Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Early morning sex ...

343 replies

Sodamntiredasalways · 19/02/2018 00:02

I get one lie in a week, a Sunday. The rest of the week I'm up for work or training (5:30/6am) and DH is still in bed. Apart from Saturday when we train together. DH has developed this habit of wanting sex at 6am on a Sunday morning. The sun wakes him up .... but apparently it doesn't Monday to Friday HmmAIBU to want to scream at him to bugger off and let me sleep or should I appreciate the affection? He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake up and begrudgingly agree. So I can't pretend to be asleep. (This is lighthearted, I love him and we have a great physical relationship - I just was one lie in a week) thoughts ?

OP posts:
Joey7t8 · 19/02/2018 09:14

Couldn’t you just initiate when it’s late on Saturday. I would, just to make a point

Careful. Judging by some of the standards on this thread, that would be coercion/rape.

Ansumpasty · 19/02/2018 09:15

Is it only me who's desperate for a poo as soon as I wake?
That's one way to put him off, tell him you are desperate for a shit Grin

rocketgirl22 · 19/02/2018 09:18

Op, you might think it is 'playful' and 'lighthearted' of him to wake you up at 6am for sex, but to me this smacks of the most selfish self centred behaviour.

Why are you putting up with it??

We are not in the 1940s now. Sit down and tell him straight outside of the bedroom no more waking me up on Sunday and mean it. If he then doesn't listen to you you know you have a big problem.

I am not sure why this is so hard for you to do without posting on here. If you have any kind of future with this man you need to find your voice or you are screwed.

wakemeupbefore · 19/02/2018 09:18

dontforget...., YABU for using the word 'grim' in the context.

You are hand-wringing and have an agenda to tie up with all the current hysteria in the press, all males are rapists.
A deluded poster upthread said ' you can only be rapist when you have a penis' - such blatant naive stupidity is only found on MN, hopefully Hmm.

What peolple, who over-react and get offended by everything and anything remotely sexual/sensual/etc, do, is to diminish the actual problem, which is too grave to be toyed with.

OPs DH is horny in the morning and is trying to, gently at that, to raise OPs interest in a bit of a romp. OP is not saying 'no, you horrid patriarchal male chauvinistic opressor, off with you' , she says 'later'.

Can you not see the difference?

gamerchick · 19/02/2018 09:18

On the other hand sometimes DH tries it when I'm asleep and I just pretend not to wake up and let him get on with it lol.

Your husband thinks you’re asleep but sticks it in anyway? Hmm you don’t mind being treated like a sex toy?

This thread is depressing actually. Some of you need to raise the bar on what you’re prepared to tolerate. Just because you make it ok in your head doesn’t change anything.

TheVanguardSix · 19/02/2018 09:19

'Get him a Gro-Clock' is the best advice on this thread. GrinGrinGrin

foodiefil · 19/02/2018 09:20

Lol @FissionChips !

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2018 09:21

A deluded poster upthread said ' you can only be rapist when you have a penis' - such blatant naive stupidity is only found on MN, hopefully”

As a point of information, that is true anywhere, not just on Mumsnet.

wakemeupbefore · 19/02/2018 09:22

Berty... in the world of rampantly militant feminists perhaps... Hmm.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 19/02/2018 09:23

I think it's because she was being light hearted then got viciously attacked and her husband labeled a rapist. So I guess she has changed her story a bit.

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2018 09:24

“Berty... in the world of rampantly militant feminists perhaps..”

Nope. In the world of the law of the land.

However, if you check my posts you will see that I have nor specified the sex of the participants when I am talking about consent.

MrsKoala · 19/02/2018 09:24

We both like lazy morning sex (haven’t had it for 5 years tho!) but we have the rule that we don’t wake the other for sex. We both find that really rude and disrespectful. If I’m sleeping I’m obviously not horny so leave me be. This is established early on in all my relationships. Don’t poke me in the leg with your cock. Don’t lick my neck. Don’t kiss my ear. Don’t stroke my back...I AM SLEEPING.

downthestrada · 19/02/2018 09:25

OPs DH is horny in the morning and is trying to, gently at that, to raise OPs interest in a bit of a romp. OP is not saying 'no, you horrid patriarchal male chauvinistic opressor, off with you' , she says 'later'.

Is pestering until she gives in just raising her interest? She said she has tried talking with him and negotiating with him and nothing works. He certainly doesn’t respect her. If it’s not rape, it’s still unpleasant.

ClosDesMouches · 19/02/2018 09:25

A deluded poster upthread said ' you can only be rapist when you have a penis' - such blatant naive stupidity is only found on MN, hopefully

Are you not in the UK, wakemeupbefore ?

BertrandRussell · 19/02/2018 09:25

Where was she “viciously attacked”?

GnotherGnu · 19/02/2018 09:27

Gamerchick, I wouldn't jump to conclusions that letting a partner "get on with it" equates to allowing him to penetrate her whilst pretending to be asleep. It could also mean that she lets him get on with masturbation.

Arealhumanbeing · 19/02/2018 09:32

@wakemeupbefore

I did think (I don’t now) that OP was an MRA seeking upset and confusion on the issue of consent, with a good argument and a few accusations of “militant feminism” and hysteria for fun. ’militant rape brigade’ was a high point wasn’t it? Hmm

She went from asking if she was being unreasonable for wanting to scream at him etc to not saying much at all. Oh there was the bit about having tried to ‘negotiate’ with him too. Yes it all sounds absolutely fine doesn’t it. I would guess that OP found the assessment of her situation very upsetting which is why she went quiet and then played it down.

You’re mistaken though. There is no militancy on this thread. Just well meaning, educated people trying to help as they have observed that the OP described a situation that is abusive.

Who was it that said recently (on Twitter I think) that, ‘sadly some women internalise sexism and misogyny to the point of lobotomy’.

I find myself thinking of that quote quite often.

Elendon · 19/02/2018 09:32

No one has viciously attacked the OP. What most posters have done is call out the husband for his unpleasant and disrespectful behaviour. It's no coincidence that he repeatedly does this on the only morning that the OP has a chance to lie in.

Maybe a gro clock is the only way forward for a man who doesn't seem to grasp the concept of a conversation in which he is asked nicely to stop doing something.

OutyMcOutface · 19/02/2018 09:33

So do this on the days that he sleeps late.

MrsKoala · 19/02/2018 09:34

I really hope it’s the latter Gnu. Otherwise someone penetrating your seemingly unconscious body is disgusting. I have lost count of the amount of men I have known who think waking you up ‘in a sexy way’ ie penetration, is an okay thing to do.

One of my friends got so sick of it that with every new partner she said ‘I am not one of the women who thinks it’s okay to have sex with me while I’m sleeping’. Some men were quite shocked as all their other girl friends had loved it apparently. And also they would love it too. Confused

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 19/02/2018 09:35

@wakemeup

You do have to have a penis in order to commit rape. That’s the law in the uk at least.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_in_English_law

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/02/2018 09:36

The way I read the OP is not that OP doesn't want sex with her DH, it's just that at that moment she'd rather sleep. She is annoyed at being woken on her only lie in.

I've had similar and once I am awake then I'm happy to be put in the mood even though I am still grumpy about being woken.

Luckily I'm not one for early morning exercise so I have my lie in on a Saturday when he gets up early for his :)

dontforgetto · 19/02/2018 09:37

@wakemeupbefore - I can assure you I have no agenda! I was simply sharing my opinion about this thread and some of the behaviour discussed on it.

I stand by the word grim too, this thread is not pretty.

None of us know the ins and outs of the OP's marriage except her. What I and many others have shared concern about is her describing her DH as pestering her for sex until she begrudgingly agrees. This doesn't sound ideal, I'm sure we can all agree? In some circumstances it could even constitute rape.

I don't see what is unreasonable about women pointing this out. Great that the OP isn't in that situation (from what she describes in later posts), but this is a public forum and there could be many women who are being coerced into sex by a partner and are reading this, identifying with the OP.

Enthusiastic consent is what we should be promoting to our children and expecting for ourselves. Anything else just blurs the lines of what's acceptable and helps perpetuate abuse.

SoupDragon · 19/02/2018 09:38

A deluded poster upthread said ' you can only be rapist when you have a penis' - such blatant naive stupidity is only found on MN, hopefully

I am not deluded. From the Sexual Offences Act on the CPS website:

Rape (section 1)
The elements of rape are:

(A) intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis;
(B) does not consent to the penetration, and
(A) does not reasonably believe that (B) consents

MoistCantaloupe · 19/02/2018 09:38

oh, apparently I called him a dick and he isn't a dick. But OP, you have changed from "He will persist every 15 minutes until I finally wake and begrudgingly agree" to it being "nice, respectful, playful". You can see how those two things contradict and will have confused everyone.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.