017 · 20/02/2018 22:36

i think you should point out all the other important sundays fall on your days this year, and since he has said how important it is for him and fairness you agree and you will have her on those days and list them all too him...

upsideup · 20/02/2018 22:36

But I’m sick of being the good one who puts dd first

Thats what your supposed to do, unfortuantly your ex might not be doing it but that dosnt mean you should just stop. Your dd is under two, I'm sure she dosnt actually care if she is with you on mothers day and will have just as much fun going swimming with her dad.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 22:36

I’ve said it’s booked Nicknacky some of my family don’t live in the uk and they are coming for the weekend. Both my mum and dads families get together and we’ve had somewhere booked since pretty much mother’s day last year.

OP posts:
pallisers · 20/02/2018 22:38

Text him back and say "actually thought about it and it will be brilliant to be free that weekend - have made some plans - thanks!"

He'll probably tell you you can switch.

Nicknacky · 20/02/2018 22:38

So go for the lunch as arranged. Have a Mother's Day with your little girl on the Saturday. You might as well get your head around it.

And honestly, swimming is more fun for a toddler than a family lunch!

Jux · 20/02/2018 22:40

So have her on Father's Day and any other day he holds dear. Next year, check your dates.

FinallyFree123456789 · 20/02/2018 22:40

I have an ex like this.
We have court ordered contact now - it’s also “his” weekend with DD on mother’s day, but because he refused to bring her back one year - it is now written in that Mother’s Day is mine regardless of who’s weekend, the same with Father’s Day.
I know it’s frustrating and he’s probably done it to “game play” don’t rise to it - I know it’s annoying as you have family around but he’s being unreasonable and he won’t change, you can’t make him.
Time will come when he wants to change or wants something from you - then you are well within your right to say no - although some may view this as game playing. Xx

Original poster
Emboo19 · 20/02/2018 22:40

Because they fall on my days Sunset.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 20/02/2018 22:41

You are being extremely childish.

Nicknacky · 20/02/2018 22:44

Christmas and her birthday are HER days, not yours. Honestly stop thinking just of yourself.

mrsdoublebarrel · 20/02/2018 22:45

A) you need to get a proper court ordered contact arrangement.
B) my mum is probably going to be dead by Mother's Day so I'd count yourself lucky you'll have 5 generations of family to hang out with.

Karigan1 · 20/02/2018 22:46

It’s mother’s day. Courts have sympathy for mums having their kids on Mother’s Day. Tell him she’s not going and you’ll refund his money. In return extend his time elsewhere and make sure he knows you will do that. Put it in writing not verbal

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