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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To feel awful about shouting at an older lady

540 replies

TheCrossKeys · 16/02/2018 01:17

I got the bus today with the baby, 6yo, and 4yo. Baby started having a little whinge when we first got on so I gave her a banana out of the shopping bag and she was silent for the rest of the trip, stuffing her face. 4yo and 6yo were chatting quietly but not constantly, I was across the aisle from them and could barely hear them. I am not shy about telling my DC to quiet down when they're being too loud, I will remove them if they don't and they know this as a fact.

When it got close to the stop we needed, 6yo asked me if this was our stop - it's not a route we usually travel so she wasn't familiar with it - I said yes. The older lady (maybe late 60s?) in the seat behind me piped up in a really nasty voice "good, maybe it'll be quiet now". I asked her what she meant and she pointed at the baby and DD and said "I mean the amount of noise from that and that!". I said she was being very rude about young children who had been sitting quietly and minding their own business, other passengers agreed that they were sitting quietly. She then told me "they're a disgrace and so are you". So I lost my temper and told her she was a nasty fucking witch and was sheborn this bitter or did it develop over time. I then lost whatever dignity I had left and (to my absolute shame) told her to go fuck herself.

I am not a horrible person, I try to be kind and I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've been having a tough time lately and the DC have been so good during it all, they are not little angels all of the time but they really were being quiet and I simply lost my rag.

We have to use that same route again tomorrow and I'm dreading it in case she's on the bus again.

OP posts:
AugustaLoveday · 16/02/2018 18:54

Simply say to the DC that mummy was very upset that the rude lady said you were being noisy when you were being very well behaved. And that mummy shouldn't have said bad words and sometimes we all need to try to stay calm even when other people are being rude to us.

What the children saw was Mummy being the "rude lady" (not convinced by "lady" in this context, though...). The acid test will be whether Mummy ever does anything like this again.

ilovesooty · 16/02/2018 18:55

And a thoroughly unpleasant post also using derogatory language to attack other posters.

ilovesooty · 16/02/2018 18:56

Sorry that was to chopscheeky

petbear · 16/02/2018 19:01

@assassinatedbeauty

@petbear maybe you might consider an anger management course as you sound quite angry and aggressive about this.

Awwwww bless you. Thank you SO much for your kind and wise advice. You are sooooooo lovely. Halo However my little flower, I have attended a anger management course before. That's why I am so nice most of the time now. Smile It's only occasionally that I lose my shit You don't wanna be there for that. Trust me.

@Newminouminou

I’ve sent people away with their tails between their legs without saying so much as bloody/bugger/nonsense/rubbish or poopoo-head.

Or, thinking about it, raising my voice.

Yes, yes, of course dear. I believe you. Wink

You are so impressive; putting people in their place without calling them a poo-poo head. Gosh, aren't you a clever girl?Smile

NewMinouMinou · 16/02/2018 19:03

Petbear, I was defending you.

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/02/2018 19:05

It's a little hard to tell, but I suspect you might be being sarcastic there. Perhaps, who knows!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 16/02/2018 19:11

Can you really not understand that people can "be assertive" and "stand up for themselves" without screeching at complete strangers to go and fuck themselves, petbear?
Maybe acquaint yourself with the words Assertiveness and Aggressiveness and note the difference between them? You sound dog rough, tbh.

NewMinouMinou · 16/02/2018 19:15

You are a very elegant greyhound...

It’s true. Inside I’m going full Vicky Pollard, though...

AmysTiara · 16/02/2018 19:54

You really called someone a nasty fucking bitch.

Charming.

petbear · 16/02/2018 20:02

@newminouminou

Sorry I didn't realise you were defending me. I am so used to people slagging me off! Grin I know I ask for it sometimes...

Sorry again....

Louiselouie0890 · 16/02/2018 20:10

Is swearing really that bad lol

Sparklingbrook · 16/02/2018 20:11

Swearing at strangers is really bad lol

Aridane · 16/02/2018 20:12

Wow - what a rude cunt. And I’m not talking about the old lady.

AugustaLoveday · 16/02/2018 20:12

Iamagreyhound is, again, spot on. Weird that some people (Petbear) think it is Hmm when someone says they don't raise their voice. I don't raise my voice, ever. But I am not a pushover, and am perfectly able to assert myself politely. There's a world of difference between being assertive and acting like a fishwife.

paxillin · 16/02/2018 20:15

Glad we cleared up that swearing at strangers is a little uncouth lol Grin.

SugarNyx · 16/02/2018 20:15

HAhahaha this made laugh. I’d have done the same tbh!

Naughty1205 · 16/02/2018 20:18

This reply has been deleted

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Naughty1205 · 16/02/2018 20:18

I would have done the same as you OP, miserable hag!

Naughty1205 · 16/02/2018 20:18

I would have done the same as you OP, miserable hag!

Naughty1205 · 16/02/2018 20:18

I would have done the same as you OP, miserable hag!

Louiselouie0890 · 16/02/2018 20:21

I just don't think it is. She stood up to the woman. I can't be bothered with this moral high ground level rubbish.

AugustaLoveday · 16/02/2018 20:24

Basic politeness = moral high ground. That definitely deserves a Hmm.

Louiselouie0890 · 16/02/2018 20:29

Basic politeness to someone that couldn't give it to you in the first place

AugustaLoveday · 16/02/2018 20:32

No excuse. The bus woman was evidently rude/unpleasant. The OP could have politely pointed out that her DC are people, not things, and that they were not bothering anyone. Everyone on the bus who'd heard that would probably have applauded it. Instead, she made the bus woman look relatively reasonable.

Battleax · 16/02/2018 20:37

Basic politeness to someone that couldn't give it to you in the first place

Yesss. That's how "moral high ground" works.