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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been quite shocked by my friend and think this was really bad manners

169 replies

takeapicturepictureframe · 14/02/2018 14:55

I was having dinner with my friend and her two year old DS. We both ordered salmon and the dish came with new potatoes and peas. The portions were quite large so there was a bit of fussing as Webb ‘donated’ some food to DS for his dinner.

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 14/02/2018 16:29

I was being rude and sarcastic OP. I admit it. I'm sorry but this is just ridiculous. I shouldn't have posted but I'm very bored (sick at home).

For the avoidance of doubt.. Wink LIGHTHEARTED, not a troll. I'll go away now.

Ginseng1 · 14/02/2018 16:29

Sounds like she in mum mode. Bit thoughtless though. My Dh nan does this to him n his brother still thinks of them as 'growing boys,' n she eats like a bird. They laugh about it its a family joke. But if a friend did this to me I'd be like what the h'll bugger off with that! Why did u just sit there n take it?!

Original poster
takeapicturepictureframe · 14/02/2018 16:34

No, stick around, Twitter You have a sense of humour Grin

OP posts:
sonjadog · 14/02/2018 16:35

Use your words, OP. Next time some tries dumping food on your plate, tell them not to.

Original poster
takeapicturepictureframe · 14/02/2018 16:36

The shrill noise emulating from me made my feelings clear, I think. But by the time I clocked what was going on, the salmon was there.

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 14/02/2018 16:40

YANBU OP. It's rude. If she didn't want it she could have left it on her plate or just asked you if you wanted it. You don't just start piling stuff on to someone else's plate!

Whocansay · 14/02/2018 16:49

This would annoy me too. She's (hopefully unintentionally!) sabotaging your diet.

I would have ended up eating it, as I don't like wasting food (and have no self control).

She should have asked you.

Ohyesiam · 14/02/2018 16:53

Once at a dinner party, the woman to my left was chatting away to someone on her right, when she reached over to my plate and started cutting up my meat. I was a bit taken aback, and amused. After a moment she gasped and looked round at me horrified. She was mortified and explained to me that she had 5 children under 8, and this was the first time she had been out in years.Grin it was really funny and we got on like a house on fire after that.

But my point is that maybe your former friend was Just stuck in that being a mum thing.

Whatever the reason op, most of what other people do is about themselves, do don't take it personally.

blueskyinmarch · 14/02/2018 17:00

I don't know if would have been shocked but i would have been cross. If she felt she had too much food she could either have given her DS more, left it on her plate or asked you if you wanted more. To just dump food unsolicited onto someones plate is plain rude. Has she got issues around food or do you think she was trying to sabotage your weight loss programme?

NotSoSprightly · 14/02/2018 17:01

I can't believe anyone would get annoyed over this.

Original poster
takeapicturepictureframe · 14/02/2018 17:04

I think she is trying to sabotage my weight loss, to be honest, but I still think it’s rude.

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 14/02/2018 17:19

Two pieces of advice: cancel the cheque and penguin bollards. They solve most of life's troubles.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2018 17:20

I used to have a friend that I now realise would always try to sabotage my weight loss.

She would bang on a bout being a size 10 but as she was a shade less than 5 feet tall, we were about the same proportions despite me being a 16/18 (I am much taller). As I started losing weight and looking slimmer proportionately than she did, she suddenly went from wanting to meet for a coffee to insisting on having cake or wanting a McDonalds, inviting me round for high calorie dinners and being upset when I refused or when I did go, not eating the MASSIVE portions she served me (and not herself).

She was one of those people who needs to be the Jonses that you keep up with, I didnt realise until I improved my life massively and I was no longer the poor and fat friend she could feel good about being nice to.

TooGood2BeFalse · 14/02/2018 17:21

Guess what - if food is on your plate, it doesn't mean you have to eat it.

QuimReaper · 14/02/2018 17:22

Mommy totally different situation. I was about to say that the only person I'd do this to is DH if it's something he's crazy for and I don't want, like Yorkshire Pudding when we're out for a roast. Communal vegetables are just that, and the assumption is that everyone will want some. Adding to someone's already complete plate is very different.

viques · 14/02/2018 17:24

I think your friend went into mum mode. It's easily done. You are lucky she didn't cut up your potatoes .

waterlego6064 · 14/02/2018 17:24

I wouldn’t be shocked, but definitely a bit peeved.

My FIL and DH don’t like mushrooms so when we eat out together, they always try to insist on heaping them onto my plate when I’ve said I don’t want them 😡 I like mushrooms, but if I wanted some, I’d have ordered them. And if I did order mushrooms, then I don’t need yours as well 😂

I don’t know why they can’t just leave them on the plate and ignore them. Or better yet, ensure whilst ordering that you are not going to receive mushrooms with your dinner!

QuimReaper · 14/02/2018 17:25

But OP, it sounds a lot like you're interpreting this as some kind of sabotage / passive aggressiveness / veiled snipe on your friend's part? Or is it that you don't suspect her intentions, but you're still cross at your good intentions (small portion of salmon and veg being very worthy) being sabotaged and feel grumpy that she wasn't sensitive to the fact that you might be watching your portions? (All of which are totally fair)

waterlego6064 · 14/02/2018 17:25

Terrible grammar. You get the gist.

mommybunny · 14/02/2018 17:28

QuimReaper I think you've hit the nail on the head regarding why OP could be resenting this.

OP, does your friend know about you trying to lose weight? Has she otherwise been supportive of that, or other things you've been trying to accomplish?

HolyShet · 14/02/2018 17:33

I don't think it was a feeder /sabotage/greedy commentary thing, cos otherwise y'know why would be be friends in the first place

But generally, no I definitely don't want someone to put their unwanted food on my plate. YADNBU

Lonesurvivor · 14/02/2018 17:35

It's a rude thing to do, I'm not sure how anyone can think it's appropriate for one person to shove the food they don't want onto someone else's plate without checking if they actually want it.

My mother does this and it drives everyone mad. We're presented with a nice dinner and suddenly a lump of potato will be landed in the middle of your dinner, and the whole dinner will be one big mess. It's disgusting.

norfolkenclue · 14/02/2018 17:46

I too am 'of a larger build' 🙄 (but would NEVER resort to calling myself a heifer!). I'd have been delighted if anyone had piled on extra food...because I love salmon/potatoes/peas/food! It wouldn't have occurred to me to think that said friend had done it because of my size...more that they perhaps felt they'd 'short-changed' me due to small child nicking half my dinner 😂. Either way, I'd have happily chowed down without a care! Be kind to yourself OP...and don't try to transfer your insecurities onto other people's actions.

BitOutOfPractice · 14/02/2018 17:49

If she's generally supportive of your weight loss intentions, then I'd say this was just mindless shizzle. But if you suspect she's a sabateur, the YANBU

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2018 18:06

The shrill noise emulating from me made my feelings clear, I think. But by the time I clocked what was going on, the salmon was there.

So then you gave it back?

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