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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
Failingat40 · 20/02/2018 16:32

Oh dear she's a fucking chavtastic loon! I can almost picture her now Grin

Don't do or say ANYTHING. You don't need to. You have 100% of the moral highground here.

She has stuck her neck on the line now with other parents who will likely feel she is being cruel and not allow their child to go to her house for this party which is nothing more than a divisive attempt at making a dig at you.

Maybe you could create a fb group for legoland that weekend!? WinkJust kidding, stay strong and don't react to her. She'll bring her own karma.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 16:33

Mum friend came and stood with me on school run and was really kind. Several others came and joined us and said nothing about party but were just really friendly, one has said they would like to arrange a playdate, another said about going to the pub Fri evening. My type of people but first time I've felt included like this and they are obviously being kind and inclusive which I appreciate.

NDN arrived and stared awhile before standing with us, glaring and not saying a word for ages. Was really weird. I smiled and said hello. She then asked everyone very loudly who was coming to party, cue lots of "I'll check" "think we already have plans" "we're away then". NDN glared some more before walking off. I passed her on way home and said hello and she ignored me, but our daughters held hands and skipped off ahead together, so it's not effecting them.

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 16:37

Thanks for all the supportive messages as well, really helped having somewhere to vent and get advice on how to deal with this. Didn't expect such a big response!

OP posts:
WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 20/02/2018 16:40

She's digging her own grave where the other mums are concerned. I can't believe she was so stupid that she tried to exclude you again in front of them by banging on about the party. She'll be lucky if any of the kids attend after that! (Which be warned she'll probably find a way to blame you for.)

Willswife · 20/02/2018 16:43

I hope she gets the message loud and clear from the other parents that her behaviour is appalling and that they don't want their children spending time with her.

I wouldn't want my child involved in a party that had been organised with such spite.

I feel sorry for her daughter as I suspect many of her friends will not be allowed to attend. I hope the mother finally realises what a spiteful and nasty thing it was to do.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/02/2018 16:50

Her poor dd with a mum like that! She is making herself look bad.

Rhubarbginmum · 20/02/2018 16:52

I would keep the screenshot your friend sent just incase you need it as this woman (the NDN) sounds like a complete fruit cake.
It was very nice of the other mums to stand by you and very telling. I can see the birthday not being well attended due her FB post, mother’s attitude leaving your DD out and if the attitude of these mums is anything to go by. Although by the sounds of it your not the only one NDN has it in for.

user1474652148 · 20/02/2018 16:53

So after our earlier posts about leaving her to add to her casualty list by herself and letting karma takes it course, I didn’t expect it to happen so soon!
The woman is either a complete drama queen creating her next big blow up (at yours and dd expense) or she is completely thick and doesn’t realise how badly this could back fire.
There is no way my child would be going to a party if I read a post like that, and we would be steering very clear.

CherryMaDeary · 20/02/2018 16:54

So refreshing to see other parents rally around you rather than keep out of it so that they are not ostracised by this woman.

user1474652148 · 20/02/2018 16:56

Glad you have some lovely mums looking out for you op

NoFucksImAQueen · 20/02/2018 16:56

I love it when karma comes around. I had 2 girls bitch about me on my course then try to play the victim. Iv said nothing about anyone not talking to them but they more or less alienated themselves because people don't like sly horrible people.

billybagpuss · 20/02/2018 16:57

This is fantastic. I know its been really tough on you and your DD and I'm so sorry that anyone can be so mean but it gets funnier with every update. I love that the two girls just skip off together Grin

I'm waiting for the NDN knock on the door to invite her so the party doesn't completely collapse but then of course you can't go cos you're going to Legoland Grin

I do actually feel really sorry for her DD as I do think there is now a massive damper on the party and it is not fair on any 5 year old to have to go through this.

Rachie1973 · 20/02/2018 16:58

Devonishome1
Well you know what to do when it’s your DD party!

Nooooooo. You invite her, and let her mother explain why she can't go with all the other kids.

RandomMess · 20/02/2018 16:59

Her poor DD Sadyes the Mum was horrid but that poor little girls isn't going to learn good social skills is she.

MsGameandWatching · 20/02/2018 17:01

I would confront her, not about the party as such but her silly glares. Next time I saw her I would say "oh hello!" in upbeat tones and then if she ignores ask her if she's ok? If she still flounces around I'd say "as far as I am aware the girls are all sorted now, is there some kind of ongoing issue?" I know I would do this because I have in similar situations. You're right you do have to live next door and if you don't sort this out it's going to run and run. People like this love not being confronted, in their minds it's evidence that they're right about you, "see you won't even say anything to me!" Be totally reasonable no matter how silly she gets. Maybe she will stop being such a chump if she gets to say her piece Hmm

Lizzie48 · 20/02/2018 17:05

I'm feeling really sorry for NDN's DD, if she carries on with her behaviour then there will be no one at her party. No wonder her DD doesn't have many social graces. It's actually really nice that the girls are becoming good friends despite all this crap.

user1474652148 · 20/02/2018 17:13

This thread is uniquely satisfying.
If only there was not two little five year old in the picture that this woman seems intent on hurting them both, her dd included.

MissEliza · 20/02/2018 17:14

What a pathetic woman.

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/02/2018 17:17

Well I think we can see where the daughter gets it from.

I hope she has Lesley Gores "it's my party" on her Spotify.

Legoland will be awesome for her.

user1474652148 · 20/02/2018 17:21

It’s my party and I cry if I want to.

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 17:29

Well my neighbour might be a bit bat shit...

She just text me to say how dare I slag her off to everyone, it's up to her who she invites and I've obviously turned everyone against her to ruin her daughter's party. She said she didn't invite my DD because she cries at everything and then blames her DD?? Also apparently my 5 year old faked concussion that time just to get her daughter in trouble, kids push and pull each other and everyone overreacted. And she is fed up of ME ignoring HER!

Help me reply without swearing!

OP posts:
Heliophilous · 20/02/2018 17:30

Oh god, this woman sounds awful. Her poor DD. It doesn't take a genius to work out where the unpleasant behaviour may be coming from.

OTOH, how nice that the other mothers are being so kind and sticking up for what is right. They sound lovely.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 20/02/2018 17:31

Don't reply. There's nothing you can say she won't take as a cue for a fight

Sorry she is utterly bat shit but so glad you have some other mums who seem to know the score.

Nicpem1982 · 20/02/2018 17:34

She sounds nuts I wouldn't reply

WhatWouldOliviaPopeDo · 20/02/2018 17:35

I knew she'd blame you! First, screenshot the text and keep it in your arsenal to show the other mums if this continues to escalate. Secondly, reply politely that you've done no such thing with the other mums and that far from ignoring her you've said hello every time you've seen her today. Also, say it was your DD's teacher who said it was concussion and that the school was clearly worried by what had happened and if she wants to take it up with them again, she should. THEN BLOCK.