To be disappointed in engagement ring

[noseynumpty]

Me and DP have talked about marriage lately, it's definitely our next step as we live together, have DC etc.

I was expecting a proposal at Christmas then valentines then my birthday but nothing.

But yesterday in the post he got a package from China that said the contents were a ring. I'm assuming it's an engagement ring as I buy all the presents for both our families (he's really bad with money so I manage finances), DC and he doesn't wear jewellery.

AIBU to feel disappointed? I've dreamt of this proposal and ring for the last few months and I am now worried he's just ordered the cheapest ring possible that will turn my finger green.

I know I should be grateful but we already discussed we would have a small family only wedding to cut costs because the marriage is what we want at the end of the day.

I just thought he would put a bit of effort into picking out a ring at a jewellers and saving up a bit of money to buy it as I don't have anything of value in the way of material possessions. I'm trying to pay off both our debts.

Just need someone to talk me down and tell me to stop being a selfish cow, I want a proposal (I'm old fashioned) and a marriage. But I also wanted a nice shiny ring and he should be able to afford something half decent.

...if he has £50 a week spare (so... £200 a month?) why are you the one paying all the debts?

We did Hatton garden and Tiffany. Tiffany - beautiful shop, free champagne, guarantee the diamond is worth what they say or a refund, famous name. Hatton garden - shonky old office with tens of thousands of pounds worth of diamonds spread out on a yellow post-it note!

We got a diamond that was over 3 x the size for the same price as the Tiffany one, and the valuation came back more than double what DP paid. It's all about what you want IMO; you can't fault the Tiffany or equivalent brand or experience, but you get more bang for your blow elsewhere (poor DP gets neither bangs nor blows at the moment as i'm heavily pregnant and feeling sick all the time, but that's a whole different story!!!)

Also, I think you are getting a hard time about the debt. Manageable debt is fine- it certainly doesn't mean you aren't entitled to a decent engagement ring! Everyone I know has credit cards, loans etc are that they are paying off, the debt is controlled, it is fine. I bet the somewhat puritanical posters on here saying the OP has debt therefore should have super cheap everything, including a one off piece of jewellery like an engagement ring, have mortgages? And therefore have a pretty sizeable chuck of debt themselves?

Why do you want to pay off his debts

But he knows that's I'm old fashioned and would want the whole asking my dads permission, buying a ring himself and a romantic proposal

But you already live together and have children so you're not that old fashioned.

You do sound a bit silly.

I want a proposal (I'm old fashioned) and a marriage.

You're not that old fashioned if you already live together and have children!

I was with DP 10 years and had 3 dc together before we got married. I didn't get a ring or have an 'engagement' as such. We just booked a date at the registry office for 3 months later and got married. We chose cheap but lovely wedding rings together and took our family out for a meal after. I was pregnant with our 4th dc so figured the traditional ship had sailed!

It was still lovely and romantic but we spent a total of £750 (9 years ago). If we had debts I wouldn't have even bothered with the meal to be honest!

You've had children with him yet you want him to ask permission from your dad to marry you? Did he have to ask permission to have sex with you?

I've no idea why folks are posing about their Hatton garden rings when the thread is about someone thinking they got s tenners worth from china.

It's rather insensitive to say the least.

An engagement ring is special, but in essence a needless extravagance - one it sounds like you can’t afford at the moment. As others have said, it might just be a placeholder anyway. Definitely whinge and tell him what a shit ring it is, though

I’m recently engaged, and my fiancé spent a lot more money on my ring than I was exactly comfortable with. It’s gorgeous but I’m scared to actually wear it a lot of the time. Also, I’d always thought that if/when he proposed and bought me a ring, I’d buy him something of a similar sort of value as an engagement gift, as we both have our own money and it’s the 21st century. He spent a lot more than I have available to reciprocate with, which makes me feel uncomfortable.

You’re basing your assumption it is cheap and going to turn your finger green because it is from China??

You know that there are plenty of beautiful rings that are created in China?

Sorry I should make it clear. I'm old fashioned romantic in that I like the traditions but I'm not religious so sex before marriage doesn't come in to it. For medical reasons I needed to have my children young as was less likely to conceive the older I got so that was the priority at the time.

If he wanted a dummy ring he wouldn't have to go all the way to China for one. It's what Christmas crackers are for...

But the "tradition" is not to have sex before marriage if you are old fashioned. Why didn't you get married years ago if you had to have children young?

I'm very doubtful it's a dummy ring, just going from past experience of gifts

Maybe, bluntness, it's because when he gets around to buying one, it will be useful for the OP to know and help them avoid being ripped off.

I waited years until DP could afford mine, and was v grateful to have an intro to someone on Hatton garden. Otherwise we would have paid retail for far less. Plus I've known people have issues later on when other valuers say it's not worth what they paid.

I said I like the romantic traditions. Maybe stick to the point of the post rather than trying to argue with me

If you manage all the finances then how is he supposed to save for a ring? Maybe it's just a symbol that he could afford for now

Hmm. A ring, you say? From China?

It might not even be jewellery...

Is there any plumbing needing doing in your house op?

Haha I wish there was plumbing needing doing but we rent and have a good landlord that sorts everything for us

Op you are showing great restraint. I would have opened the package by now!!

Might be a cock ring.

Ah. Well thought I'd best mention it in case it turned out to be a bit of rubber for your dishwaher or summat.

I manage the finances in that I pay our bills, debts etc. He still has money left over each month for himself, twice as much as I do in fact

You want him to ask your dad's permission when you're living together and have a child? Quite apart from the fact that you don't belong to your dad, what lunacy is this? Wait and see what's in the parcel (which might not even be for you) before you start whinging about what might or might not be in it.

I know it's silly to ask my dads permission but I just like the idea of it and I am really close to my dad