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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it’s wrong of this man to film a child?

358 replies

MrsA2015 · 14/02/2018 23:02

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5391341/Passenger-films-toddlers-eight-hour-tantrum-flight.html

I can see why he filmed it but for it to be put on the net is too far! I feel quite sorry for the mother she must have felt mortified

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 15/02/2018 07:26

I wish I could keep my rights Spikey, but it seems that I can't. The right to go onto a women only hospital ward or changing room. But my rights are disappearing rapidly to cater for a very tiny few.

Spikeyball · 15/02/2018 07:29

My son is one of a tiny few (profoundly disabled) so I am not keen on tiny few arguments.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 07:29

He doesn’t use a single word so I guess he has communication difficulties (which is presumably why the mother doesn’t lose her shit).

Christ the general public can be so THICK. It’s why it can still be so difficult doing stuff with adult Ds1. People seem unable to notice that he uses no words when distressed so probably has something wrong with him.

Why would you video a kid who quite frigging obviously has a communication disorder.

Walker.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 07:30

Wanker even - autocorrected to be polite.

And as for the daily mail publishing it - sums them up.

Spikeyball · 15/02/2018 07:30

Right to be safe - fair enough.

OhCrumbles · 15/02/2018 07:32

HmmAt all the posters who think a trip to the doctor would sort this child out. At this age he's probably not even been diagnosed: it takes years to get diagnosis of ASD. And when/if he is his parents will be sent on their way with a leaflet with a bunch of charities they can approach. If they're lucky the waiting lists won't be more than a year or two, and will still be receiving funding by the time they get to the top of the list

In the meantime the parents (or parent in this boy's case) will have to muddle through, potentially feeling like ineffective parents, being judged by the whole internet.

UnimaginativeNameChange1 · 15/02/2018 07:32

I was on an overnight transatlantic flight with a cold who sounded like this. It was hell for everyone, including the child and their family. I was 7/8 rows behind and it was loud enough to keep me awake through ear plugs. I can't imagine how it sounded to the people in the row in front.

But afaik everyone tried to be understanding (ok, they might have received the odd dirty look as we got off the plane, but no one had slept all night).

Describing a child as 'demonic' is unacceptable to me.

Merryfeckingchristmas · 15/02/2018 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 07:34

And putting my son on a flight is somewhere near the top of the ‘tthings I never want to have to do with Ds1’ list. But I can imagine that there may be some occasions (very few, but some) where we might have to.

If someone videoed him I’d want to kill them.

I still feel anger at the fucking smug father of 2 NT kids who shook his head at me when Ds1 was struggling with a ferry journey aged 5. Tit.

Devilishpyjamas · 15/02/2018 07:34

Or ear ache merry?

Womensplaceisintherevolution · 15/02/2018 07:41

I hope that there was a really good reason for the family needing to travel by plane. The poor child must have been terrified. I'm on the spectrum myself and that situation would have really stressed me out. I feel for all of the people on the plane and think that the situation could have been managed better by staff. There should be separate areas in planes for children with additional needs. Maybe even soundproofing those areas could help? Obviously I really sympathise with his mum but what if there had been other children with sen on the flight who were scared by all the noise. Why should the rights of one individual be more important than that of all the other passengers?

McTufty · 15/02/2018 07:42

I can understand him filming it because he must have been at his wits end and acting out of pure frustration - but uploading it to YouTube once the flight was over was a dick move.

I don’t know what the answer is. Poor little lad, but being on a flight with that noise for 8 hours would be more than inconvenient, it would be tortuous.

Pengggwn · 15/02/2018 07:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KnittedBobbleHat · 15/02/2018 07:44

I expect that poor boys ears began hurting and he was very frightened...

His ears were probably fine given he started making the noise while the plane was grounded

Womensplaceisintherevolution · 15/02/2018 07:48

It was completely wrong of the man to video the child and put it on YouTube though.

Screamer1 · 15/02/2018 07:48

I find the current trend for filming everything and “outing” people appalling.

It’s one thing to film I order to get evidence about something, which you then process as a complaint through proper channels, or to expose a crime / police abuse.

However, when it’s just to show the ‘strange’ behaviour of others as internet click bait for others its completely immoral. No one knows the circumstances of the people that are often shown in these kinds of clips.

Who is the filmer to expose them to that kind of public ridicule and exposure without knowing the whole story? Why are they allowed to become the moral arbiter.

On the one hand people complain about online bullying and trolling of their own children, what example does this set?
I find it deeply m, deeply uncomfortable as a trend.

And in this case the child obviously had some sort of issues. Yes, it would have been a nightmare for other passengers, but The mother might have been completely overwhelmed. How can you tell anything from an 8 minute clip.

k2p2k2tog · 15/02/2018 07:53

Having a disability is not an excuse to subject other ppl to something like that for 8 hrs, especially as they couldn't get away.

I agree. And as others have stated, it's not been confirmed one way or the other whether the child has a disability or not.

We've all been on flights with crying babies and toddlers and it can be awful. My youngest flew for the first time at 4 months and cried for about 15 minutes before takeoff - I was mortified and did everything I could to shush him.

8 hours of a crying, screaming child is HELL. This is the sound used to torture people psychologically.

TheHungryDonkey · 15/02/2018 07:55

I read the thread before watching the video. There is nothing in that video that suggests the mother did nothing to stop it.

It doesn’t sound or look like ‘normal’ behaviour and the snide comment about devices makes the man look a twat.

I expect it was grating on the Mum and child’s last nerve as well as everyone else’s. There’s no right or wrong here with too little information to go on.

Screamer1 · 15/02/2018 07:56

8 hours of screaming is not HELL. It’s a vey difficult and stressful situation, which I’m sure everyone on the flight got through.

KayaG · 15/02/2018 07:56

The plane should never have taken off. Who knows what special need other passengers had on that flight? I hope the family are banned from travelling by the airline.

Parents making no attempt to keep the child or others safe. Refunds all round because that plane shouldn't have taken off.

kungfupannda · 15/02/2018 07:57

Some of the comments on this thread are making me feel a bit sick. Yes, it was a hideous situation for all concerned, but no-one knows the full story, i.e. the reason for the flight, the extent of the child's disabilities, whether he has been fine on previous trips etc.

The comments referring to the child as 'it' and suggesting padded cells are just grim. If mistakes were made, it was the adults making them, not the child.

NotWithABang · 15/02/2018 07:58

Some of the comments on here are fucking vile. This is why I'm so scared and sad for my autistic child. I hope you never end up with a disabled child, for the sake of the child.
We had to make an emergency transatlantic flight to the US (back home for me) ourselves a couple of months ago. My son (3 at the time) didn't react like this, I was scared he may, but he did cry quite a lot on the way back to the UK as it was an overnight flight, he was disoriented and scared. Obviously I sat and cuddled him, and soothed him, and didn't sleep at all myself, and I apologised to the people around us but really, should I have 'taken him to the vet for some tranquillisers?' Maybe, as Charolais disgustingly suggested, I should have taken a boat to try and get home for the funeral, then I could have put him in a padded cell and straight jacket.
You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. But you won't be, and what's worse, you will be passing on your sickening, archaic attitudes to your children.
This video should never have made it to the DM of all places!

Eltonjohnssyrup · 15/02/2018 07:59

kettle, I'm kind of assuming from the way you ignored the question that you are the mother?

What happened here was not 'equality', a child put himself and other people in danger. If restraint or sedation are 'last resorts' they are acceptable here. What was happening was not an acceptable alternative for the child or the mother.

CoolCarrie · 15/02/2018 08:08

I wonder what would have happened if there had been turbulence on the flight? If the child had been hurt, who would have been to blame?

Spikeyball · 15/02/2018 08:14

"We've all been on flights with crying babies and toddlers and it can be awful."

So do we ban all babies and toddlers from flights? Or perhaps we chuck them off if they have been crying for more than a certain amount of time?