To be a bit upset by this teacher

[processthewreckage]

Having a few problems with DD at the moment. I really am doing my best but it's not really getting us very far.

Her teacher rang today to say DD hadn't turned up for her detention. I apologised and the teacher said "well, sorry isn't good enough, you need to bring her back here."

I was honest and said I doubted I'd be able to do that. The response was that I'd better!

Inappropriate or AIBU?

I read about a family who’s daughter was acting like that, they took everything out of her bedroom bar the bed

I would have took the bed too!

Social services??! Are you having a laugh?

Absolutely not. This is a teenager who the school seem unable to control and the mother seems less able. As has been said, she appears almost scared of her daughter, that she will walk out and disappear.

To my eyes this is a child heading for a huge disaster. She's doing whatever she wants to do with no consequences. The signs are that her GCSEs could be a disaster, and then what? By that point it's too late.

I'm not suggesting that the OP gets her taken into care, but the OP needs help, and if the school are unable to then she needs to find another source.

*@LondonHereICome
Love how teachers just assume we aren't at work/got other children to take to activities/got other commitments etc

We can't all just drop everything*

If your 15yr old DC is swearing at you, disappearing from school/home, you don't know their whereabouts, and you don't have any control over them, then yes, you do need to drop as much as you can and focus on sorting that out. That 15yr old DC is a priority at that moment in time.

I work full time, my husband works full time. If something as serious like the OP has described with her DD was happening with mine, I would be making my DD an absolute priority.

As a 15 yo my Dad warned me that if my behaviour didn’t improve he would ‘bin bag’ up my room. I didn’t believe he’d go so far. He did. Everything l owned thrown into bin bags and dumped in the garage.

I never doubted he’d keep his word again and I knew never to cross that line again.

Sometimes there are unorthodox methods but a short sharp shock can work. If what the OP has already tried hadn’t worked, then it’s a case of keep trying new things, not throw in the towel.

gubbins if only it was that simple.....social services are snowed under!

What do you want them to do? Because if it's anything like round here, the services don't exist

Power crazy teacher with a superiority complex.

I would have hing up on her.

*I would have HUNG up on her.

To my eyes this is a child heading for a huge disaster. She's doing whatever she wants to do with no consequences. The signs are that her GCSEs could be a disaster, and then what? By that point it's too late.
I think GCSE failure is the least of her worries

I was a single parent working fulltime with 2 teenage dds. They would not do chores or even clean and tidy their rooms. I warned them repeatedly that if they didn't clean up their rooms anything I found on the floor would be bagged up in black bags and chucked away in the bin!
Well they didn't take heed so when they came home from school they found their rooms pristine and their favourite clothes, electronic gadgets etc CDs, shoes all gone.
I told them if they wanted to replace items chucked they would have to get a job to.pay for them.
They are 36 and 37 now and their homes are......pristine! They certainly learnt valuable lessons that day!

1. Mum is definitely boss.
2. You are responsible for your things
3. House rules must be followed or else!
4. Cleanliness is next to godliness in mums house anyway!

If it was me I would have asked mumsnet for help/ideas with my daughter not ask if the teacher was rude. It seems you’re deflecting from the real issue. Rude or not your priority is your daughter so focus your attention there. Good luck.

OP- where do you live? you need to find a course on parenting teens

• warned them repeatedly that if they didn't clean up their rooms anything I found on the floor would be bagged up in black bags and chucked away in the bin! Well they didn't take heed so when they came home from school they found their rooms pristine and their favourite clothes, electronic gadgets etc CDs, shoes all gone. I told them if they wanted to replace items chucked they would have to get a job to.pay for them. * I am not sure that is great parenting tbh

I really don’t think bin bagging the contents of a room are helpful at all in establishing a relationship that’s rooted in mutual respect.

Honestly?

You need to get a handle on your DD's behaviour.

Wow.

That escalated quickly.

Page 1: DD gets detentions for missing homework etc.

Page 8: SHE’S GOING TO FAIL LIFE.

I’d have a meeting with the teacher OP - explain how the phone call made you feel and tell them how difficult it is at home, if you haven’t already. Sounds like DD is struggling with something - it’s extraordinarily rare for a child to just “be a little shit”. Behaviour has it’s roots in something.

Hope you get it sorted.

Single parent working fulltime both dds went to university and got degrees, one has own business other a nurse .......well........don't call that bad parenting.

I now look after dgc too so think my relationship with dds perfectly fine thank you very much. If it wasn't don't think they would trust me to look after them and oh yes another thing my house my rules.

Good parenting isn’t about the qualifications your children end up with. There are many parents with children who have special needs who will never go to university, but they are amazing parents.

Good parenting is more about trust and respect than anything else.

I really don’t think bin bagging the contents of a room are helpful at all in establishing a relationship that’s rooted in mutual respect.

Neither is the daughter ruling the roost. There is no respect already. The daughter is pushing her boundaries and finding that they crumble. If the boundaries are firm then they feel more secure. No it’s not easy but it’s better than a teen with no respect who sees you as a pushover. Teens are materialistic little sods and hitting them where it hurts (their belongings) is often a tool that can be used. Actions do speak louder than words sometimes so perhaps when all the words have failed, action is needed.

You don’t fight fire with fire where angry teenagers are concerned.

Sometimes it really is just a waiting game.

Maybe she dislikes the teacher because the teacher is dictatorial and rude. Listen to your daughter, believe her, you know her, you don't know the teacher

The teacher sounds frustrated. It isn't the first time your DD has missed a lesson?

No, you are not unreasonable and you need to tell your DD to stop playing truant in order to stop her teacher from being abrupt with you who doesn't deserve it at all. Your DD is just wasting the free education that she gets from the state.

Your girl is the culprit of the entire episode so it's you tackled the culprit.

It's time you tackled the culprit.

The one big lesson teens and children have to realise is that your actions (or inactions) have consequences and you have to face up to those consequences whatever they may be.
Tbh I think ops dd is struggling at school and is unable to tell her mum. Why dont you know if your child has homework or not? Perhaps if you showed an interest in her schoolwork she would not get detentions in the first place? If you instilled in her the value of education if she wants to get on in life may help too. It Is your responsibility also to teach your child that whether you be at school, at work or in many other situations in life rules are in place to be followed if you want to be a responsible member of society. You cannot go through life doing exactly what you want all of the while. If we all did that then society would completely break down. Its only my opinion, take it or leave it up to you.