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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be disappointed in engagement ring

157 replies

noseynumpty · 16/02/2018 13:24

Me and DP have talked about marriage lately, it's definitely our next step as we live together, have DC etc.

I was expecting a proposal at Christmas then valentines then my birthday but nothing.

But yesterday in the post he got a package from China that said the contents were a ring. I'm assuming it's an engagement ring as I buy all the presents for both our families (he's really bad with money so I manage finances), DC and he doesn't wear jewellery.

AIBU to feel disappointed? I've dreamt of this proposal and ring for the last few months and I am now worried he's just ordered the cheapest ring possible that will turn my finger green.

I know I should be grateful but we already discussed we would have a small family only wedding to cut costs because the marriage is what we want at the end of the day.

I just thought he would put a bit of effort into picking out a ring at a jewellers and saving up a bit of money to buy it as I don't have anything of value in the way of material possessions. I'm trying to pay off both our debts.

Just need someone to talk me down and tell me to stop being a selfish cow, I want a proposal (I'm old fashioned) and a marriage. But I also wanted a nice shiny ring and he should be able to afford something half decent.

OP posts:
Thingsthatgo · 16/02/2018 13:26

Maybe he’s bought something really cheap to propose with, so you can choose a ring together.

Ragwort · 16/02/2018 13:27

You are trying to pay off debts and you are worried about not having a 'nice enough' engagement ring? Hmm.

I think you both need to get your priorities right.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 16/02/2018 13:27

If he has ordered it from China i would imagine it will be a dummy ring to propose with and then go shopping together for your actual ring

oldschoolcool · 16/02/2018 13:28

Does it say it is an engagement ring? Could it be jewellery for Valentines Day that came late?

If it is a cheap engagement ring that turns your finger green and the stones drop out, at least he'll learn a lesson. Buy cheap, buy twice.

MsGameandWatching · 16/02/2018 13:28

I don't really get the bigging up and dreaming of proposal and ring etc and am fairly meh about marriage having done it twice. BUT if I was going to do it I would want a decent, thoughtful ring and I would be horribly disappointed yes.

PinkHeart5914 · 16/02/2018 13:28

If your paying off debts it would be rather stupid to overspend on an engagement ring tbh. Also the ring counts for absolutely nothing, it’s the life together that means everything

SchoolMoney · 16/02/2018 13:29

Debt is the priority. If you want a fancy ring then you can get one for your 10th anniversary and can afford it. Not what you probably want to hear but still.

Itsbecauseimaleo · 16/02/2018 13:30

I understand where you're coming from. You're not asking for a ridiculously expensive ring, just one that shows he's put a bit thought into it. However that being said, someone who's bad with money would be a red flag for me never mind the lack of consideration. Is the paying off of the debts solely on your shoulders?

Caroelle · 16/02/2018 13:30

You both have debts, which suggests that you don’t have money for something more expensive. He has looked at rings and picked one out, he’s just done it online and recognised that yiu haven’t got lots of money to spare. Maybe he wanted to surprise yiu on Wednesday but the ring was late. It may not be an engagement ring anyway. And why does he have to propose any way?

jaseyraex · 16/02/2018 13:30

small family only wedding to cut costs because the marriage is what we want at the end of the day.

And yet here you are moaning about a ring you don't even have yet because you want a "nice shiny" one Hmm

noeffingidea · 16/02/2018 13:32

Why don't you just wait and see what it is first before you decide you don't like it? It might not even be an engagement ring.

Thistlebelle · 16/02/2018 13:32

Paying off debts comes before fancy engagement ring.

There an old Scottish saying “fur coat and nae knickers”, it’s not something you want to aim for...

Annabelle4 · 16/02/2018 13:32

I'd be disappointed too OP.

Wait and see - maybe it's not the actual engagement ring, and he wants you to choose that?

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2018 13:32

You haven't even seen it and he's not even proposed yet and you're on mumsnet complaining it's not good enough?

And you're paying off both your debts but feel he should be able to afford a decent engagement ring,,with what?

overnightangel · 16/02/2018 13:32

You’ve not even seen it yet!

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 16/02/2018 13:33

I see where you're coming from OP - you could spend a small amount and still get something very pretty and vintage with a lot of thought. You're going to have to wear it every day, so you need to like it.

I'm also in the "temporary for a proposal" camp (my friend got a haribo ring - and she swallowed it before he got the words out!!), so let's hope that's it.

MerryShitmas · 16/02/2018 13:35

My ring was from China. I was newly qualified in my job and on a low casual wage, Dh on minimum wage.
I still love it, still wear it and see no problem in doing so. My finger hasn't dropped off nor turned green. Iirc it was £6.99
It may also be as PP state that it's a dummy ring so you can pick one together.
IMO he'd be really irresponsible to pay more than £50 for a ring if you're both in debt.

AHungryMum · 16/02/2018 13:36

Don't judge it until you've seen it. :) Maybe he's got a great ring at a bargain price? My husband got my ring from Hatton Gardens. The jeweller in question didn't have a lovely shop, they had a very plain office on the third floor with a very unassuming entrance. I only saw the premises at all because we had to go back to get it re-sized. My husband was far more interested in getting me an awesome ring than the idea of taking me to a glam jewellers where they'd give us champagne while we chose together. He probably paid no more than 60% of the price he'd have paid for the equivalent ring from a High Street jeweller....so the unglamorous shop was a small price to pay for getting a much greater quality of ring than I'd have otherwise got! Maybe your partner is doing the same...?

Or, maybe it's not a ring, maybe its earrings. Maybe if it were an actual proposal, he wouldn't risk giving the game away by risking you seeing the parcel containing the ring before he popped the question? He maybe isn't ready yet, or has a proposal planned in a different way at a diffferent time and he's got you something else to throw you off the scent.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 16/02/2018 13:36

Give him a chance! It's a bit early to be disappointed when you have no idea of his plans. As others have said, maybe it's a temporary ring while you shop for a better one.

Or maybe he actually believed you when you said you wanted a small wedding to cut costs and that the marriage was all you wanted. Your reaction to the mere thought of not getting a nice enough ring suggests otherwise.

flowery · 16/02/2018 13:36

If you live together, have DC and have discussed marriage including the kind of wedding you plan to have, what would the proposal be for exactly? Confused

MerryShitmas · 16/02/2018 13:37

At least try it on and see it before you discount it, too.
It's really grabby imo to decide you don't like a ring just because of the cost. If you didn't like it fair enough. But I agree with bluntness
The whole idea that someone should spend hundreds or thousands on a ring is daft anyway.

Original poster
noseynumpty · 16/02/2018 13:38

I know I'm being ridiculous but I'm just gutted. I don't want an expensive ring by any stretch of the imagination but just one that is worth £50+ and he definitely has that spare each week.
He has form for buying cheap tatt. He spent about £10 on my birthday and I had to buy us dinner. But he knows that's I'm old fashioned and would want the whole asking my dads permission, buying a ring himself and a romantic proposal. I don't care if that makes me a sap but that's who I am and he respects that and loves me for it.
I'm handing debt payments because I want to and we are on top of them so it's not a massive issue. I just mentioned it because he would only buying for me, no one else.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/02/2018 13:40

I think I'd be more concerned that you're paying off his debts whilst under the impression he can afford a decent engagement ring, that doesn't sound right at all.

BossWitch · 16/02/2018 13:40

I thibk you may be jumping the gun, as you've not yet actually had the proposal, but at the same time think it's completely fair to not want your engagement ring to be ordered from China! Wait and see what happens. If it is what you think it is, you'll have to have the honest and awkward conversation about the ring - including if it can be returned or not. If your dp has been trying to save money because of the debt that's fair enough, just talk about better ways of doing it - second hand rings, places like the jewellery quarter in birmingham are meant to be much cheaper. Also, though I'd understand if you wanted to steer clear of the internet now, online jewellers based in the UK like 77 diamonds are great (a bit biased, as that's where my ring came from!).

Good luck OP!

Annabelle4 · 16/02/2018 13:43

You're obviously not old fashioned though OP if you already live together and have kids Confused

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