Can someone be too fertile?

[ByTheBlueBay]

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

Ignore Cats and Maisy OP. A lot of people on here are jaded because of their own experiences.
It's not about being jaded.
It's about being capable of being pro choice and thinking that it's not difficult for adults to choose contraception. Or if they have been a little careless then they accept an unplanned pregnancy is a predictable outcome of unprotected sex rather than some sort of magical surprise because of their own super fertility.

That's not being pro choice some of the time. It's about being pro choice whilst thinking people who choose not to use contraception are irresponsible.

But she didn't specifically ask people who struggle to conceive cats she asked on a public forum 🙄 You're clearly wound up because of what's happened in your own life. It's very sad but there's no need to take it out on the OP. Some people are fertile and some aren't. It sucks but that's life. She's entitled to ask whatever she wants on a public forum.

She asked on a forum where lots of people are struggling, using terminology that’s often used to refer to something to do with repeated loss.

Also what was she even asking?!

Some people fall pregnant more easily than others...you can be more fertile. Myself and my sisters are/were in that category.

However...you're taking a risk having him inside you without contraception...similar to using the withdrawal method..it's not reliable

But not everyone knows it's to do with repeated loss. I'd never heard of it until I clicked on this thread. It's fair enough to assume that those who are struggling are confined to the conception/infertility boards. So by your reasoning I couldn't post an AIBU about arguing with my mum just in case people who have lost their own mums read it and get offended? no offence but you sound very entitled.

By the way..I don't think you deserve the bashing you're getting in relation to people TTC.

So by your reasoning I couldn't post an AIBU about arguing with my mum just in case people who have lost their own mums read it and get offended?

I agree with this ^...^..^^

It's 'look at me being smug about super fertility which isn't super fertility at all. I was just too lazy to use contraception so had an abortion'

That's your interpretation...it doesnt make it fact.

I don't interpret it that way at all. You have your internal frame of reference...the OP has hers...

Far too much sensitivity on here.

Precisely itsbecause. There's this weird idea that fertility causes offence to those that struggle with it and everyone should always be aware of that and take care not to talk about conceiving easily or not wanting a pregnancy or struggling with motherhood because it's something that other women desperately want and they might be upset by it.

I'm almost 40 (days away), childless after 3 losses and single. The chances of me meeting someone I want to have a baby with who wants a baby with me and that ever happening are slim to none.

But I would gladly give up the idea of ever having a baby if it meant I could at least be in a loving and supportive relationship.

But I'm not. And I can deal with that. But people don't avoid talking about their relationships or engagements or marriages around me. I wouldn't go on to a thread about 'tell me lovely things your DP does' and say it was insensitive to those of us who aren't lucky enough to be in a relationship. I wouldn't go onto a thread with someone moaning about their partner or saying they've dumped someone who loved them because they didn't feel the same and say it's rubbing my nose in it and they should consider themselves lucky.

Everyone (including me) would think that ridiculous. But somehow posting about falling pregnant easily (even if through being a bit daft) or terminations shouldn't occur because it's insensitive or designed to cause offence or 'rub peoples noses in it'.

I really don't think it is.

Cats I suffer from recurrent miscarriage and not even the hospital Consultant I saw mentioned super or hyper fertility to me. I've never heard of the connection before you mentioned it (I subsequently googled).

I class myself as very fertile. One pregnancy on the pill, one with the coil in place (it was where it was meant to be). The others first time.

I don't think you have deserved the shit you have had here OP.

But people don't avoid talking about their relationships or engagements or marriages around me. I wouldn't go on to a thread about 'tell me lovely things your DP does' and say it was insensitive to those of us who aren't lucky enough to be in a relationship. I wouldn't go onto a thread with someone moaning about their partner or saying they've dumped someone who loved them because they didn't feel the same and say it's rubbing my nose in it and they should consider themselves lucky.

Exactly.

Perhaps it’s not a widely known about thing. It’s what I first thought when I opened the thread, but I do a lot of reading on this subject so I accept others may not know.

Thank you harvey I wholeheartedly agree that infertility is heartbreaking but i wish those struggling with it wouldn't see EVERYTHING as an insensitive attack. I see it all over mumsnet and it's tiring. As someone that doesn't have great fertility odds, I really don't begrudge anyone that falls pregnant with ease. Their pregnancy doesn't affect my chances in the slightest. I just wish there weren't so many fertiles vs infertile debates at the mere mention of babies or pregnancy. It's uncomfortable, entitled and unnecessary. That being said, I wouldn't write yourself off at 40. It could all happen for you (and I hope it does)! Stranger things have happened

I wouldn't go on to a thread about 'tell me lovely things your DP does' and say it was insensitive to those of us who aren't lucky enough to be in a relationship.
But this isn't like that.
I've already said had the OP said 'we've been careless with contraception and i just want to talk through thing' that is different to choosing to not use contraception and then being all 'oh what a surprise. I must be super fertile'. It's not a surprise. You chose not to use contraception. That is what has irritated me. (It sounds like teenagers using the withdrawl method and then getting pregnant saying 'oh but it wasn't properly unprotected really if you think about it'.)

Some people find it easier to conceive than others. I get that. That's a fact if life. However, you can't go around suggesting super fertility is the miaculous reasons for an unplanned pregnancy which was caused by not using contraception not some magical fertility gods.

Can we post about how difficult we are finding pregnancy or how awful it is or will that offend people that are suffering with infertility. It took me 18 months to get pregnant the first time, I have pcos, it was hard for me but I couldn't expect people to not talk about their pregnancy in case it offended me.

Maisy I agree. Wouldn’tve complained if OP had said that.

Can we post about how difficult we are finding pregnancy or how awful it is or will that offend people that are suffering with infertility
Of course you can talk about it.

I can only speak for myself but I don't mind hearing women sharing their experiences, positive or negative. I only think it's a bit annoying when people claim they've had surprise pregnancies when they weren't using contraception (and in the case of this thread trying to suggest the surprise pregnancy happened due to super fertility as opposed to choosing ti have unprotectrd sex)

Maisy - I agree it could be annoying the OP didn't seem to have the basic knowledge about biology and conception. I wasn't particularly sympathetic in that regard. But that's a separate issue that wasn't the basis of a lot of posts. Lots of people don't have knowledge of things that other people do - yeah it may seem obvious but clearly isn't to some people.

But it wasn't annoyance at lack of knowledge that led to the attack on the OP.

What happened on this thread is that within 9 posts there was a call to take the thread down because ' a lot of women on MN have fertility issues and it could be upsetting for those who are desperate to be in your shoes'

More posts:

I agree this is insensitive for the many posters who struggle with infertility issues.

The title is a smack in the face to those struggling to conceive, as is saying you had unprotected sex once and then terminated.

It is thoughtless to post about being 'too fertile'

I agree with the thread being taken down, a lot of women struggling to conceive may be upset by it.

Stop rubbing it in peoples faces, it's cruel.

The OP is insensitive, immature and ignorant.

Those don't sound like comments irritated that the OP didn't use contraception and got pregnant - they sound like comments finding it offensive that the OP is talking about finding it easy to conceive when others don't.

Which isn't fair and is suggesting that women shouldn't talk about getting pregnant easily - let alone not wanting to be pregnant because it might upset women who want to be. And there is literally no comparative situation where other women are expected to not talk about something affecting them on a chat forum because some other women may be upset by it.

It’s the way she talked about it.

I don’t think anyone is saying she can’t talk about it. Even I’m not saying that!

I still stand by my question

“What was OP asking with this thread?”

If she’d said “I need some contraception help” or “I was reckless and subsequently had a termination, I need some support” or even “can someone help me understand sex and safe sex?” I don’t think anyone would’ve complained.

It looks like it’s been written by someone with very little knowledge of sex and very little sensitivity imo.

I got pregnant 3 times on the pill. Not a major problem as we wanted a few children, but one of them we only had sex once that month. I know you can get pregnant any time you have sex but it's not usually that easy

HarveyKietelRabbit
As I say, I can only talk about what irritated me from the thread.
I'm 18 months or so into TTC but am still happy to share in other people's happiness (even though on some days it feels really crap and i get down).

For me what I found irritating was the 'oh i must be super fertile to have got pregnant. What a surprise' vs 'DP and I chose not to use contraception and had an unplanned pregnancy'. Thr latter is true and the former is just irritating and insensitive at best or sheer goady at worst.
(Should add I don"t have an issue with people who do ttc and get a positive quickly saying 'i swear he only has to look at me to conceive' because they stopped using contraception and had a good shot at it. Equally, i have no negative feelings to people who manage to get a bfp due to contraception failure. Life is like that. But if someone doesn't use contraception and carries on like 'oh what a shock!' then it pisses me off. No contraception = not a surprise)

pengggwn

Maisy well said, again. I feel similarly.