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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by wedding date?

147 replies

Jeangenie87 · 17/02/2018 19:13

Friend (not particularly close friend) has booked her wedding for 28th December this year. AIBU in being annoyed at people who book weddings over Christmas and new year? It means we can’t go up north for the holidays to visit my family like we usually would, so ruins the whole holidays for us. It seems quite selfish to me to expect everyone else (and it’s going to be a big wedding so lots of people are invited) to want to celebrate their day bang in the middle of the Christmas period when most people would have plans?

OP posts:
HolyShet · 17/02/2018 20:49

My plans for 28th December generally involve sitting on my arse on the sofa in the middle of Crimbo Limbo and arguing with DH about who is going to go to the co-op to get more crisps.

So I'd be well up for a wedding (no cooking! get dressed up again! dancing with your mates!) around then.

Also as it is currently the middle of February her guests have time to plan around it. Very considerate to give so much notice.

VerbenaGirl · 17/02/2018 20:50

YABU. It’s their wedding, their choice. It’s a lovely thing to be invited to someone’s wedding, but you don’t have to accept if the date doesn’t work for you. I’d be quite excited, as I imagine a Christmas wedding would be quite magical.

DerelictWreck · 17/02/2018 20:52

You know what?

It's almost as though her wedding isn't about you... Hmm

UrADaisyIfUDo · 17/02/2018 20:56

I got married at that time of year because of personal circumstances it was unavoidable but we made it clear we understood if people couldn't come because of the holidays.

Toodlepip14 · 17/02/2018 20:56

I had mine around this date. Those who wanted to be at our wedding no matter what were there, those who didn't/couldn't weren't there and I was fine with that.
I had an absolute ball, and the majority of people were made up with the date because it's usually a bit of a lull, it was a weekday and they didn't have to book a day off work

UrADaisyIfUDo · 17/02/2018 21:00

DerelictWreck
"It's almost as though her wedding isn't about you..."

🤣😃

arbrighton · 17/02/2018 21:05

It is possible to not accept the invitation.

And perhaps, for whatever reason, for her, Christmas doesn't have good memories and she'd like to change that.

Treacletoots · 17/02/2018 21:12

Lol. YANBU. It is unreasonable of them to book a wedding on this date. It's the time of year when people generally speaking have a chill and say hello to family & friends they may not ordinarily get to see.

Just because it's a wedding people are supposed to say, ahhhh BUT ITS THEIR WEDDING. They can choose any day of the year, or upcoming years but they chose this, on purpose.

They are asking you to choose between your family or them. I think that's unreasonable. Sitting down and waiting for all the brides to be here to start shooting...

crimsonlake · 17/02/2018 21:16

Has she even invited you yet?

Purplehammer · 17/02/2018 21:17

Why not suggest to your not very good friend staging a wedding re-enactment on a day of your choosing.
Why,even a not very good friend would be delighted she wouldn’t have to miss out on your company.

RavenWings · 17/02/2018 21:19

You know what? It's almost as though her wedding isn't about you...

Exactly. God forbid a friend (a not particularly close friend at that!) doesn't plan her wedding around the OPs wants.

Christmas weddings are great imo. If you don't want to go, don't. You aren't that important and your presence isn't going to make or break the day.

WitchesHatRim · 17/02/2018 21:19

It's the time of year when people generally speaking have a chill and say hello to family & friends they may not ordinarily get to see

Which is very possibly why the b&g have chosen it. It's good time for their family.

How dare they not consider OP hey. Hmm

Oh and OP you seem to have posted and ran....

Lindy2 · 17/02/2018 21:20

Do you want to go to the wedding or would you prefer to see your family up north for Christmas?
Pick what you'd prefer to do the most.

DarkDarkNight · 17/02/2018 21:22

You're not even particularly close, so politely decline and say you visit family over Christmas.

Not a big deal. I hate weddings though, I would never prioritise a wedding of somebody I'm barely friends with over other plans.

deste · 17/02/2018 21:27

We had weddings on the 29 of December 2017 and 2018. We went to both but they didn’t affect any plans.

user1487519954 · 17/02/2018 21:35

I started a thread about booking my wedding on the 29th December and the general consensus was that it's fine!
If you don't want to go then don't!
For us it was pretty much dictated by brother in the army!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/wedding/3157781-Awkward-dates

ShatnersWig · 17/02/2018 21:35

I've been to two weddings on 28th Dec in the last 6 years. Both two of the best I've ever been to.

LexieLulu · 17/02/2018 21:41

See if I got married in England, I would do it around Xmas.

It's a time when all family are travelling to be together anyway, why not kill two birds with one stone? It makes sense

Rafflesway · 17/02/2018 21:57

It would only be selfish of them if they pressurised those invited to change their normal Christmas/New Year traditions to attend.

Similar to a destination wedding, the B & G should be prepared to accept many may not attend due to the date.

Their wedding/their choice but you should NOT be placed in an uncomfortable position to attend if not convenient.

Doobedoobedoobedoobedoobe · 17/02/2018 22:24

I think it's a great idea. If you have family all spread out then that time of year they are more likely to be together/ off work. It's far enough away from Christmas Day itself that friends etc could visit family Christmas Eve - Boxing Day and still have the 27th to get back to the area for the wedding. Sounds perfect to me.

branstonbaby · 17/02/2018 22:24

What do you mean woodpiggy? Our wedding was for us. Simple. We invited our loved ones to join us. Some couldn't. No worries. It didn't affect our happiness

Estellanpip · 17/02/2018 23:37

Tick the 'sorry we can't make it' box on the rsvp. I'm sure the couple won't give a fig(gy pudding) if you aren't even close!

0hT00dles · 17/02/2018 23:42

That’s my actual anniversary and we did it so people didn’t have to take time off work! If people couldn’t go so be it but, people were actually glad to have something to do over the holiday period judging by our rsvp’s and the fact that we had a full house! You don’t need to say yes!

We planned it that way due to dates of being in our home country and family being around and friends and family being off work.

Now my extended family use it to have a family reunion every year😂 not great for us as no baby sitters for our actual anniversary 😂😂

Peachyking000 · 17/02/2018 23:50

I simply wouldn’t go. The week between Christmas and New Year is my busiest time at work and basically impossible to get days off for. I have turned down a few invitations for this reason. I don’t really get annoyed about it, it would only be an issue if the bride and groom to be were putting pressure on people to attend

willstarttomorrow · 18/02/2018 00:04

Most weddings on Mumsnet seem to be totally inconsiderate. The only people who care about weddings are the bride and groom and possibly close family. Most are a total yawnfest and identical to the last wedding you attended. Unless it is people you love and they just want a good day with family and friends to celebrate decline the invitation.