To say no to trip of a lifetime?

[feedmewinenow]

Trying to hide some details but basically exH moved to the other side of the world when DD was 3. At the time he kept it a huge secret and only told me 10 days before he left despite having known for months due to visa applications etc. He went with OW who was from said Country.

At the time he left he was prepared to cut all ties with 2yr old DD (I know, I know!) and whilst I wanted to bury his body under the patio, I bought a globe and map of the Country he lives in so she could see where he was and facilitated contact. Move forward several years later and he has asked if 10year old DD can visit with his parents for 3 and 1/2 weeks in January!

However, DD will be in year 6 of primary and obviously not allowed the time off plus it’s an important year for her with the transition to secondary. First instinct is an absolute no, but AIBU? I appreciate the cost but she has 10 weeks off in the summer and if it was Christmas or Easter it would reduce the time off school but he won’t pay for that! He also doesn’t pay for DD and never has. I get the odd small amount when I specifically ask for something. (Which I do through gritted teeth but I’ve learnt not to be proud if it benefits her!)

It's not the trip of a lifetime. It's going to a see her pillock of a father and her relatives who haven't seen her either.

Suggest that he uproots for a month if it's that important.

Quite apart from the logistics, has she even seen him in the last 8years? How does she feel about it?

I wouldn’t allow it. Especially as she has so much time off over summer etc. He doesn’t pay for her normally so could use that money for a plane ticket!

Has DD seen her dad since he left? What’s her relationship like with his parents?

I would let her go.

Dangerous, what would happen if she did not come back?!

I'd fight it tooth and nail!!!

That is not a trip of a lifetime!!

More info needed!

I think the question here is would you take your child out of school for three weeks in January to go with you on holiday. If the answer is no, then regardless of this being the time of a lifetime the answer is no.
My council would fine you anyway.

You don't mention the relationship between your child and the paternal grandparents, would she be happy to go with them anyway?

I think you say it would be great for her to come over the summer and that's the deal. If that is too expensive for him then he should dip into the huge bag of money marked unpaid maintenance, that he has in his house.

Yeah, how exactly is this trip of a lifetime?

No brainier - school doesn’t allow it. I’m assuming you are also going with her and all of your expenses would be paid (since you will need to take 3 1/2 weeks off work)?

Or is he suggesting you send a 10 year old child to spend weeks with strangers half way around the world? I’m assuming he’s not seen his child in 8 years and it’s been via Skype he keeps contract.

There's a good chance she wouldn't even want to go. Travelling to the other side of the world with strangers to stay with strangers? I'm an adult and I'd hate that, I think as a child I'd be terrified.

How much contact does she have with his parents? Has he seen her at all over the years? How does she feel about him?

But no, I wouldn't let her go, even if she did want to.

An absolute no from me. She cannot be missing school in year six for such a trip that can be done in the holidays. It is of no benefit to her, only him. He's probably being coerced by his parents into being the doting father.

Does she know him at all? Would she want to spend 3 1/2 weeks with someone she hardly knows if not?

Sorry OP I totally didn't read the last part where you said he doesn't pay towards her

No fucking way. What an arsehole

Does your DD have any kind of relationship with her paternal grand Parents?

Has she ever physically met her father and had overnight contact with him ever?

How long has she been apart from you, ie will she cope being away from you for weeks on end?

Is he also paying the fine for taking her out of school during term time?

Does she want to go?

No way. She can go when she is older if she wants to.

Even if the school allowed it, I wouldn’t. He hasn’t bothered in 8 years, why now?
I would feel very uncomfortable sending my daughter to another country with a family she and I don’t know....

No fucking way would my small child travel that far without me.

It would be a no from me. Too far away. Too long a trip without you. Tell him he's welcome to visit her when he comes over here to,see his parents!!

No way.

If he wants to see her, he comes here where she has familiar surroundings and your support.

If he really can’t come here, he pays for you to take her there at a time that suits you.

He’s a stranger and she’s in school. He can see her in your country in carefully managed time so she can cope. The support he hasn’t paid over the years would fund 10 such trips.

That'd be a big fat no from me.

If he wants to meet her and spend time with her he should come to her.

No way.

He should come here first and get to know her.

Then he should offer a trip at a time which suits her.