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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sorry for my friend with the eco-warrior DH?

304 replies

k2p2k2tog · 15/02/2018 14:29

(sort of lighthearted but not really)

Very close friend is married to a professional eco-warrior. He's employed high up in a green charity and has in the past been involved in Green politics. They have two daughters of school age. Friend also works but not in the green sector, she's a nurse.

Because her DH is a dyed in the wool "knit your own lentil" person, he has to be seen to walk the walk as well as talk the talk. Nothing non-eco. They do have a car, but he cycles to work and she takes the train.

But what makes me feel REALLY sorry for her, and her girls, is that they have bought a touring caravan for all holidays. Despite the fact they're earning good money and could afford a week in the sun somewhere, they spend every holiday cooped up in a tin box so he can show what a WORTHY person he is.

They are currently in Wales. In the freezing cold and rain. In fucking FEBRUARY.

OP posts:
dickiedavisthunderthighs · 15/02/2018 14:50

You can carbon-offset travel, and I would argue that bringing much needed tourism money to certain destinations does the world far more good than avoiding overseas holidays.

MrPan · 15/02/2018 14:50

So you've come on the internet to complain about someone's admirable lifestyle where no-one has complained.
How bored are you?

SmokedPaprika · 15/02/2018 14:54

You may be singing a different song when you are looking forward to your week in the sun, and they are heading off in the 'van for four weeks of sun travelling through France, Spain, Italy in the summer.

WhyDidIEatThat · 15/02/2018 14:58

Maybe he’s insanely gifted in the cunnilingual arts or something?

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 15/02/2018 14:58

A week in Mallorca at any time of the year genuinely sounds like hell on earth to me, sorry Grin
But maybe a caravan in February is going it a bit! Does your friend not get a say in what she does on holiday? Not least because that sounds like a bit hard work for the parents, that holiday, and if I was a nurse, I'd definitely want to have my feet up in a hotel somewhere. February is a great time to take a break, so much cheaper to
stay most places.

DeathStare · 15/02/2018 15:01

She doesn't have much choice in the matter, she's kind of resigned to it all. She used to go abroad with her familly every 2 or 3 years before she met him and got married. He cannot / will not countenance anything which requires air travel

She could still go abroad if she wanted to. They don't have to holiday together

Cath2907 · 15/02/2018 15:01

Did they buy a newish caravan? Our previous was a 2008 and our current is a 2012. We have stayed in both in Jab / Feb and LOVED it. The caravans were warm and cosy. There is something lovely about being in a cosy warm caravan drinking tea and playing cards! I don't feel sorry for anyone taking a holiday in the winter in a caravan - I just feel jealous.

ASimpleLampoon · 15/02/2018 15:01

Oh gosh I live in Wales and in February I mainly stay indoors. Camping can be beautiful here, but not in February.

I've had some lovely summers in our countryside and beaches, but also spent my fair share of days being rained on in a tent in Aberystwyth. Most of my adult life, i've managed to get abroad to get some sunshine and away from the relentless rain.

Why can't they go on the eurostar on holiday?

BookHelpPlease · 15/02/2018 15:01

Not everyone enjoys those tacky package holidays in "brits abroad" type places OP!

Wet rainy weekend in Wales can be fun- especially for children.Depends on your attitude!

Cheekyandfreaky · 15/02/2018 15:01

I would take Wales over Mallorca- seriously, even in feb. I know you won’t believe me but it’s true.

Also, I’m no eco-warrior but I actually really admire people with principles who can not only talk the talk, but walk the walk.

We do only have one planet, for us, our children, theirs and hopefully beyond. If there are people doing there bit we should hold them up as examples to society.

Disclaimer i have just watched Okja on Netflix and feel overcome with emotions.

FlopsyMcDoodle · 15/02/2018 15:02

Why do people think that people do things differently just for their own ego orto show off? People always say this on threads about vegetarianism/ veganism, that people are just doing things to prove a point. Can’t people even go about their own lives, living by their own principles (as long as they don’t hurt anyone obviously!) without people telling them they’re being self satisfied twats?

Dobbythesockelf · 15/02/2018 15:03

Well it's good that he lives by the values he promotes. However I live in Wales and it's been fucking freezing these last few days and yesterday we had gale force winds for most of the day so you wouldn't catch me in a caravan this week lol. But I live by the mountains and it really is beautiful at this time of year from the comfort of my living room with a fire going haha

TroysMammy · 15/02/2018 15:04

No rain in Swansea and the Gower today. Blue, sunny skies.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/02/2018 15:05

Hmm. Don't know if this is the case for OP's friend, but it's not at all uncommon for eco-wanker men to dump a lot of additional work on their female partners, because the man's investsment in 'saving the planet' is at the performance end ie ranting at everyone else and telling them how wicked they are for Not Being Like Him, and the actual cleaning-without-detergents, slow-cooking-vegan-food and constant sewing required to maintain clothes rather than buy new ones is... women's work.

meredintofpandiculation · 15/02/2018 15:07

An eco warrier I know keeps containers by the all the sinks and showers to collect the cold water into while waiting for the water to run hot. And thermos flasks to collect any hot water that might go to waste, like someone wanting to get a cold drink from the mixer tap, or the couple of teaspoons left in the kettle after the coffee has been made. A caravan in Wales in February is nothing compared to that all the year round

mamaryllis · 15/02/2018 15:07

He sounds like a total part timer. The ones you really have to feel sorry for are those with partners who disappear off for months on activist projects with a very real chance of getting banged up in Siberia. It's hard. To do the right thing by the planet requires pretty selfless dedication. Your own partner and children often come second to preserving the planet for generations to come.
It's an interesting conundrum.
I can't raise the enthusiasm for concern about walking to work or caravan holidays tbh. Plenty of people do that without any dedication to the environment, just a lack of cash. And not for profit jobs don't pay much.

sproutsandparsnips · 15/02/2018 15:07

Very windy but sunny in wales today (southwest) and not too bad tomorrow and sat too. Also a lot of us are not on half term this week so may be quieter in places. However a caravan must be freezing!

whiskyowl · 15/02/2018 15:08

Wow, what a horrible thread. Kicking people who are trying to do the best they can is the worst. It's none of your business and YABVU.

NorbertTheDragon · 15/02/2018 15:09

Crappy weather at home or crappy weather in Wales? It's all much of a muchness! Nicer views in Wales though. And Welsh cakes. OK, Wales wins!

Does she complain to you OP? If she does and she's not happy then YANBU. If she's completely fine with touring the country in a caravan then YABU.

meredintofpandiculation · 15/02/2018 15:10

There is something lovely about being in a cosy warm caravan drinking tea and playing cards! Absolutely! Especially with the rain beating down on the roof and the wind rocking the caravan - wonderful feeling, some of my best childhood memories.

giraffesatthezoo · 15/02/2018 15:13

I'm mystified by the idea that he has an ego because he tries not to be a hypocrite. Nothing you've said describes him being an arse to other people- the responses make
It sound as though you were talking about your sun holiday and he interrupted with a 40 minute monologue about how you were destroying the planet. Instead he's just quietly getting on with living his life in accordance with his values.

I know quite a few people who won't fly for climate reasons, and I think good for them. The world can't go on shot haul sun holidays, you should be glad someone is prepared to enjoy their own country. I also think you'll feel differently if they take a ferry to the south of France over August.

UnderCrackers5 · 15/02/2018 15:14

If it was not for fuel they would have frozen to death last week. But he wants to stop us all using fuel in case it gets a little warmer ?

yep. sounds like an eco-loon to me

Dodie66 · 15/02/2018 15:15

I have relatives who have a camper van and go touring round the uk. They posted pics on fb recently of them in Yorkshire in the snow,
They love it

Crispbutty · 15/02/2018 15:15

It’s half term in Devon and quite a few of the camping sites have touring caravans staying. It’s been cold and wet outside this week although today is actually bright and sunny. but it’s still a beautiful place on the moors and it’s a break from home. Yabu.

I’m assuming the caravan will be warm cosy and dry inside so I really don’t see a problem. Better than being bored at home.

ComedyBoobs · 15/02/2018 15:16

Hankering after a caravan now..... Sounds idyllic.