To be disappointed in engagement ring

[noseynumpty]

Me and DP have talked about marriage lately, it's definitely our next step as we live together, have DC etc.

I was expecting a proposal at Christmas then valentines then my birthday but nothing.

But yesterday in the post he got a package from China that said the contents were a ring. I'm assuming it's an engagement ring as I buy all the presents for both our families (he's really bad with money so I manage finances), DC and he doesn't wear jewellery.

AIBU to feel disappointed? I've dreamt of this proposal and ring for the last few months and I am now worried he's just ordered the cheapest ring possible that will turn my finger green.

I know I should be grateful but we already discussed we would have a small family only wedding to cut costs because the marriage is what we want at the end of the day.

I just thought he would put a bit of effort into picking out a ring at a jewellers and saving up a bit of money to buy it as I don't have anything of value in the way of material possessions. I'm trying to pay off both our debts.

Just need someone to talk me down and tell me to stop being a selfish cow, I want a proposal (I'm old fashioned) and a marriage. But I also wanted a nice shiny ring and he should be able to afford something half decent.

I don't think yabu to want a nice ring, or a romantic proposal, or a bit of old fashioned tradition. I do think yabu for wanting to marry this guy though! From what youve said he's irresponsible, selfish, makes you do everything, and never makes any effort. I mean, is this really the man you want to spend your life with? Why?!

snash12-the thread is about a ring that the OP assumes is cheap. She mentions debt. Obviously people will comment on it. Saying ‘get off your high horses’ is trite and lazy.

Why on earth is there any need to order a ring from China?? There are so many lovely rings in the shops - how hard can it be?

OP, all I can say to you is this - if he is seriously going to propose to you with a £10 ring (which is not expected to be a dummy), then just say "no". Nobody in their right mind would think this was normal under any circumstances. An engagement ring is for life. A proposal is a once in a lifetime event (hopefully), so he can make an effort.

My DH did ask my DF's "permission", but I'm not sure he would have done if we were already living together with DC. I think you may need to accept that horse has bolted. However, you are perfectly entitled to a beautiful ring and memorable proposal and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Good luck!!

I would have been overjoyed to receive so much as a curtain ring from the man I loved. Unfortunately, although he asked me to marry him he got cold feet before we'd even bought a ring. That was 40 years ago and although I've been married twice I've never really, really loved anyone else. If you love him OP just hold tight and thank your blessings - a ring is nothing in the great scheme of things.

Op I never had an engagement ring, as we had to pay for our wedding and considered the marriage a priority over the "engagement".
I bought a second hand victorian dress ring from a jewellers selling second hand jewellry and wore that, it was very pretty and it did the job.
This year it was our ruby wedding and DH bought me a lovely saphire and diamond ring, which was lovely.
Surely in your situation a fancy ring should'nt be a priority.

Yanbu. Who wouldn't want a nice ring? If you were asking for a huge rock similar to the Kardashians I'd say ywbu. But you can get some beautiful rings much cheaper than that and imo an engagement ring isn't something you 'trade up' as you get richer. It's supposed to be sentimental. My grandma gifted me a diamond ring when I was younger and my dh had the central stone made into a solitaire engagement ring. It cost £130. Your dh didn't need to spend a fortune, he just needed to put a little more thought into it.

Hazelbite why didn't he buy you a ruby and diamond ring?
Lokibear if my husband butchered a family heirloom to save spending out on a ring, he'd be looking for a new wife

Think of your future together and pay off all debt before saving up to buy a ring. If he spent a lot of money and got you a gorgeous ring and put you both in huge debt you would eventually hate the ring and may even have to sell it again.

Maybe Hazelbite prefers sapphires.

I haven’t read past the first page but you’re not being ridiculous at all. Nobody wants a cheap ring from China.

What will be awkward is if he gives you a cheap ring from China that you’re supposed to love and wear the rest of your life, you can’t just say, hey, this is tacky, I want a nice ring.

The ring might get accidentally bent or tiny stones fall out on their own so you can say, look at this...let’s go pick out a ring together. Then pick out what you want. You deserve a nice ring. I don’t blame you one bit. I’m more concerned about long term though, you say he bought you awful cheap stuff for Valentine’s and you had to pay for dinner. I don’t think that would work for the next 40-50 years but it’s your call. If you are set on marrying him, I would have a talk with him and be honest. For instance, a ring that is meant to be worn every day for decades and decades and symbolizes what it does, should at least be decent quality so that it will last, that is simply being practical

Erm, I don't think I said my dh butchered a family heirloom?! My gm likes bling. The ring she gave me was a 1ct oval diamond surrounded by 35 smaller 'chip' diamonds in a square shape. It was huge and very Joan Collins. My dh designed a simple solitaire and and asked my grandma for her blessing, which she gave. I absolutely love it, it is my favourite piece of jewellery and all the more special because it came from my grandma. The point I was trying to make is that the ops partner didn't have to do something expensive to be thoughtful.

I don’t think you’re being daft or selfish. I’d be very upset with a tatty eBay ring.

£100 is a good low price, from Argos or the like and proper gold.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who was tight and didn't put a decent amount of effort into gifts and special things like engagement rings.

OP if you really want to get married and money is tight don't go blowing it on a ring, I don't even where mine now. A marriage won't change anything now though you have DCs you know that? I think your being a little unrealistic in what is affordable. A marriage is not made up of expensive rings and big white dresses that just happens on the day.

Op and @itsmeimcathyivecomehome you both sound pretty horrendous

I work in the jewellery industry and many many well known companies manufacture in China. These companies sell engagement rings, platinum, gold etc so you are being very unreasonable to assume it’s rubbish if it’s from China. Diamonds are certified to show their authenticity and metal hallmarked so the chances are if you had gone shopping in the high street you would have bought a ring from China and just not known. If you have any specific queries message me and I’ll be able to help.

If you’re both in debt then a piece of jewellery is the least of your concerns

@noseynumpty have you found out what's in there yet? 🤞

He's bad with money.
You organise all of the gifts for both sets of family.
He has form for buying cheap tatt.
Only spent £10 on your birthday present and made you pay for dinner.
You're paying his debts.
He is happy to have twice as much spare cash as you.

Why do you want to marry him?

What was in the package???

All these debt comments- she's talking about £50! It's not like she's wanting to spend thousands.

Have you seen what's in it yet?

Don't know what all the fuss about cheap rings is about to be honest. We have a very good income as a family yet I chose my own engagement ring, cost £240.
Not the cheapest but certainly not expensive. I don't need or want a real diamond, but I certainly didn't want a green finger!

OP I hope first it is an engagement ring, and if it is, hopefully it's only you love. If not you'll have to be honest.

Maybe it's a cock ring and in you are in for a wild night.

Otherwise, get a grip, you say you hold the purse strings, he's just living within his your means!

WHAT'S IN THE PACKAGE????!!??!

My dp made me pay for my own as he couldn't pick it.
Well we became short and I had to sell it. I didn't like it that much anyway, it just seemed like the right thing to do with dd on the way. But then when things picked up he took me to a pawn shop and bought me a really beautiful one that he paid for and he picked.
My mom has recently bought jewellery from China on ebay and they're beautiful peices and real stones etc.
Just because if where its from doesn't mean its plastic. It may not be an engagement ring anyway