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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 20/02/2018 17:37

What a shame for the little girl that her Mother’s behaviour is impacting her birthday party. Sad

LaurieMarlow · 20/02/2018 17:37

Make like you never saw such a ridiculous message. Don't engage.

magoria · 20/02/2018 17:39

Don't reply. There is nothing you can say to fix this. This woman is determined that she is now the victim. What ever you say will be twisted in some way.

Do speak to the teacher and warn her to look out for your DD.

BewareOfDragons · 20/02/2018 17:39

"I didn't turn anyone against you. You did that all by yourself."

Bigfatpicnic · 20/02/2018 17:40

Just read whole tail and this thread justs keeps on giving!

😳At the text!

NDN has shot herself in the foot and her actions have backfired on her, and possibly her DD, who may hardly have any attendees for her party by the sounds of it. I wouldn't even dignify that text with a response. She has had opportunities to talk to you face to face and clear the air(?), but clearly likes to communicate by keyboard when tricky issues arise. I await the next update!

Other mums can now see what she is like, so they know the score.

Rhubarbginmum · 20/02/2018 17:42

Mmm I don’t know whether to reply i’m Sorry I have no idea what you are talking about. The school told me about concussion then block, whether to discuss with school or what to do but please keep her crazy text.

ThisIsTheRealMe · 20/02/2018 17:42

Dear Batshit,

I have not spoken to any of the other mums except my friend. I can't control what other people talk about.

I thought it was very unfair not to invite my DD when every other girl in their class had been invited.

My DD did have concussion, you are not a medical professional and nor were you there at the incident so how can you say that.

I have been very polite and acknowledged you, it is you who has been ignoring me.

Our DD's are friends, we live next door to each other. If you wish to put this to bed and get on with being civil then I would be more than happy to.

Regards, Woman.

OutyMcOutface · 20/02/2018 17:42

No wonder the girl hit your DD with a mother lode is that. Just think of it as being for the best-the mother clearly has a few screws loose.

Thistlebelle · 20/02/2018 17:46

I would normally say don’t reply but as you live next to each other you won’t be able to avoid her.

I would just reply very briefly and politely agreeing that of course she can invite whom she likes. I’d confirm that you haven’t discussed the party in the playground and that any gossip is nothing to do with you.

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/02/2018 17:49

I wouldn't reply, I'd block her & keep screenshots of all texts so she can't accuse you of harassing her.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2018 17:51

Wtaf, she has turned everybody against herself with an attitude like that. She sounds like a right piece of work, I would just ignore it, or she will use that as ammunition.

Willswife · 20/02/2018 17:52

Agree with thistlebelle. I would also say that whilst you wouldn't make the choice to exclude one child she is perfectly entitled to but you have no control over how others may see that.

Then finish it saying that you are away arhat day anyway so it is of no consequence to you & that you hope she has a lovely party.

MyNewBearTotoro · 20/02/2018 17:58

I wouldn’t reply. This woman is clearly looking for an argument/ to cause problems or she’s paranoid and making problems where there aren’t any. I would not engage and would just completely ignore any messages (hard as that might be), continue to be civil in public but maybe just keep your distance where you canx

MissEliza · 20/02/2018 17:59

I'd probably not reply. Let her stew as my dm would say!

FluffyPineapple · 20/02/2018 17:59

Agree with WillsWife. Nacassistic mother would love to hurt you and your dd (for whatever reason).

She will hate that the “party of the year” is of no consequence to you or dd.

She’s dug her own grave. She can dig herself out of it. Good Luck 🍀

Iloveacurry · 20/02/2018 18:01

She sounds batshit! Reply saying that you didn’t discuss it with anyone, perhaps she bought it to the attention of everyone with her FB post 😁

TeeBee · 20/02/2018 18:04

Oh God, I would be ridiculously tempted just to invite all the girls over for the afternoon on the same day as the party. Of course with a bouncy castle, hot tub, loud music, whatever. Very childish I know, but oh so bloody tempting. She's a fucking loon.

logicalmum · 20/02/2018 18:05

I think it comes as a shock to women like her to learn not everyone behaves as she does. It's a shame for her dd because she'll miss out on a lot because of her her mothers nasty nature.

Nicpem1982 · 20/02/2018 18:07

I do feel sorry for her dd

Rinoachicken · 20/02/2018 18:08

And she is fed up of ME ignoring HER

Code for “I’m fed up of you not playing along with the game refusing to engage, therefore denying me the opportunity of a massive playground fight in of everyone to further feed my need for drama!”

Namechangetempissue · 20/02/2018 18:11

Don't reply. There is no need. You didn't do anything, and you do not nees to explain anything to someone who isn't even a friend. She wants a scrap so she can moan and cry and recruit a little team of people who feel sorry for her in the playground. Let her stew waiting for a reply.

LaContessaDiPlump · 20/02/2018 18:15

I am torn. If you ignore people like this, don't they then start bombarding you with texts in a desperate attempt to get a response? I'd be tempted to send a simple 'I haven't said anything about you at all. Please do not contact me again' and then block. At least then you won't flinch every time the phone pings.

spiney · 20/02/2018 18:26

Don't reply OP. Take the high ground. AND . LET . HER . STEW.

Talk about hoist by your own petard.

Chuffed the others supported you. Sounds like she was gob smacked when she got to the school and realised which way the tide was turning.... Hardly surprising though! Leaving out one child and then #consider yourself uninvited to someone else. She is a piece of work.

Pleased for you OP that you have support. Pleased for your DC she'll have a lovely weekend in LEGO Land. Pleased that fruit loop NDN has had her comeuppance. Just sorry for her little girl who will take the brunt. Kudos to you that you didn't stoop to her level OP.

busybuildingdens · 20/02/2018 18:38

I think you might have come up against the same person as me! (not literally, don’t panic, I have no idea who you are in real life!) My poor DD was the only one not invited to her friend’s party (they were very good friends), because her crazy mother took a random dislike to me. Luckily, my DD never found out she had been left out, poor party girl had obviously been instructed not to mention her party at school, which I thought was a bit sad for her. Sadly though, no one else from school even noticed she hadn’t been invited, or what this mother was up to. Years down the line, I still will not have anything to do with her. IMO it takes real nastiness to do that to a child because you have an issue with the parents. I have had the nasty texts, and glares in the playground. It’s so horrible, but I have ignored her for years, and I can see that that makes her very angry, so I feel I’ve got the best outcome I can from such a ridiculous situation. I would ignore the text if I were you. Do not fuel her, it’s clearly what she wants.

Thistlebelle · 20/02/2018 18:41

TeeBee that would be incredibly cruel to the five year old next door.

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