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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is horrible for not inviting my daughter

482 replies

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 20/02/2018 12:20

Birthday party one...
Girl next door having a birthday party, she is in the same class, year 1, as my daughter. There are 11 girls in the class.

Around Xmas the girl next door started being a bit mean to DD. It came to a head when she pushed DD over at school and she hit her head on the playground. We were called because they suspected concussion and the teacher said she had also informed girls parents. Teacher said DD did nothing wrong, didn't even retaliate and that as far as they were aware after speaking to girls and their peers it has all been one way nastiness. Girls made up, as they do, and are fine now but her mother has ignored me since, deleted me from Facebook and glares at me on school run and when we pass outside. Silly but whatever...

So back to the birthday party. Every single girl in the class is invited except DD. Invites were given out on morning school run. The girls were all together waiting to go in. Next door girl handed them to everyone but DD, telling her that she wasn't invited cos her mum says she not allowed. DD looked upset but I took her aside and said we would have a day out, she wasn't impressed... NDN mother just stared at us.

I have found out when the party is and will take DD out so she hasn't got to see all her friends arriving and hear the party, but seriously, this mum is an absolute bitch isn't she? And I have to live next door to her!!! DD seems a bit confused more than anything but is upset as thinks our neighbours must not like her.

I know moaning about kids not being invited to parties is normally seen as unreasonable but I am not in this instance am I??

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 22/02/2018 16:37

Oh FFS. Poor thing give her a hug from all of us.

When is the party? Do you know how many people have declined. NDN DD has clearly been told no one wants to go because of your DD. This is so heartbreaking.

I think you probably need a hug too. xx

BewareOfDragons · 22/02/2018 16:38

Vile behaviour. Her mother probably had a hand in that.

I would make my unhappiness known in writing about what has been going on and ask them how they are planning to safeguard your child under the circumstances. It's obviously not going away. They have to respond within 2 weeks in writing, I believe.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 22/02/2018 16:39

She is like this because her mother is like this.
What are the school going to do in order to protect your child in future? Have they sorted out a way to keep this bully away from your child?

Lizzie48 · 22/02/2018 16:40

I'm so sorry, that's horrible. 100% blame the NDN's behaviour for this, her mum blamed the OP for spoiling her DD's party, so DD takes it out on the OP's DD. I bet the NDN has been going on about it at home and her DD has picked up on it.

Your poor DD, OP. I'd be really fuming if one of my DDs had another child push them over and spit on them. Sad

Fekko · 22/02/2018 16:40

I assume the school is calling her mum in?

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 16:41

Mum friend has text to see what's happening, apparently her DD told her what happened and that my DD has spent the whole afternoon in the book corner crying. 😭 NDN DD was made to sit on her own all afternoon... But really, I don't want to send her in as scared what will happen next. Fucks sake, seriously how did it get to this?

OP posts:
OldGuard · 22/02/2018 16:43

Assume you have told school whole story now ?

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2018 16:44

Your dd needs to be protected. I take it there is only one class per year so no chance of moving this girl if it continues. The woman is nuts. I would fear more retaliation. Is her house rented or owned?

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 16:44

Yes I told school what has gone on. Teacher was quite sympathetic but obviously can't say outright what she thinks.

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 16:45

We both own our homes.

OP posts:
Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 16:45

Yes only one small class per year.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 22/02/2018 16:45

Sad that the mother's vile behaviour is filtering down to her child.

Hope your DD is OK.

Chocolatesaveslives · 22/02/2018 16:46

Oh my god, that's absolutely disgusting. Where on earth does a child that age learn to do that to another kid??!

It really makes you wonder what the other girl's mother has been saying to her daughter considering they bad been getting on better more recently. It's just so vile to drag kids into adult disputes which is what this has become.

ListenToTheWords · 22/02/2018 16:47

Disgusting, despicable behaviour! What kind of filthy contempt by spitting is this kid showing your DD? At such a young age too. Ugh!!

Your poor DD. Angry

EllieMe · 22/02/2018 16:48

Poor DD. Go and see the HT tomorrow and insist that your child is protected. The next violent incident should lead to a suspension of the child.

The bitch next door has probably told her DD the party is off because no one is coming and it's all DD's fault.

Nicpem1982 · 22/02/2018 16:49

Your poor dd Flowers
It's a despicable way for anyone to behave I echo the pps with go and see the head teacher

LexieLulu · 22/02/2018 16:58

Oh my gosh! Sounds like NDN has been feeding rubbish into her DD mind. No 6 year old does stuff like that without influence

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/02/2018 16:59

Shame she owns her house. No recourse to landlord. Log everything. If it escalates she could be in for an Asbo.

I also think it should be escalated to the head. This is adult on child bullying.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/02/2018 17:09

I would take it further. Your poor dd

Sadly this is not the first time I've seen a parent use their child to get back at someone. It's awful

ohfourfoxache · 22/02/2018 17:13

Fucking hell, your poor dd Sad

DunkandEgg · 22/02/2018 17:18

What does the school propose to do about the bullying? There must be something written in the policy.

poppy2021 · 22/02/2018 17:20

Your poor wee DD. I feel for you. It's so difficult but keep on at the school to make sure they prevent further incidents. This behaviour is obviously coming from the BS crazy NDN. She is doing herself no favours and will quickly herself ostracised by the rest of the Mums if this continues

Original poster
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe · 22/02/2018 17:21

Thanks everyone, we've had cookies and milkshake, and a warm bath and a cuddle.

I am gutted for her, we have chatted about how some people are nasty and we have to just stay away.

She doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. I was wondering about keeping her off and when I call in asking for a meeting with head so we can work out a plan to keep her safe before I send her in. She has had concussion, a cut knee and been spat on since Xmas, as well as a period of general nastiness from this girl so I think I have grounds to get serious about this...

I feel like going next door and screaming at them both, but it would just make it all worse.

OP posts:
fairypuff · 22/02/2018 17:25

You are a stronger and better person than me OP. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from going round and giving the two of them a piece of my mind. But that would do no good and just escalate things and give that bitch mum grounds for acting the way she does. You can guarantee she'd be posting about it on FB too. Stay strong and definitely go into the school to get a plan in place. You're a fab mum, well done for dealing with this so well.

Rhubarbginmum · 22/02/2018 17:30

Don’t go next door it’ll only fuel the fire.
The NDN sounds so vile I bet not only has she told her DD you and your DD have ruined her birthday party and made her mum sad etc I wouldn’t even be surprised if she had told her to do this to your DD but not really gave expected her DD to carry this out. You need to go in and see the HT before things get any worse if the girl is behaving like this at 5 I dread to think what she will be like in a few years time.