to feel sorry for my friend with the eco-warrior DH?

[k2p2k2tog]

(sort of lighthearted but not really)

Very close friend is married to a professional eco-warrior. He's employed high up in a green charity and has in the past been involved in Green politics. They have two daughters of school age. Friend also works but not in the green sector, she's a nurse.

Because her DH is a dyed in the wool "knit your own lentil" person, he has to be seen to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Nothing non-eco. They do have a car, but he cycles to work and she takes the train.

But what makes me feel REALLY sorry for her, and her girls, is that they have bought a touring caravan for all holidays. Despite the fact they're earning good money and could afford a week in the sun somewhere, they spend every holiday cooped up in a tin box so he can show what a WORTHY person he is.

They are currently in Wales. In the freezing cold and rain. In fucking FEBRUARY.

My lovely SO has been an eco-warrior non-driving strict vegan socialist unionist CAMRA bloke for the whole 30+ years I've known him, and it doesn't stop us taking the train to glam locations in mainland Europe, or to fancy city hotels or gorgeous self-catering cottages somewhere pretty in the UK. You can be ethical and conscientious; there's no need to beat yourself up over it. But it's her call whether to protest this sort of thing. When I want to go somewhere by plane, I just go with friends instead; maybe she should arrange a holiday with her daughters somewhere more comfortable!

I know a couple like this. She goes on a sun holiday with her friends while he stays home in a grump because he doesn't agree with it. Each to their own, but in a lighthearted way YANBU, unless she is super happy and as keen about it its not really fair

Should add that I also do camping and YHA-ing when necessary!

I’m currently in a caravan in wales we go every February it’s one of my favourite holidays it’s beautiful. It’s been raining yes but it’s fun in the caravan as a family

Yes she has a terrible life.

She is choosing to stay in a marriage with a man I presume she loves and has voluntarily gone on holiday with him.

She truly lives a terrible life.

Does your friend mind about missing sun holidays? You’d really pity my kids, we get a ferry then sleep in a tent. We’ve had wonderful holidays camping abroad, tons of friends for the kids, gorgeous food and wine, amazing pools on site, theme park days and cultural visits to cities and historical attractions. They love UK camping and static caravan cheapy weekends too.

I know some professional couples who love their caravans and go off on adventures at all times of the year. They can afford AI sun holidays but don’t want them. Not everyone has the same priorities.

My DH works in an eco industry and the very wealthy business owners won’t fly for ethical reasons. They travel all over Europe by train quite happily. Their principles and hard work have provided a successful living for them.

Quartz2208 are ypu the person in the OP?

We rarely fly on holiday anymore after I went to a talk by the M.D. of Stansted airport which said that they were going to expand because there was so much demand for weekends away. The expansion would have gobbled up listed buildings, agricultural land and protected species, but it was more important to get a lap dance in Prague.

We go by train or car. Italy this year, south of France last year.

Incidentally we're in a cottage in wales this week and the Brecon Beacons are glorious. Clear blue skies and springlike.

Does your friend not get a say in what she does on holiday?

I think they do discuss as a family, but within certain parameters. So her DH will not fly anywhere or stay in a hotel. So that rules out a whole lot of different opportunities before you even start. And it's a very long drive to the Channel ports from where we are, slower with a caravan on the back.

And I know the idea of a week in Mallorca isn't everyone's cup of tea, substitute that for a week drinking wine in a villa in Tuscany if you'd prefer. Somewhere warmer, not in the UK.

YABU
I see many of my friends going off on holidays abroad frequently. They never get chance to explore the many wonderful places within UK. Should I feel sorry for them being dragged into planes by their OHs?
I love a UK holiday and will often consider carbon footprint in our travel options

Round here, we knit our own yogurt, not lentils. Knitting lentils is so faux. Might want to let him know that when he's brought the tin box back.

Is he going to make them live up a tree as well? I know someone who actually made their family do that. They win Being an Eco Warrior!

Definitely not! We do sun holidays as well. There is just something very comforting about caravanning in Wales

Why do you think it's all about how he looks, and not about what he believes? Some people have values and live by them.

Also please remember not everyone lives in the Home Counties - it's 500 miles from here to Dover, 10 hours drive with a caravan, not factoring in breaks. Then however long getting across the channel and at least the same again driving in France.

It's just not practical to drive to the Continent from many parts of the UK.

Off to Wales in a caravan this weekend. We had great times with our kids when they were younger, dog came with us, we all got to switch off from reality, made up stories about dragons, explored castles, went to the cinema and had long walks on the coastal path spotting baby seals.

Hull-Rotterdam ferry? I don’t live in the Home Counties either. We either drive or pay the premium for Plymouth-Roscoff. Is your friend’s DH mean with money? I would find that more unattractive than the eco warrior thing.

I guess what bugs me so much is that there's no give and take.

He's not prepared to compromise on his principles at all. Ever. Even if the rest of the family would actually quite enjoy Disneyland Paris or the Greek islands, it's not happening because he won't do it. Friend and girls have to go along with it, there's not much choice. He is a bit preachy about a lot of things to be honest.

I'd much rather have a holiday in Wales in Feb than a hot beach type holiday - they don't appeal at all!

So they're walking the walk? Why is that so annoying to you?

Yabu. With a caravan you can go away every holiday so you get a lot more holiday than a week in the sun every 2 years. Modern caravans are very warm and absolutely nothing like camping.

There is very much a sort of eco person who makes their family’s life miserable - low heating, short showers, no baths, chopping logs, constant skip diving etc etc but this bloke doesn’t sound like that.

So you're angry with him for not being a hypocrite?

Even though she presumably knew what she was getting into when she married him so, on some level, agrees with him?

What would be worrying, as in any relationship, is an imbalanced power dynamic. You don't really suggest that though. Rather, you seem to be projecting your desires onto her.

I have a mild case of camper-van envy. (But won't tell DP that, as he'd love one and I'm not that convinced yet, plus I think they're expensive and we don't actually have anywhere to put one). I see pictures posted by friends who have one and they and their dcs always seem to be having the most amazing weekends and half-terms away. Playing in snow most recently. Fun!

Hmmm can't she go away on a warmer holiday with just the kids, or with friends? I mean she might not want to, but would object?

This isn’t like believing in juice diets or alo Vera. He’s making a concerted personal effort snd a caravan may well have been the compromise. They have to be manufactured, shipped, require a car, etc

I think you sound like you have very fixed comerce based ideas of what families should do and sound like you don’t like the light his different way of life casts on your own practices.

Does he actually preach or just talk? I don’t drink take out coffe as the cups are as good as unrecyclable. And if asked (rarely) I nicely and briefly say that. Is that preaching or just difference? I think the latter.

Is she in,abusive marriage where she cannot leave him? Where he controls all the money and forbids her from earning or spending her own?