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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be disappointed in engagement ring

157 replies

noseynumpty · 16/02/2018 13:24

Me and DP have talked about marriage lately, it's definitely our next step as we live together, have DC etc.

I was expecting a proposal at Christmas then valentines then my birthday but nothing.

But yesterday in the post he got a package from China that said the contents were a ring. I'm assuming it's an engagement ring as I buy all the presents for both our families (he's really bad with money so I manage finances), DC and he doesn't wear jewellery.

AIBU to feel disappointed? I've dreamt of this proposal and ring for the last few months and I am now worried he's just ordered the cheapest ring possible that will turn my finger green.

I know I should be grateful but we already discussed we would have a small family only wedding to cut costs because the marriage is what we want at the end of the day.

I just thought he would put a bit of effort into picking out a ring at a jewellers and saving up a bit of money to buy it as I don't have anything of value in the way of material possessions. I'm trying to pay off both our debts.

Just need someone to talk me down and tell me to stop being a selfish cow, I want a proposal (I'm old fashioned) and a marriage. But I also wanted a nice shiny ring and he should be able to afford something half decent.

OP posts:
TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 16/02/2018 14:16

@fearfultrill

Not sure if that was directed to me, but in my post I said;

“... your vision for your romantic, traditional proposal which I completely understand you wanting”

I don’t think the op is wrong to want all the bells and whistles for her proposal at all, I just don’t think it sounds like her DP is likely to comply with her wishes, sadly. Obviously that’s just based on what the op has said. Who really knows?

ButchyRestingFace · 16/02/2018 14:16

The OP has every right to want romantic traditions, it's a free country.

She can want them, but her boyf doesn’t appear to have got the memo.

That said, I don’t think £50 is an unreasonable amount for a ring.

MarSeeAh · 16/02/2018 14:18

You're not old-fashioned. You live together and have children together.

You're passive, that's what you are, and unrealistic.

If you both want to get married, then go ahead and get married.

DeputyBrennan · 16/02/2018 14:19

Was there even any indication on the package that it’s a very cheap ring? I guess there’s a chance he thought he could get something really decent at a better price than he could in the U.K., and didn’t see any issue with the place of origin or buying something he hadn’t picked out in person. Assuming it’s intended to be the ‘real’ ring and not a placeholder. And assuming it’s an engagement ring at all.

Cliveybaby · 16/02/2018 14:19

tbh I can't imagine wearing a ring someone else chose!
I chose mine and told DP what I wanted (sent him link to ebay item!), 4 months later it appeared.
But then I'm extremely picky, I don't think anyone else could pick me something I'd like (maybe my sister)...
Mine was second hand though, so about a quarter of the price it would have been new!

apacketofcrisps · 16/02/2018 14:19

What you have and what you want sound very different. You want a fancy traditional proposal, he evidently isn’t as arsed at all. You already have kids and pay his debt for him, why would he bother?

pieceofpurplesky · 16/02/2018 14:20

I want to see the ring now!

noeffingidea · 16/02/2018 14:22

fearfultrill of course it is, but that doesn't mean she's entitled to get whatever she wants. Her partner has already demonstrated that he doesn't see the need to spend a lot of money on romantic gestures.
OP I think you just have to wait and see, and if you're not happy with the ring (assuming that is what it is) then say so, like an adult. Tell him that an engagement ring is very important to you and you want to choose one together (within budget of course) that you will be happy to wear for the rest of your life.

ButchyRestingFace · 16/02/2018 14:22

I’m googling Argos engagement rings as we speak. **

BarbarianMum · 16/02/2018 14:24

He may respect and love you but he clearly doesn't share your values when it comes to finance, or gift giving, or your desire for a Mills and Boon type proposal . OP I know you've got kuds and stuff but are you sure he's "the one"?

dingdongdigeridoo · 16/02/2018 14:25

To be fair, most jewellery sold on the high street will be made in China, India, or anywhere else with cheap labour. I've bought jewellery from places such as Aliexpress that has been good quality and hasn't turned me green just yet!

shinysinkredemption · 16/02/2018 14:26

I hope it's a lovely ring that he's been clever enough to get on a budget.
If not, just tell him straight - no drama - that it's not what you had in mind. Today, get down the shops or go online and pick a ring you do like, that you know you can both afford, and tell him it's all sorted.

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 16/02/2018 14:26

Chanelprincess - I think you need to change your name to TiffanySolestePrincess 😂

FancyNewBeesly · 16/02/2018 14:27

Who says he didn’t put a lot of thought into it? And where do you think most rings in high street jewellers are made? He might have just been very canny!

velourvoyageur · 16/02/2018 14:28

Well but OP you haven't bought any rings, have you, so doesn't he have grounds to make the same complaint?

Don't you think it's unfair that men are routinely asked to take a financial hit in an age when it's likely their female partners could afford the same thing? (or in this case, when neither of you can afford it)

Respectfully, I don't think people should have all these uneven ideas about how men and women should show their commitment and then justify it by saying 'it's who I am' and expect people to go 'oh that's alright then, can't help your nature'. It's possible to become less old fashioned, it's not set in stone...has it occurred to you that you could just let go of this one thing, and just get on with the situation? (I don't mean to sound patronising, I know that I get 'stuck' on ideas without stopping to consider the fact that the reality of letting go would be fine really.)

RidingWindhorses · 16/02/2018 14:30

Forget the ring, why are you marrying someone who is crap with money? Why are you paying off both your debts? Is he a child? Why are you the responsible adult?

Would you go into business with this man?

RidingWindhorses · 16/02/2018 14:33

I don't know what assets you have but you might be better off unmarried but sorting out a legal contract wrt yourself and the dc.

snash12 · 16/02/2018 14:33

YANBU to feel disappointed.

I hope for you that maybe it is a dummy ring so you can pick your own.

Some people are being very nasty about debt! We have no idea, how much etc and you're all talking like they are being ridiculous wanting to get married and have a nice engagement ring.

People seem to forget that loads of people are in massive debt with a mortgage. You don't own your house, the bank does. Get off your high horses.

ButchyRestingFace · 16/02/2018 14:37

People seem to forget that loads of people are in massive debt with a mortgage. You don't own your house, the bank does. Get off your high horses.

I own my property.

Not that I can see the relevance to the OP’s question. Confused

Chanelprincess · 16/02/2018 14:37

itsmeimcathyivecomehome

Probably Smile. Whenever I see a lovely lady wearing one, I always compliment her because it makes me smile and I hope she's as happy as I've been with my DH.

franktheskank · 16/02/2018 14:41

Personally I don't see the difference in a 5.99 ring and 50 pound one. Both too cheap to be nice.

He must think that you don't care how much the ring costs or what it looks like if he's not spending much on it. Have you talked about what kind of ring you'd like?

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 16/02/2018 14:42

TBH I'd wait & see what the package was before I started jumping to conclusions & feeling disappointed-might be a complete waste of energy...

snash12 · 16/02/2018 14:42

I own my property.

You might but masses and masses do not.

ButchyRestingFace · 16/02/2018 14:44

You might but masses and masses do not

Still not seeing the relevance to the OP...

sadie9 · 16/02/2018 14:45

It may not be a ring 'ring'. It might be a spare part for the lawnmower (sorry). Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he may not have even considered a ring. Some men would just never think of it. And if they do, they quickly put that thought out of their heads. Mind you, that's coming from someone who had to drag her BF into a jewellery shop and then chose a very modest ring. And I had to put it on my own credit card as we had no other way to pay at the time!

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