To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

[DippyScout]

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

YANBU. I am a Cub Scout Leader and have given 3 terms notice that I am stepping down. Although I do just about have a parent rota, to have a 2nd adult, when I have called a meeting for parents about volunteering to organise activities 1 parent (out of 18 Cubs) turned up. The last couple of years actually have been the best, but now I am telling the parents that they have to step up, as I did 10 year ago when the CSL left. I have called a meeting in a couple of weeks time about handover and me winding down. I wonder if any will come....

Firstly thanks my DD does beavers and most parents do value the leaders

That said one of my DD classmates left the beavers and the parents were dreadful blaming the leaders for making it all too strict for their son when in fact he is just very naughty and couldn’t hack the discipline

You do despair of some parents and I really don’t know how leaders cope when faced with that type of parent

@xmb53 schedule the meeting for last 10 minutes of meeting so that parents have to come as picking up kids !

We still didn't get any offers of help - they all just sat there in silence 😩

I used to run a toddler group and people were equally rude and sometimes spoke to me like I should be serving them. I was doing it all by myself. I ended up turning around and saying "you do know I'm an unpaid volunteer don't you?". Scarily, some of them thought I was paid to run the group, but others apologised and chipped in to help. You need to point this out, possibly in a letter saying that you are unpaid.

This is really sad to read!

What a shame you put your own time into doing something voluntary, that Benefits the children so much and feel like this!
My eldest goes to beavers and (although with younger children I can’t help out we do involve ourselves in family days/marches etc) I would be devastated if his leaders felt like this!

What you’re doing is great and I’m sorry you feel like this.
I think a letter home explaining exactly how you feel as you have done here would be good.. maybe even a schedule detailing what dates you will be doing what and what badges the children will be aiming to achieve. If parents aren’t happy they can take their child elsewhere as they have been made aware of what each week will consist of. You could offer the parents an opportunity to offer their thoughts and what they would like to see being done.

Hope this helps, I think you’re fab
Xx

Give them notice to find another Colony that cannery they needs. I been through same as childminder and told some parents to ho find someone that was more flexible to they needs as I couldn't be at they disposition when they want without pay.

YANBU

Tell them you are leaving as they are a bunch of cunts

I'm involved with a scouting group and i marvel at how much you guys put in on a voluntary basis and what amazing experiences the children get for next to nothing as well as sadly how entitled parents can be. Can't offer advice as same is happening in our group, only to say you are amazing and children are getting awesome childhood memories because of you

well since you've got a huge waiting list, i'd send round an email to say that you can no longer continue without volunteers, and that for their children to stay in the group they have to attend x volunteer days. if they fall below this their child's place shall be given to the next child on the waiting list.

furthermore, you've been receiving a lot of complaints. those that feel things should be run differently are very welcome to discuss those changes, and if they're appropriate (ie. you like them), then the complainant may implement the change and supervise it for the first few months at least.

i reckon that should get rid of the twats.

Why ate subs voluntary? All Beavers, Cubs and Scouts near us charge an annual gee and weekly attendance fee of £3.50 and you pay half fee if they miss a week. How do you fund activities if they don't all pay?

As a parent to 3 dcs who have loved beavers / cubs / scouts, I salute all you volunteers who give your time and effort to provide such awesome activities. You are bloody amazing and I want to thank you all.

Oh Lordy Loo....Volunteering is such a joy isn’t it!! I feel your pain OP

I volunteer at a community swimming pool and heaven forbid I should ever need to tell them to stop doing something (dangerous). I’ve had parents who used to be really friendly who now refuses to acknowledge me 🙄

Also my son used to be a Beaver/ cub/ scout/ explorer and the group was and still is amazing. They have a long waiting list and are really appreciated by most but I know there are always picky parents. You should continue if you love it but just ignore anyone who has the nerve to criticise and let it go over your head. Can you ask parents to Maybe wait outside or in a corridor so you don’t have to deal with them. Or throw a few sickies to see how they like that!! Good luck

Really sad to hear this but part of a much bigger picture. I actually chose to leave a paid job working with young people due to unreasonable demands of (modern) parents. I’d been in it for well over 15 years. They just kept wanting more and more of my time in exchange for less and less effort on the part of their DC, but with the same rewards.

I think so many kids nowadays do so many activities, parents are forgetting how to parent in those often tricky hours after school and before bed. I swim regularly at a local pool which has increased the swimming lessons over the past year or so. Just last week one of the lovely swimming teachers had to apologise to me as I was in a lane and two boys in her class were splashing and shouting at me. I smiled and said don’t worry it’s half term they are probably just excited etc to which she smiled. She caught me after their lesson and in private explained they are a real handful, won’t listen or behave yet their parents constantly complain they are making no progress. I can vouch that her ‘classroom management’ skills are great as other kids learning do listen and progress. Parents of said boys were later in the changes rooms laughing at how ‘ borin’ yes no g, the teacher was for not thinking their messing about was ‘just a bit of a laugh’. There is definitely a huge gap in the market for parenting lessons in this current climate.

I take my hat off you volunteers - far too many entitled people around with an expert view on everything yet no desire to step up and be the next volunteer group.

To the posters saying they can't help because...kids, work, time....

Hate this exclude. Like you couldn’t swap with another parent for child care? Or use paid child care? Or swap shifts? Or help on a weekend or holiday activity? Or do something!!!

@Miss Eliza

I apologise if you didn't like my comment, but honestly I have enough problems keeping up with my own kids schedules without having to remember that Miss Eliza can't do it because Eliza Junior has football/dancing. I never ever judge parents who choose not to help (everyone can choose what they do with their time afterall), I just embrace willing volunteers!
People who really want to help generally find a way.
I've met some amazing people through Guiding (and Scouting), including people with disabilities, carers, full time workers, people with a huge array of other commitments, who CHOOSE to give their time because they value what Guiding/Scouting can offer.

Just because I can't give someone elses schedule/choices headspace when dealing with 34 Guides does not make me snotty or dismissive.

A thankless task, I survived 4 years but you have every sympathy. We had some truely shocking parents and the best we managed was a parent rota (but give them a date and they can only swap with another parent or its always the poor few!) We sent a letter explaining we were volunteers, doing our best, open to help etc etc but there are those who get it and those who dont! It would be a shame to stop if the children enjoy it but save your sanity!! Unless people are doing it they have no idea of the paperwork, planning, etc etc

I didn't say I couldn't volunteer (we do, both on regular nights and one-off events), but I acknowledged that it can be difficult to manage with other children (especially younger ones, or with SN, or where there's no other family to help).

I think the best thing to do is to lay out the expectations for helping right at the start, stating that beavers can't go ahead without parents helping. Then they know where they stand and hopefully will deselect themselves if unable to/not prepared to help.

Send an email to all the parents saying that you need to set up a rota for help. Give a list of dates and say that you need one parent per session. Say that if parents cannot step in the group will have to close as it is a onerous commitment for you, on your own each week. Once you have parents helping they will appreciate the effort you put in.

Do these parents know that you're a volunteer? If so they have some cheek complaining that they 'pay'! I definitely agree that you should get a parent rota going, especially as you have a waiting list. The entitled ones will drop out and you'll be left with lovely helpful parents (I hope!)

Also, having other children is no excuse not to help - I used to bring mine with me when I helped out.

Oh gosh, most of all this post is sad, I didn't mean to upset others and I'm shocked at how much my experience resonates with others. I am feeling better about it today. My GSL has been great, we have tried to start a parent rota, we've called meetings etc, we have the same few who will help and the others who don't. The problem I have is with a particular group whose children are friends. The children have a great time but the parents just complain week on week. Worst part is they always drop off children late and are the last to pick them up, often 15-20mins late! They are extremely entitled and do treat me like a commodity they've paid for. On a plus side I've only got them for another 6 months!

On reflection though, I do this because I believe it in, the children benefit and I do enjoy it, despite the difficulties, I will keep going - but thank you for a rant and all the really supportive comments and advice to consider! The FB page sounds like a must!

I feel your pain - used to be a Brownie Guider.

A friend's daughter was one of the Brownies. One Christmas she said to me "my mum was going to buy you a box of chocolates for Christmas but said she decided not to cos we're buying a caravan".....

Pulled this off the scouting site - it appears to be going across Facebook too. I would print it and hand it to your parents and post to your Facebook page also-
We are your neighbours, we go to work, we are parents, we are friends, we are normal people, we are the same as you.

We are not experts, we are not paid, we are not superhuman, we are not perfect.

We are Scouts. And we love it!

Our group is run by a group of adults that are dedicated; to working as a team, to having fun, to giving young people experiences that others do not get. However, we do not have all of the answers and we do not have lots of spare time. The only difference between us is that we believe passionately in what Scouting has to offer, so much so that we dedicate our time and energy to providing Scouting to a group of great young people.

We spend our time training; planning; writing and answering emails; completing paperwork; organising activities; completing budgets; attending meetings and the list goes on. All to enable us to deliver an exciting and balanced programme in order to develop and keep the interests of a variety of young people. We also try our best to involve numerous parents, whom are busy with work and raising their children. We have to deal with venues that fall through; a huge set of rules and policies that consistently change; members of our group that do not turn up to events, members of our group that do not let us know that they will not be at events, a constant string of emails, demands that exceed our capabilities and that is just Scouts.

Yet, week after week we turn up because we get to spend our time with a group of young people that make us laugh, that laugh in return, that try activities (even though they are scared), that trust us enough to try new activities, that ask us for advice, that give us advice, that join in with our singing rather than laugh at it and whom try their best to stick to their Scout promise.

Please forgive your leader if they do not always smile, if they are running around trying to organise activities, if they are frustrated or overwhelmed, if they are running late from work or if they do not know the answer straight away. Smile at your leader, offer a hand, ask if you can go to an interesting activity, take an interest in what they are doing and say thank you at the end of the term or evening.

Most importantly remember that everyone is a volunteer; that they are trying their best; that they are all parents, friends, mentors, employees, role models, relatives and Scout Leaders.

Sorry if someone has suggested this already but why not do a session with the children about volunteering in society generally - teaching them about people who give up their time to support the RNLI, litter pick, support the samaritans, learn first aid, etc etc. Get a couple of such people in to discuss what they do and why - stress how nice it is to give back, and give examples of how appreciated these people are and the difference they make to society. You can add (Did you know!) that you are also a volunteer running your group and tell them all the good things you get out of doing it. Teach them that looking for ways to contribute to society can be very enriching. Maybe their parents will get the hint.

I also like the 'if you don't like how I'm running things, move right along' suggestion from EllieMe - I'd write something like
"I'm sorry this Beavers group isn't living up to your expectations. As you know, we run the group as volunteers (taking no payment) and I assure you we do our level best for your children. Happily we have a long waiting list and if you decide that this is no longer something XX wants to be part of, other children would welcome the opportunity to try it out. Alternatively, if you are able to contribute by getting more involved, please call me for a chat when convenient."

I'd tell them if they were regularly late, not to bother bringing them the next week.

I've had my share of entitled parents, but have just been blunt and told them off. One parent was regularly late. I told him he was making me late for picking my son up, which inconvenienced the volunteers who were working with him, and that made me extremely cross. He was never late again.