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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by wedding date?

147 replies

Jeangenie87 · 17/02/2018 19:13

Friend (not particularly close friend) has booked her wedding for 28th December this year. AIBU in being annoyed at people who book weddings over Christmas and new year? It means we can’t go up north for the holidays to visit my family like we usually would, so ruins the whole holidays for us. It seems quite selfish to me to expect everyone else (and it’s going to be a big wedding so lots of people are invited) to want to celebrate their day bang in the middle of the Christmas period when most people would have plans?

OP posts:
Lonesurvivor · 17/02/2018 19:39

I hear you, why people think it's ok to take over other people's Christmas with their wedding is beyond me.

If you're close to someone it's never as simple as declining. I've declined a couple but there were a few where we were close to the couple and genuinely wanted to celebrate them getting married so we had to compromise, doesn't mean we had to suddenly become Christmas wedding fans though!

Like everybody else we put on happy faces when the date was revealed and we kept them up. But most other guests I knew at these weddings found the timing impacted their Christmas and weren't as delighted as the two getting married believed.

Lweji · 17/02/2018 19:40

You seem more selfish to want people to book their wedding per your convenience.
They should book when they please and be happy for the people who accept the invitation.

If it's not good for you, then don't go.

Clandestino · 17/02/2018 19:41

Are they getting married for you or because they want to marry? Selfish, yes - your post.

Bluelady · 17/02/2018 19:42

We went to a wedding on Boxing Day, it was lovely. You're being very unreasonable, don't go if it pains you.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/02/2018 19:44

It’s not a shitty thing to do at all. She has chosen the date that she (and her DP) want her wedding. If you don’t want to change your usual plans then do. Just decline the invite

BewareOfDragons · 17/02/2018 19:45

FFS, then don't go.

It will be convenient for lots of people who will likely have that week off. If you don't want to go, then don't go!

You are being ridiculous.

Loonoon · 17/02/2018 19:46

It sounds very sensible. People will be off work so won't have to waste annual leave.

If a long break with your family up north is more important to you, then just decline.
We also picked an unconventional date and potentially inconvenient date for our wedding. Our reasoning was that it saved us a lot of money and only people who really liked us and really wanted to be there would accept. Sure enough, several distant relatives and some colleagues declined and that was fine by us.

SparkleFizz · 17/02/2018 19:47

I would guess that they’ve chosen the date because it’ll suit most of their family. Especially if the venue is local to where the bride and / or groom is from. So not necessarily selfish if it makes it easier for family to attend.

But, if I’d booked my wedding that close to Christmas, I would be expecting a proportion of not-particularly-close-friends to be declining because of wanting to travel to see family elsewhere.

spiney · 17/02/2018 19:48

Don't go.
Good way to cull hangers on who can't really be bothered.

Just like you.

Chewbecca · 17/02/2018 19:49

I'd love to go to a wedding then. It is a 'lull' period.

Why on earth can't you visit relatives up north for Christmas Day, boxing Day, and even the say after? You'll still get back for it.

Anyone who gives a hoot about the bride and groom will be delighted for them I am sure. If you don't, don't go & save them a few ££.

WeAllHaveWings · 17/02/2018 19:50

So should she pick her wedding date to suit a not close friend?

It will be perfect for some people and not for others. You don't need to go.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/02/2018 19:51

Their wedding, their choice.
Your invitation, your choice.

Really not complicated.

You have no idea why they chose that date, it might be an important anniversary, it might be the only date a relative living overseas can make it, it might be incredibly cheap...whatever, it’s what they want & they’re the ones getting married. You’re not even a close friend, so it’s really not going to be important whether you go or not. Harsh, but true.

SundaysFunday · 17/02/2018 19:52

I agree with you OP, they aren't considering there guests at all.

I would be visiting family as normal and not attend the wedding.

woodypiggy · 17/02/2018 19:52

You're getting a hard time but I completely agree with you OP. It's a stupid time for a wedding not to mention an expensive one.

And just because these weddings are well attended doesn't mean they haven't inconvenienced people. I think people can be very self absorbed when it comes to planning weddings - it's their day blah blah blah - but if it's supposed to be a celebration with friends and family they should be a big consideration when making plans.

picklemepopcorn · 17/02/2018 19:53

I got married at that time of year. As a teacher, there were real limits on when we could marry. It meant that no one needed to take time off, as they were off for Christmas anyway.

SundaysFunday · 17/02/2018 19:55

As a PP mentioned Christmas is also an expensive time of year, who's got spare money for wedding presents and outfits...people can be so self absorbed when it comes to their weddings

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 17/02/2018 19:55

I, for one, am going to run a poll on Facebook when it comes to planning my wedding. I'd like to know the exact date that is convenient for everyone else apart from me and my STBH and make sure I book it for then. I may even poll what food to have and where I should have my evening Do, just to avoid upsetting the guest list.

branstonbaby · 17/02/2018 19:56

We got married that week. It was fabulous. Some friends couldn't make it due to family commitments, we understood. No big deal.

The wedding is about the couple, not the guests.

YABU

Bluelonerose · 17/02/2018 19:58

I got married between Xmas and new year.
Personally I wanted that time of year coz of how I wanted my wedding photos to look.
Plus it's a VERY quiet time so it brings the cost right down.
We also found it was a nice way to injest something into the lull between Xmas and new year.
Fwiw I think we had 3 no shows out of 120 and everyone loved having something to do in the lull between Xmas and new year.
Each to their own though if you don't want to go decline.

MargaretCavendish · 17/02/2018 20:00

I'd be quite pleased if I got a wedding invite for 28 December - in that boring bit between Christmas and New Year when it always drags a bit, both off anyway so no faffing around travelling late on a Friday evening, and I think a wintery wedding is lovely. Maybe the couple know lots of people like me? You're never going to please everyone, after all. For us weekday weddings are an absolute impossibility unless they're in the school holidays - and while I do feel a bit 'oh FFS' when I get a weekday invite, I accept that for various reasons - usually cost - they work really well for some people. Just decline if it's not a close friend, or suck it up if being there for them matters to you - you can't expect their wedding to be arranged around your personal inconvenience.

woodypiggy · 17/02/2018 20:02

The wedding is about the couple, not the guests.

It's that attitude that causes so many problems.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/02/2018 20:03

Last two years we have been to weddings on that day. Family members home from abroad for Christmas so worked perfectly. Bit cold but big log fires and giant Christmas trees made venue beautiful. Missed no day from work so perfect time for a winter wedding.

Purplehammer · 17/02/2018 20:05

What has a wedding on the 28th of Dec got to do with Christmas.
Be adventurous take this opportunity to do something different.
Get out of that rut,come November you’ll be thinking “why do we do the same thing every bloody year”.
In years to come you could be talking about “that time we went to a christmas wedding we were so daring then.”
That will have grandchildren spellbound.

JacquesHammer · 17/02/2018 20:09

A not very close friend hasn't consulted you for the date of her wedding OP? How dare she.

YABVU - it isn't a summons, if you don't want to go you can simply decline. It isn't a big deal or a slight

Loonoon · 17/02/2018 20:09

There is no way to set a date and place for a big wedding that will suit every single potential guest. I'm assuming this couple have picked this date because it suits them, their closest family members and maybe a best mate or two, not to thoughtlessly inconvenience someone who describes herself as a 'not particularly close' friend.

Seriously OP - just say NO. (DH is currently watching Grange Hill on YouTube)

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