To want to say F*** off to all the Beaver parents and throw the towel in?

[DippyScout]

Sorry sounds dramatic but my goodness I am at my wits end. I run a very well established Beaver group. I work bloody hard to make sure we have vibrant, engaging and exciting activities every week that link to all the badges and all children can achieve in. I reckon in total I put around 4-5 hours a week into the admin, setting up, running etc of this colony, all for the sake of the 20 Beavers who come each week and really enjoy it. I am a volunteer, a volunteer who has a full time job, children of my own, many other commitments. I do this because I really believe it benefits the children and I adore the children.... however their parents - well that's another thing! On large they simultaneously refuse to help out or support, but expect the moon on a stick and constantly complain and whinge. I have some parents who will help out when asked, but others, particularly a couple of them, who are causing me so much hassle I am tempted to throw the towel in. I don't want to kick their children out (lovely children who love the group) but the parents complain continuously about the nature, style of activities not being badge focused enough (all activities built around badges), complain if I organise trips, complain that we've made the group more inclusive (apparently they don't 'pay' (voluntary subs) for their children to not have full attention), and the list goes on. Over the years I have noticed volunteer support from parents dropping each year, and less and less support. I am a volunteer, it is wearing me down! My children have been and gone from Beavers, I only now do this because I enjoyed it. I've spoken to them, addressed issues clearly and firmly, but they are sapping all the joy from this role! I've been doing this for over 5 years and right now I want to throw the towel in!

The thing is MissEliza that when you have begged for help; are doing this even though your own child doesn't attend as they are KS4, for the benefit of other people's children, and are on the point of shutting it down due to lack of volunteers, then at least some explanation of why help isn't forthcoming, or a firm offer to help once a term, is useful.

We had a parents rota (no dbs checks as we were abroad), and it was made very clear if you couldn't fulfil your commitment on the night you had chosen, then you had to find a replacement. The amount of parents who flaked the night before and expected me to sort it out was astounding. I cancelled the club on more than one occasion due to not having what I deemed an adequate adult/child ratio.

I am another who would really struggle to help on Beaver night. DH works late often away from home. I also have a 1 year old.
However we could offer at weekends.

I'd also agree with a closed Facebook page. Everybody sees everybody's comments and same questions aren't asked more than once.
All 3 sections share the same page so things don't need to be posted by individual leaders.

Its exactly the same in the sports team I manage - its become more and more difficult to get volunteers and even getting them to answer emails stating player availability sometimes requires 3 or 4 repeated requests. Yet these parents are always the ones to complain to the club about lack of inclusion and facilities . I'm slowly having to step back now from the hands on stuff and restrict it to admin only

YANBU. More and more people feeling entitled who have the loudest voices.

To the posters saying they can't help because...kids, work, time....

With our "parents" rota we have always said that any adult will do: granny, grandad, aunt, older sibling, anyone over 18 actually. With about 20 kids it works out at once or twice a year.

Not Beavers but I do volunteer my time for another child related activity. I have just given my notice that I won't be doing it after July. The DC are fine but the parents are ungrateful, rude and complain all the time. Non of them ever help. They won't even help put out chairs and I have had enough. When I quit I told them that I am not prepared to do anything that benefits other parents anymore. They can get off their arses and help out.

Spend the 5 hours a week on your own kids, and take your own kids camping each summer. Quit as of next week. They all sound awful - just focus on your own kids, fuck this for a game of soldiers

I've joined to reply to this. I'm a scout leader and I feel your pain. I took a troop on two years ago from being an assistant, and to be honest some parents weren't pulling their weight. It took some plain speaking from me and my ex GSL now DC to put them in line, however my new GSL has driven me out with her attitude and I'm leaving in the summer ( that's a completely different story)

Hi @DippyScout
I feel your pain. I ran a brownie pack for a few years. In the end I quit, mainly because I felt that to the parents I was just cheap childcare. They all spoke to me and emailed me as if I was their hired help. The complaints were just crazy. I once had a girl performing jokes at a talent show, went down fine with lots of laughter. Afterwards I had an awful email from the mother complaining that ‘x has come home saying that everyone laughed at her and that YOU encouraged it! How could you?’ I’m sure she hadn’t even realised what her daughter was doing.
I think parents without much knowledge of the system may think you are paid, as they pay subs. I do think it’s worth reminding them all through a strongly worded but civil email that you are a volunteer.
I also like the idea of saying ‘oh thanks so much for taking an interest, you’ve no idea how hard it is giving up all my spare time for free, I’d love it if you wanted to lead some badge activities. Here’s the book!’ But I think you may be even more frustrated by the response.
I don’t think you should ask anyone to leave the group but at the end of the email you could say that if anyone has any issues with the activities they can either volunteer their time to the unit or their children can make way for others who desperately want their space.
Good luck and thanks for everything you do for that colony - wishing my son was in your group.

I'm a Cub Leader and know exactly how you feel!! How old are the children with the difficult parents? Would it help you to think ' only x months til they are out of my section' I've had to do that a few times.

Have they been told point blank that you do this for nothing, I have known many parents who for some reason think we are paid ( I wish! )

How is the rest of your leadership team? Is there someone else who could take on the emails/dealing with parents for a few months to give you a break from it whilst you concentrate on the kids and activities?

An email to all with Ignatiusjreilly’s message and notice that any and all communication must henceforth go through a closed FB group sounds like a good place to start IF you want to keep going. You’ve spent years giving your time and talents to this group. You don’t need anyone’s permission to call it a day.

You're starting to dread the sessions
You dread opening emails
You have been in tears on at least 2 occasions

If this was work, people would be advising that you were at risk of burn-out, if not already there, and that you should seriously consider time off / a job change.

This is a voluntary activity. I think you should seriously consider leaving, at the very least to have some time out and think what you'd like to do. Don't forget that if you do leave there's nothing to stop you hoing back in 5 years or so if you really want to.

Another one here, many of the same reasons, but three and a half years was enough for me (and I volunteer elsewhere now, still benefiting many of the same kids).

DS2 is now in Beavers, I make a point of always helping when it's our turn, always saying thank you, and have switched from giving teachers presents (they still always get a thank you card) to chocs or wine for volunteers at Christmas and the end of the school year.

It can be thankless and unfortunately the less people that help, the quicker the small few burn out and become resentful, if everyone chips in it's much more sustainable and fun.

Miss Eliza - I run one unit this year - last year I ran two. I was also the DC and (totally against the rules) the treasurer for 5 units and the district. I work ft and have three children, one who danced every night of the week, one with ball practice three nights a week, and one (physical disability) who was in three separate after-school activities with tournaments and training. Dh works away a lot, sometimes with a day or two notice.
When dh is away, I have to to beg lifts or pay for taxis to get the other kids to and from, or hope that we have enough ratio so I can zip out for twenty minutes. Or I get the kids to wait an extra hour at dance/ school/ wherever until I am finished. I have two weeks annual leave. On two occasions I have used it for long Guide camps (a two week international trip that I ran, and a 9 day jamboree that I took two patrols to). We didn’t go on family holidays those years and I had to take time off work unpaid to spend time with my family. I have another two week trip coming up next year, so a lot of my weekends are taken up with fundraising.
I have perfected a head tilt and an ‘I know, right?’ for parents who can’t give an hour and a half a year because Johnny has softball.

I’d quit, OP. It takes a village, not just one person to make these things work. Sadly your village just doesn’t respect you, which is a horrible position to be in.
At the risk of making this sound like ‘lack of time top trumps’, I don’t believe that these parents don’t have time to help. They just can’t be bothered to make time. You and the troop are not a priority, until their free time is interrupted due to a canceled camp or whatever.
Last year, I was part way through a PGCE when DH was diagnosed with cancer. I had two under five. I still made time to volunteer with my children’s activities between time in school and endless hospital stays and so on. We live abroad and I have minimal family help due to distance, but I made it work. The parents who say they can’t help, for the most part, are taking the piss. They could but don’t want to.

Leave. I left this year after 5 years and whole load of shit in the past year (mainly other leaders rather than parents) and I'm so relaxed now I don't have the worry of meetings, organising, parents, kids etc etc. It's so lovely to be free!

Just wanted to say thanks for all the comments and suggestions on here... making me feel less alone and less crazy. I can't believe that volunteering has made me feel so unhappy and anxious. I need to quit!

Do what you feel is right for you but make sure the parents who have cause this know and also your GSL for not giving you support

I feel your pain. I have seen peoples support dwindle for things and yet their expectations rising!

Over my primary school 'career' I see parents being more critical & less helpful 😔

I think YANBU to throw in the towel 💐

Brownie leader here - a lone voice in some respects as so far my parents have all been great...

Question about the FB thing, we have a closed group that has worked brilliantly but now I have a new Brownie and her parents won’t use FB. Any suggestions for how to get round this? So far I’ve had to text, email and update facebook with reminders for an event this week which just feels like over kill! In the past I just put it on FB.

Our group has a parent rota and parents are expected to do their turn or find cover or swap with someone else. It amounts to about 3 times a year at most.

Helping parents are welcome to bring younger children with them. Everyone seems to have managed and often for weekend activities/camps we get lots of dads helping.

It doesn’t seem to put people off. The waiting list is huge and if a child is not on it by their third birthday it’s unlikely they’ll get a place.

On the FB/communication front, we use OSM and email where necessary, never FB.

MustRemember I'd tell the parents to sign up to FB. They don't need to use it for anything other than Brownies and even more they don't need to use a "real" name a variation, skip a few letters, first & middle name would do.

My cousin was forced into FB by a child's football club.

I'd say same as avoiding and also say that that is how the group works and how you communicate. you don't have time to communicate in a different format for 1 child. If they don't like it then they can either risk missing out on communications or find another group that suits them better.

It's all very well having your own principles but you can't expect everyone else to fanny about you making sure that you can stick to them.

Set up a FB account with a throw away email and only use it for Brownies, it's not exactly hard and you don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out. - that's to them not you MustRemember

I feel your pain. Most people can help in some way: helping out on occasional sessions, helping out at the Christmas Party, helping collect/purchase materials for activities to give to you or (as I do) do the local scout campsite bookings. I’d try and look at what support you need, break it down into small tasks/responsibilities, then ask for volunteers to do those small tasks/responsibilities. Once parents start to come forward, they are more likely to willingly take on more work. And ignore the moaners, hard though I know that is when you give so much!

Marmary how is it physically possible to work full time, take different children to different activities and run two brownie packs all at the same time? Are you not at work when these activities are going on?