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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by wedding date?

147 replies

Jeangenie87 · 17/02/2018 19:13

Friend (not particularly close friend) has booked her wedding for 28th December this year. AIBU in being annoyed at people who book weddings over Christmas and new year? It means we can’t go up north for the holidays to visit my family like we usually would, so ruins the whole holidays for us. It seems quite selfish to me to expect everyone else (and it’s going to be a big wedding so lots of people are invited) to want to celebrate their day bang in the middle of the Christmas period when most people would have plans?

OP posts:
Winteriscoming18 · 17/02/2018 20:09

It’s an expensive time of the year no one wants to be forking our for a wedding present, outfit, hotel and travel plus drinks so soon after Christmas normally everyone’s waiting to the end of January for pay day as most people get paid early in time for Christmas

WitchesHatRim · 17/02/2018 20:10

I think people can be very self absorbed when it comes to planning weddings

Well so can guests when it comes to weddings it appears

BackforGood · 17/02/2018 20:11

You are being very self absorbed.
How very dare the bride and groom choose a date that suits them and their close family without first checking with a "not very close" friend Hmm

The very reason it doesn't suit you, is almost certainly the reason that it suits them - a lot of people will be off work at that time, and able to then come to the wedding. Stunned you can't see that.

BishBoshBashBop · 17/02/2018 20:11

most people get paid early in time for Christmas

I don't know anyone that gets paid early for Christmas.

MissWimpyDimple · 17/02/2018 20:12

I get paid early for Christmas!

hibbledobble · 17/02/2018 20:13

Yabu

It seems a pretty sensible time to have a wedding: most people will have time off work.

It is much better than having a weekday wedding in the middle of nowhere and not inviting kids. Again people's choice if they wish to do so, but a choice that means a lot of guests can't attend.

ArchieStar · 17/02/2018 20:14

I get paid early at Christmas.

And OP, YABU. It's their wedding. It's an invite. There's no law stating you have to go. No big deal.

Ickyockycocky · 17/02/2018 20:14

YABU. It's not your wedding, they can choose whichever day they want.

Riverside2 · 17/02/2018 20:16

I'm puzzled by posters saying it's a good way to see to it that superfluous guests, distant rellies, colleagues don't attend
Why invite people to a wedding if you'll be relieved if they don't show up?
Is this where general "keeping up appearances" gets us?

FrancesHaHa · 17/02/2018 20:17

We went to a wedding on that date last year. It was great fun and really nice to have something different to look forward to between Christmas and new year.

Although we have previously been invited to a child free wedding at that time of year which was just not doable childcare wise. No problem, we just declined!

ilovesooty · 17/02/2018 20:17

I get paid early for Christmas too.

specialsubject · 17/02/2018 20:18

If money is so tight that tatmas is an issue you can't afford to go. Problem solved. Although spending less on tat so december is just another month is the best approach.

LokiBear · 17/02/2018 20:18

I got married at Christmas. The 27th. I wouldn't have been offended if people hadn't come. I think yabu. The bride and groom aren't going to map out a lust of everyone's holiday dates a d work around them all. Most people who came to our wedding wore the outfit they bought to wear to their works Christmas do. Any when you give people 10 months notice they have plenty of time to plan for any extra expense. The wedding would cost a guest the same amount no matter what time of year. Most people will save and budget to attend a wedding, the time of year doesn't really make a difference.

HolyShet · 17/02/2018 20:19

I think it's lovely tbh

if you want to go, book a few days hols before Xmas and come back on 27th.

Frazzled2207 · 17/02/2018 20:21

i had a friend who got married around then and I was youngish and single so I went along and it was fine. If that wedding happened now though and again was 200 miles away there's no way that would be practical as I have kids and that time of year is manic trying to fit in visiting various grandparents into a short school holiday.

Just don't go.

HolyShet · 17/02/2018 20:21

at least 50% (at least on this very weird microcosm of the population) of people have the tree down by the 27th anyway (not me) and are tired of christmas by then. So YABU in every way.
Also plenty of time to save up (10 months)
Or you know just don't go.
Nothing like a wedding invitation to help you work out if you like a person enough to suffer the mild inconvenience of attending - or not.

meandmytinfoilhat · 17/02/2018 20:23

You can say no and visit your family as usual.

She's probably booked it at that time because it will be cheaper than a summer wedding.

BrimFire · 17/02/2018 20:24

There was a recent thread on the Weddings forum on here about this.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/wedding/3157781-Awkward-dates

This might shed light on why people pick awkward dates and what other people think of them.

Pleasebeafleabite · 17/02/2018 20:31

I like it. Something to look forward to in that “dead time” between Christmas and new year

I also get paid early for Christmas. It’s not at all unusual

SequinsOnEverything · 17/02/2018 20:36

Is your friend on mumsnet? There was someone recently asking hiw people felt about weddings around then. The general opinion was to go ahead with it, we'd all love to go to a wedding at christmas, extends the celebrations and you're still off work anyway.

If it annoys you then don't go.

gillybeanz · 17/02/2018 20:39

I wouldn't be going to a not particularly close friends wedding tbh.
Christmas with family would be more important to me.
They don't expect you to go, they just invited you.
Just say no thanks, made other plans.

sonyaya · 17/02/2018 20:42

Every wedding is inconvenient for someone. The date, the location, no kids... none of this is selfish. No one is entitled to receive an invitation which enables them to attend.

I think it becomes selfish when brides and grooms don’t properly host their guests who show up, and provide little food etc. Planning decisions made as to what kind of wedding though, that has to be up to the bride and groom.

I echo those saying just don’t go.

SaskaTchewan · 17/02/2018 20:42

Random Saturday in September always a better option.

terrible timing. Kids are just back at school, just starting at their new sport clubs, you just set them up in a new routine, work is getting really busy after the summer, a wedding is really inconvenient. Either you make the effort, or you decline, no reason to moan about the couple.

What's wrong with Valentine or Mothers'Day? I don't know anyone who does anything else than a family lunch or diner. Most people don't even know the date of Mother's Day until a few weeks before anyway.

MargaretCavendish · 17/02/2018 20:48

If your friend has told you already now, that's also a tonne of notice, so I suspect they have thought about the fact that for some people it won't be convenient - so, again, it seems very harsh to call that selfish!

AlexaAmbidextra · 17/02/2018 20:49

Well you say she isn't a particularly close friend so give the wedding a miss and crack on with your normal Christmas arrangements.