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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Referring to yourself as a full-time mum

370 replies

tiredmumm · 19/02/2018 10:07

Hi,

I'm just curious as to other people's opinions but I was watching a programme and a contestant referred to themselves as a full-time mum meaning they are a SAHM. AIBU because this really irritates me, I'm currently on Mat leave but when I return to work I will still class myself as a full-time mum as I don't suddenly not become a mum whilst working.

I've heard it so many times where FTM is referred to as though those who work are not.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 19/02/2018 14:46

I don't refer to myself as a full time mum at all, just SAHM. But I wouldn't think of myself as a full time mum when I stop being a SAHM because I won't be 'muming' full time if you see what I mean. It doesn't mean that I stop being a mother when I am not around my children but it does mean that I will no longer be dedicating all of my time to my mothering duties which will be very gratefully offloaded on to the nursery while I am part time and then the nanny when I finally move into full time work. That's just how I see the distinction but it is a really awkward phrase (hence why I refuse to use it) so the meaning is ambiguous.

paxillin · 19/02/2018 14:47

If people meant well it wouldn't matter what either a SAHM or WOHM is called. The issue is, people do not mean well. Every single label is used at times to either shame the woman in question or other women who do the opposite.

@HollyBayTree using the "unemployed" label on here is a good example.

FernLove · 19/02/2018 14:49

eurgh2018
Fair Enough!!! Grin

toolonglurking · 19/02/2018 14:51

Being a full-time mum/housewife in 2018 just doesn't cut it anymore. If women want true equality, they need a paid job/career

ODFOD

If I choose not to return to work and stay at home to raise my children it is none of your fucking business and it is certainly not your right to judge me for it. I couldn't care less what you do, so please repay me the courtesy.

If you want /need to work, then work. If you don't, then don't. If anyone wants to judge you for whatever you do, they can fuck off to the far side of off!

gimmesomeapachepizza · 19/02/2018 14:53

Being a full-time mum/housewife in 2018 just doesn't cut it anymore. If women want true equality, they need a paid job/career

Fuck that shit. Who the fuck are you to tell me that I am not equal because I don't have paid employment right now? You could not be further in the wrong.

Oysterbabe · 19/02/2018 14:55

I describe myself as a full time mum, mainly because SAHM doesn't fit the bill for me, it implies I'm at home when the opposite is true and we're out and about having adventures every day

I rolled my eyes so hard at that one I saw my brain.

1ndig0 · 19/02/2018 14:59

If that PP called herself an OAAM (out-and-about-mum) would that be ok? Grin

FlatToTheMat · 19/02/2018 14:59

Toolonglurking my point exactly

Twofishfingers · 19/02/2018 15:00

There we go again. Biscuit

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 19/02/2018 15:00

What if dh pays me to be at home

Would that count?

If not how many hours do i have to work to be equal...1?

Does it have to be a weekly job, can i just get paid for 1 hours work a year?

Im curious, i have an otherwise lovely friend who is always having a 'good natured' dig at how many hours a week i work. Its not enough apparently. I wouldnt mind but she only works part time as well, but just many more hours than me.

KalaLaka · 19/02/2018 15:02

#iamatomato

LittleLionMansMummy · 19/02/2018 15:09

And unfashionable as it is to bring it up, I don't think we should rule out biological urge either.

To raise children? Careful now. Last time I checked I had both a womb and a vagina. I should think that most mums here who also work in paid employment consider themselves female, biologically speaking. I'm not sure it's as much unfashionable to bring up, as easily disproved.

Thisseatistaken · 19/02/2018 15:11

These threads are horrible and unnecessary. Maybe mumsnet should stop allowing them - it just makes people feel bad about themselves - and presumably we are all doing our best.
Everyone has their own individual circumstances and they determine their choices in life. Just butt out.

paxillin · 19/02/2018 15:15

I agree nobody walks away from threads like this feeling any better, but I strongly disagree with "Maybe mumsnet should stop allowing them".

LaurieMarlow · 19/02/2018 15:16

To raise children? Careful now. Last time I checked I had both a womb and a vagina. I should think that most mums here who also work in paid employment consider themselves female, biologically speaking. I'm not sure it's as much unfashionable to bring up, as easily disproved.

No, to answer the question why more mums end up as the SAH parent than dads.

As unfashionable (and perhaps even 'dangerous') as it is to bring it up, I think differences in biological makeup should be considered in that discussion.

LaurieMarlow · 19/02/2018 15:18

Sorry, to be super clear I mean differences in biological makeup between males and females.

Parker231 · 19/02/2018 15:19

This subject has been done to dead. I am a full time employee and full time parent. My DT’s are at Uni but I’m still 100% their Mum same as when they were at nursery and school. I have (jointly with DH) been 100% responsible for everything relating to them.

gimmesomeapachepizza · 19/02/2018 15:21

Nobody is a full time parent though, are they? You are (or there is something wrong) a hundred other things.
If you are describing your self as a full time parent when your children have left home you a) don't understand the term as it is commonly used and b) really need to work on your self esteem and get yourself a life.

1ndig0 · 19/02/2018 15:22

Of course there are different biological urges - its the exact reason women have this kind of endless debate and men do not.

MCSpammer · 19/02/2018 15:24

I'm a SAHM but identify as a WOHM. Often I spend my days wandering the aisles of Sainsburys asking 'Is there anything I can help you with today?'

Wink
Celebelly · 19/02/2018 15:27

I don't really care (although it's not a way I would ever wish to describe myself for various reasons) but I do admit to cringing when I see 'Full-time mum' as someone's 'job' on Facebook.

scrappysquirrel · 19/02/2018 15:27

These threads are horrible and unnecessary. Maybe mumsnet should stop allowing them - it just makes people feel bad about themselves - and presumably we are all doing our best.
Everyone has their own individual circumstances and they determine their choices in life. Just butt out.

This!!!

Pluckedpencil · 19/02/2018 15:28

Maybe we should start saying we are the childcare for our children!?

SleepingStandingUp · 19/02/2018 15:32

LittleLionMansMummy I think it was meant in terms of when one of you has to stay home, it is disproportionatly the woman and perhaps accepting that there's a degree of biological urge rather than just patriarchy that meant for example I, the woman, stayed home over my DH. Not that there is a biological urge difference between wohm, wfhm, sahm, oaam, iaatm etc

NataliaOsipova · 19/02/2018 15:37

Being a full-time mum/housewife in 2018 just doesn't cut it anymore.

What does "cut it"? What do you do? How much do you earn? Dors someone who earn more than you do "cut it" better?

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