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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have lost the will to live

406 replies

lovelystar · 18/02/2018 03:15

Someone please give me some advice or something, anything to take my mind of how fuming I am.

I am being induced tomorrow at 11am, boyfriend went for a pint with a friend, fine, said he'd be back by 12, fine, gives me a chance to bath/clean/chill.

It's now 3am he has just stumbled in absolutely steaming, rang the doorbell constantly, waking me up even though he had his keys on him. He's been sick in the bedroom/bathroom knocking everything over. To top it all off I'm now on the sofa as he's diagonal across the bed snoring his head off and he's far to heavy for me to move him.

You know any other night I may have found it slightly amusing and left him to it. I just wanted tonight of all nights to not be woken up and kept awake and having to get up early to clean up all his sick before I come home with the baby. He will be a nightmare to get up in the morning and I don't think I can face the dramatics and moodiness of him when I have to get up and go and have a baby.

Would I be a complete bitch if I left him to it and went and had the baby myself and made him regret it for a long time. Or is that a step too far? It's my first baby and a high risk pregnancy. Sorry for the rant it's early/late and I'm angry.

OP posts:
Bramble71 · 18/02/2018 11:01

I might sound harsh, but he's made his own bed and now he has to be sick in it! What a thoughtless and selfish man he sounds. Is he normally like this? Or could it be nerves and worry for you and the baby, with it being a high risk pregnancy?

I don't think you'd be unreasonable at all to leave him to sleep it off and clean it all up, have your little bub and then leave him with regrets. Sometimes it's the only way to learn.

Cockmagic · 18/02/2018 11:05

Good luck Flowers

Original poster
lovelystar · 18/02/2018 11:06

@properlavs induction is at 11.30 and the taxi is booked for 11, hospital is 10 mins away Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelystar · 18/02/2018 11:08

@chick it's a work trip and can't change it unfortunately, my due date isn't for another 2 weeks so she thought it would be ok I guess

OP posts:
ProperLavs · 18/02/2018 11:08

I guess things have changed a lot then. Usually you have to wait around for hours before you are induced.

MadMags · 18/02/2018 11:09

What are you on about? Everyone I know gets a time to come in for induction!

OP, how did you leave him?!

Worieddd · 18/02/2018 11:10

What an absolute twat!!!!

I hope all goes well for you today Flowers

graziemille · 18/02/2018 11:10

OP
I just feel so sad for you.
Thanks

Gaelach · 18/02/2018 11:11

Good luck!! I'm so excited for you to meet your wee one soon.

Original poster
lovelystar · 18/02/2018 11:11

So we are on our way to the hospital in a taxi, the whole thing led to an explosive row bringing up everything over our relationship it's ridiculous. Taxi driver looks most uncomfortable as we both sit here in silence ignoring each other Grin I'm still fuming, is there an angry way to sit there with your legs wide open and have a doctor stick her hand up you? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelystar · 18/02/2018 11:12

@properlavs induction has been booked for about 2 weeks

OP posts:
MadMags · 18/02/2018 11:13

I don’t think he should be with you. That’s the last thing you need right now!

Snowysky20009 · 18/02/2018 11:14

Good luck sweetheart. Sorry you have a dick supporting you Hmm just concentrate on you today. Every time he brings something up simply say 'I don't want to talk about it today' and ignore him- close your eyes. Flowers

NerrSnerr · 18/02/2018 11:14

You should send him home and call your friend.

TyrionLannistersShadow · 18/02/2018 11:15

OP you and your baby deserve better than this. Take this as a big wake up, kick in the arse because if this is what he's like at the birth of your precious child, well that sets the bar pretty low for the rest of the time doesn't it. Best of luck today x

tigercub50 · 18/02/2018 11:16

He behaves like that & calls you a bitch??! Just cos you told him he had to wait to use the loo?! You have one big baby already by the sounds of it!

mumspice · 18/02/2018 11:18

Poor you.

It is a shame your M couldn't change her trip even with so much notice.

Terftastic · 18/02/2018 11:18

I think you'd be better off on your own. Get the midwives to send him home.

If my DH had called me a bitch when I was about to give birth, he wouldn't be sharing the birth experience with me.

NoSquirrels · 18/02/2018 11:18

Bloody hell! Poor you, OP.

When you get on the Labour Wars, if you don’t want your “D” P there the midwives and staff will make sure he leaves. The mother has the right to choose who is there.

I’d tell him to go home, clean up and if he was feeling like apologising to come back later, but it would need to be a genuine apology.

Flowers. You’ll be OK.

NoSquirrels · 18/02/2018 11:19

OMG bad typo!
Labour Wars = labour ward, obviously!

BrutusMcDogface · 18/02/2018 11:20

Oh you poor thing. He sounds like a complete waste of space. You deserve so much better. Good luck with your induction; hope it goes smoothly for you Flowers

BrutusMcDogface · 18/02/2018 11:21

That's the worst. "Are you going to be a bitch all day?" Means that he knows he did wrong and is wondering if you're going to punish him in some way. What a fucking manchild. What did you say in response? also- had the sick been cleaned up before you left?

Chuggachugga · 18/02/2018 11:22

Right. My dh was like this. Been together 16 yrs and for years I let him do whatever he wanted and got made to feel like shit whenever I expressed my feelings. After having the kids it was worse. Things are definitely much better now (helps that he’s stopped drinking) but you can only change yourself. My best advice is to be assertive and know what you need. Communicate this ahead of him. Don’t lower yourself to shouting... assert yourself calmly. Go and sit with him when you’re done and state your expections (this is the hardest and most terrifying thing I’m about to do and I need you 100% present in order to support me through it. It’s obvious, now that because you decided to go out, and decided to get blasted, that I can no longer get what I need. This was a planned event and your choices mean that I can’t rely on you when I need it most. (Dp replies “ffs stop being so melodramatic) you reply “do you think my expectations were too high? Do you think I’m being unreasonable? Do you think it’s ok to call me names if I say my opinion?”

He sounds like a narcissist and so he will consider any opinion other than his own a personal attack. He struggles with empathy but if you do stick with him then you’ll have to engage him like I showed above. But be warned... it takes years of hard work where you both are willingly to change. I feel for you. You’re in for a hard time. The most important thing is to clearly set your expectations and prepare to defend your boundaries. It’s not impossible but it’s hard. Good luck xxx

FrozenMargarita17 · 18/02/2018 11:22

I'd tell him to go home !! After the way he's spoken to you, I can see he will be less than helpful today !!

ElsieMc · 18/02/2018 11:23

NoSquirrels - You were right in the first place. What an absolute tool he is. So selfish and immature. Good luck to you op.