to have lost the will to live

[lovelystar]

Someone please give me some advice or something, anything to take my mind of how fuming I am.

I am being induced tomorrow at 11am, boyfriend went for a pint with a friend, fine, said he'd be back by 12, fine, gives me a chance to bath/clean/chill.

It's now 3am he has just stumbled in absolutely steaming, rang the doorbell constantly, waking me up even though he had his keys on him. He's been sick in the bedroom/bathroom knocking everything over. To top it all off I'm now on the sofa as he's diagonal across the bed snoring his head off and he's far to heavy for me to move him.

You know any other night I may have found it slightly amusing and left him to it. I just wanted tonight of all nights to not be woken up and kept awake and having to get up early to clean up all his sick before I come home with the baby. He will be a nightmare to get up in the morning and I don't think I can face the dramatics and moodiness of him when I have to get up and go and have a baby.

Would I be a complete bitch if I left him to it and went and had the baby myself and made him regret it for a long time. Or is that a step too far? It's my first baby and a high risk pregnancy. Sorry for the rant it's early/late and I'm angry.

Send him away Sweet.
Go and stay with your Mum when you leave hospital, that room hasn't been set up for nothing, it was done for a reason.
Can't wait to hear your little baby news.😄

Listen to these wise women op.

You don't need him, in fact you'll be a billion times better off without him.
He's an abusive cunt.

You can ask the midwife to make him leave.

Then ask your mum to come, or a friend if you want a birthing partner.
Then when you get out of hospital go to your Mum's.

Good luck with the birth op

Honestly sweetheart, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your little one who deserves a much better start in life than this. He is an utter wankbadger and you are in a strong position in that you can go home and be loved and cherished, which is what you need, and what most loving partners would be delighted to provide.

In other news, when I was induced I had my DS in just over an hour

Good luck!!

And you are in the best postion to get him out of your life right now.

The midwives will be able to help you access the right things, they will have lots of experience of abusive relationships, and will have seen it all before.

He has zero rights to be at the birth, not one.

Ask yourself if an abusive, drunken, vomiting wanker of a man is what you want your new baby to grow up experiencing.

Ask yourself what kind of example that will set for their future relationships.

Thank you everyone, the words mean alot, I was too exhausted to contest him getting in the taxi with me, I don't feel too uncomfortable with him here at the moment so will just see how it goes. I've wanted to leave so many times but I've been guilt tripped and made to feel like I'm unreasonable and 'one of those girlfriends'. I know I'm not always the easiest to get on with and maybe am annoying but as I've said to him many times I've never been mean to him or about him and never cheated or done anything against him. He feels sorry himself alot.

On a positive note midwife said she can feel babies head with her hand and he is really low down which is a promising sign I guess!? Will keep everyone updated.

You can tell the midwife you don’t want him there and he will be asked to leave. You dont need the stress, get someone there to support you properly, then when you leave the hospital go straight to your mums

Hello it’s me again lovelystar! Me from the first page and the middle of the night :)

A few hours sleep and one hair appointment later I’m back and I’m here supporting you, as are lots of us it seems.

My partner dumped me because I wouldn’t have an abortion, and although he then returned to the family home, it was a pretty rocky pregnancy and the birth was also pretty awful with him there. I say ‘returned to the family home’ as I can’t say he got back together with me, as although he said that’s what he did, it didn’t feel like it really, and all the way through I was just desperately hoping that when he saw our baby and me he’d fall in love with us both all over again and everything would be ok.
I’m afraid he didn’t. He was an arse. And I felt so weak and desperate I put up with it, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go, or anyone else to go to. So I lasted until ds was 10months before the inevitable split.

It didn’t spoil my first few months of motherhood, but it did make it a lot harder. Funny thing, I thought losing him would be the hardest thing, but really I was hanging on to the thing (ahem, I mean the person!) that was making my life the most difficult and loneliest and most miserable ever!

A few years later and my ds is the most amazing little boy in the world and I’m so glad his father isn’t in my life anymore.

No regrets.

Except I should have done it sooner to save myself months of sadness and pain.

Now.... you get on and focus on YOU and your darling squishy snuggly yummy lovely ball of squishy loveliness (did I mention squishy?!).

Don’t get distracted by that selfish partner.

If he’s causing any problems send him home.

Tell him you need him fresh later and he should sleep now while he can. Look st you being so nice and considerate to poor ickle him :)

.... Then don’t call him back (sssh!). Unless you’re a glutton for punishment.

Sometimes, it’s easier to be on your own than to have to cope with someone draining you so badly just when you need to be centred and focused on being Bloody Amazing! Which you will be, please don’t worry, you will be amazing xxx

Lovelystar big hugs and here for you

"One of those girlfriends"

You mean, one of those girlfriends who won't be a Porn Mummy to him?

One of those girlfriends who is an actual person and likes to be treated as one?

You fear him thinking badly of you - he's ALWAYS going to think badly of you. He thinks badly of everyone. He's a cunt.

There is literally not a thing you can do to make him a) happy and b) a good person. He's broken. You cannot fix him and you will break yourself and your baby;s childhood if you stick around to try.

I used to be so desperate to make my ex accept that I didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me.

And it NEVER HAPPENED.

he still thinks he was right to abuse me because he doesn't think he abused me. he thinks it's normal behaviour.

Your boyfriend's behaviour is the desperate attention seeking pewling of a neglected infant. HE needs to fix himself. He will never do that while he has you to mistreat.

You sound incredibly strong to me OP (although you may not feel it) I think you've coped amazingly with the situation your DP has put you in. I'm so pleased that you have everything set up at your mums for when you're ready to leave your DP, when the baby is here you'll need to surround yourself with supportive, positive people and it doesn't sound like your DP will be this for you

Maybe you leaving him will be the reality check he needs to get his shot together?

Wishing you lots of luck and congratulations, I'm sure your going to be an amazing mum

Lovelystar this is my first post because I couldn't ignore this. As others have said you are in a really good place to do this now. You and your baby have somewhere safe to go, you don't even have to actually break up with him yourself. The next time he leaves the room say to the midwives "please don't let him back in, he's abusive" and then it's done.

You can free yourself and make sure that your baby never knows the idiot. If your baby was a little girl and he called her a bitch would you put up with it? I doubt it. Don't accept it yourself either. Good luck.

All the best with the birth and leaving him ASAP!!!

Get your Mum to visit whilst he is at work and get a lift back with her

mentally block him out.

And you won’t be alone - you’ve created a human so you never have to be alone for a very long time!

Good luck

Good luck OP. I was in exactly the same position and it's not easy to deal with. Hoping labour goes well for you

Good luck having your baby. Please consider just going to your parents and not going back with him. You deserve love and care with your new baby and you are unlikely to get that from him.

No real man would get so pissed the night before induction. You needed rest and relaxation and instead you slept on the fucking couch for all of 2 hours and had to deal with his sick. What a bloody man child. You poor thing.
Now you are going to be utterly drained and have to push a person out of your body.

He doesn't deserve you.

He called you a bitch because you had to make him wait so you could shower. I just can't get over that. He trumps his wants and needs before your needs and your feelings.
You need to leave him.

Good luck OP. I just wanted to say there’s no failure, only strength, in walking away from someone who doesn’t look after, love and respect you. Often staying is the harder, and worse choice in the longer term, even if in the shorter term it doesnt feel that way. Sounds like your mum is waiting for you to come home.

I imagine you are a bit busy as I write this ...
My fingers are crossed that you are surrounded by positive people, kindness & support as you bring your LO into the world.

You do not have to see anyone you do not want to see.
Your midwives are there to support you before/during& after the birth, you & your newborn’s well-being are paramount. So, he does not have a right to see you or the baby until you say so. if you feel seeing him would upset or distress you, the midwives are there to back you up.

I hope you have shared enough information with your midwives so that they can keep you settled & secure until your mum comes to collect you in a couple of days, & you are referred to support teams.

His behaviour will not improve in the short to medium term - few people are entirely lost causes - & it is not for you or your baby to compensate for his shortcomings as an adult. Meaning that he has to take responsibility for his behaviours.

Talking of responsibilities, you are not obliged to name him as father at registration of baby’s birth.

I suggest you do not mention your intention to him, just go straight ahead. The omission may save a world of pain in due course for both you & your baby - not thinking so much about child maintenance (other MNrs can advise better than me), but more about keeping him (& his family) at arm’s length until you & baby have settled into your new life together which may take some time (as it does for many parents). A name on a birth certificate does not a father make, & he has to show repeatedly/consistently/sustainably that his presence in baby’s life is a good thing before you agree to negotiate formal access etc.

Of course, IF (really big if) he’s shit hot about stepping up to the parental plate & wants to be registered as father, then leave the ball in his court to raise the matter well within the registration period & negotiate from there. Again, still no automatic right to be named. If it doesn’t occur to him or he’s so far up his own twaddle, then so be it.

He has shown his true colours, blown his cover & shot himself in the foot - he’s an arse & you are lovely woman with precious newborn who deserves so much better.

Sorry to read your updates op. I had hoped you would be able to leave before he woke up and get your mate to come with instead.
I am utterly horrified to also read how he called you a bitch this morning. You are carrying his child and he speaks to you like that as if you are shit on his shoe!
Op as many others have said please ask the midwives to remove him and get your mate to come and sit with you. I urge you not to let this carry on, if not for your sake but for your child's sake.
He's an abusive wanker who will never change (they never do!) and the quicker you do something about it the less damage to your child will be done.
You have a new life already set up for you & your baby at your mums, so use it!
Hope all is going well with your induction

OP - if you can, please ask the midwives for help.

They can have him removed.

He probably stinks of booze and vomit - they'll probably be glad to see the back of him.

This is the time to take control if you can - you have help on hand.

Wishing you well

Good luck op

Hope all is going well OP and that once you have your baby you realise you can do ANYTHING for you and for them and you kick this manchild to the curb. He will make your life worse/harder rather than easier/better.

Hope all is going well with the induction! Stay strong, don't waste energy on him x

Hope all is going well lovelystar and I am so sorry he has done this. I agree with PPs-ask him to leave and head for the warmth and support of your family once baby has arrived. Good luck to you.