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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
fearfultrill · 20/02/2018 18:42

Take a screenshot, reply saying something along the lines of:

Hi (name), I haven't slagged you off to anyone. The children seem to be getting along fine at the moment which is nice to see. I hope your DD has a nice time at her birthday party.

Then take another screenshot. Be super calm and collected it will drive her nuts!

PattiStanger · 20/02/2018 18:46

What a to do, if you ignore the message she will probably keep on sending more, if it was me I'd reply truthfully and say I hadn't said anything about her and would find it very difficult not to let all the other mums know about the message.

OrphanWeek · 20/02/2018 18:51

Don't engage. Let her think her message got lost in cyberland. If party collapses, do take any opportunity to invite poor NDM DD to Legoland with you.

JustGettingStarted · 20/02/2018 18:53

It's fun to think about possible responses, but the best way to "get" her is to utterly ignore.

Yes, she may escalate the drama on her end with further texts, but I would personally find that amusing.

Nothing you say will ever penetrate with her.

Don't invest any of your energy in her. She hasnt earned it.

Pearlsaringer · 20/02/2018 18:57

Hi (name), I haven't slagged you off to anyone. The children seem to be getting along fine at the moment which is nice to see. I hope your DD has a nice time at her birthday party.

^Perfect.

Incywincyteenyweeny · 20/02/2018 19:03

For those saying that the girls aren’t friends read the post they made up.

Also, even if my ds was not close friends with a particular child, I could not imagine inviting every other little boy in the class bar one. 5 out of

Incywincyteenyweeny · 20/02/2018 19:05

Posted too soon.
5 closest friends out of 11 is fine.
Excluding 1 is bullying. It would not be condoned in a work place to invite every colleague bar one to a night out.
Don’t know how any adult would think this was reasonable to do to a child.
Mother sounds like bitch from hell. I’d mention to school.

Lizzie48 · 20/02/2018 19:06

I will never understand how a grown woman can behave like that, when it's her own DD who is suffering as a result of a feud entirely of her own making. It sounds like she wants a row with you and is upset with you that you're not joining in.

Just tell her you didn't slag her off and say you hope her DD enjoys her birthday party and leave it at that.

Sounds like your NDN belongs on Jeremy Kyle. Hmm

Sillybilly1234 · 20/02/2018 19:06

It is gutting to see them upset.

My son wasn't invited to a friend's party.

He did ask his friend why and he said "my mum doesn't like your mum, so she said you couldn't come"

What a silly cow. Very jealous lady.

I just explained that some people can be very unfair and unreasonable.

He was ok later. He is a sensible boy and does get it.

MuddlingMackem · 20/02/2018 19:10

I think I would just reply :

'Huh?'

Because that would be my reaction. :)

NancyJoan · 20/02/2018 19:12

God. She is absolutely mad. I’d ignore the message. At least, I think I would.

Iluvthe80s · 20/02/2018 19:12

Ignore her. Make sure you get your friend to keep an eye on Facebook in case she writes anything slanderous

OldGuard · 20/02/2018 19:17

Parents need to guide their children

At this age it’s unforgivable not to invite only one child

Even if the children did not get along, not inviting only one child is wrong

Even if they hated each other, not inviting only one child is wrong

What is appropriate is to model understanding, tolerance and kindness and be an example (and if there were behavior concerns to kindly invite parent of child with concerns to also attend so they can help out - or assign a dedicated adult to monitor child at party and intervene/distract if necessary. Not saying OPs child has behaviors issues of course - just addressing those posters who would exclude a child of such a young age based on reports of behavior issues - clearly older children are different but normally those birthdays are not where you invite the whole class but only a few children so excluding one child is not a concern)

I’m utterly stunned by ndn lack of maturity and self awareness

Good for you OP for taking high road and not resorting to gossip etc etc

I would text back - but use one of the pp good examples above to diffuse, state you haven’t discussed the matter, and wish all the best (especially living next door important not to inflame - although I did appreciate the poster who suggesting pointing out her posting on Facebook was probably the source of her issue)

Whitecup · 20/02/2018 19:21

As I’ve got older I have actually began to be dismayed at how many genuinely batshit people are out there. She’s obviously of low IQ... doesn’t see the action-consequence cycle. Perhaps been brought up to believe she can’t do no wrong (ie #wontbedictatedto). Therefore it is OBVIOUSLY your DD (who has since held out the hand of friendship) who is at fault for being pushed over. You seriously can’t win with her- she’s one of those types. My advice having dealt with one is leave her to it- it’ll drive herself nuts.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 20/02/2018 19:22

Respond with ‘new number, who dis?’

spiney · 20/02/2018 19:24

Respond with ‘new number, who dis?’

Crying at this

Nicpem1982 · 20/02/2018 19:26

Spiney- Grin

SootyandMathew · 20/02/2018 19:34

I think you should reply and say you haven't discussed the party and that you hope her DD has a wonderful day.

Also suggest that you text your friend and say as you're going to be away you hope all the girls have a wonderful time at BSDDs (Bat Shit's DD) party. And maybe ask her to pass it onto the other mothers as you don't want BSDDs daughter to be disappointed.

And then ignore ignore ignore.

AppleKatie · 20/02/2018 20:00

Shock she’s batshit OP.

I’d definitely send her a very polite reply. It’ll drive her even more batshit

Failingat40 · 20/02/2018 20:05

Ignore her text. If she wants to discuss she should do it calmly with you face to face.

Why should you answer just because she demands a response by text?! Nope.

She's mentally unhinged! A control freak who's realised her plan to ostracise you and your daughter has backfired on herself.

Honestly, you owe her nothing.

All her evil death stares she's given you as well, who the hell does she think she is!?

Report factually to the teacher just so they're aware.

How awful you have to suffer living next door to this bar shit crazy woman.

billybagpuss · 20/02/2018 20:11

Hi (name), I haven't slagged you off to anyone. The children seem to be getting along fine at the moment which is nice to see. I hope your DD has a nice time at her birthday party.

Yep perfect. go with this :)

emmyrose2000 · 20/02/2018 20:15

The woman is clearly batshit. As your DD is not the only one to have had problems with this girl, it's clear she has form for it and it's crystal clear where she gets it from. Is the dad around? Is he just as horrible as the mother?

I'd ignore the text - make her wonder if you even got it at all. She wants you to react, so she can keep the drama going. Don't giver her the satisfaction.

Her plan of ostracising your DD (and you) has backfired spectacularly, Grin so do be prepared for her to up the ante even more as she's obviously crazy enough to keep pushing this.

Was the person's child who was uninvited in the Facebook message the same mum who initially alerted you to what was going on, or was the uninvited a third person? Either way, what a silly and childish way for NDN to behave.

Don't give the child a card and/or present. It'll just make you look silly.

fifig87 · 20/02/2018 20:17

Jesus she is batshit!!

I feel sorry for her child having to live with her.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 20:22

Thanks everyone, I haven't responded.

Mum friend sent me another Facebook screenshot. This one NDN put:

"Fed up of clicky mums leaving my kid out and making me feel bad for sticking up for me own.
#needtomoveawayfromthisinbredvillage"

Left the spelling mistakes in there for you this time. 😀

OP posts:
Figgygal · 20/02/2018 20:24

What a twat!!