Can someone be too fertile?

[ByTheBlueBay]

I was on the pill for 6 years before I came off it. We conceived DD when we didn't use a condom once. Literally, once. I know once is all it takes but it was a shock.

Anyway since having DD we always used a condom. However it wasn't used straight away, there'd be a few pumps first (TMI). We'd only have sex once a month or so but I still managed to fall pregnant on DH's precum.

Am I super fertile? I had a termination and we haven't had sex since. I'm too scared. I'm considering the implant but I'm not sure how the hormones will affect me with depression and anxiety.

No you didn't say she couldn't talk about it TheCatsPaws but you did say:

The title is a slap in the face to those struggling to conceive as is saying you had unprotected sex once and terminated.

You didn't have to have an abortion (you then listed some reasons you think are good enough to be considered 'having to have' an abortion)

Stop rubbing it in peoples faces. It's cruel.

I'm not the only one who said her thread is stupid.

This site has a lot of people who are struggling (to conceive - suggesting the OP shouldn't have posted?)

I find the OPs thread childish.

I have a problem with what seems like her 'bragging'. It's insensitive.

SO I DO think you objected to her talking about it and you say ' what was she asking'.
The OP had a clear point to it even if it was poorly worded and seemed ridiculous or stupid or teenaged. She got pregnant when she didn't think she could because she hadn't had her DP ejaculate inside her and asked if she was more fertile because she got pregnant when he hadn't done that. She got loads of replies.

Some were less than sympathetic (I was a bit incredulous) but the idea that she was insensitive towards women struggling to conceive or offensive or bragging is what many of us objected to when she did have a query no matter how silly it seemed.

I have conceived on the pill twice (two different brands) and with a copper coil. Don't know if that makes me crazy fertile or not but I have 8 kids so yeah I suppose. lol

Late to the party but been reading this thread and as someone who is suffering with infertility myself, I don’t find the concept of this thread particularly offensive however the OP’s lack of basic biologally is pretty criminal. If a peen goes in a vag with no method of protection, you can get pregnant. Nowt to do with being super fertile (though a good title for a new superhero comic strip, perhaps?) It’s to do with sperm meeting egg equalling a pregnancy. You’re welcome.

TheCatsPaws
MaisyPops

The mere title would suggest op knows very little about the fertility. I really don’t understand why you are so upset with someone, who has neither read nor received the relevant education. Many many people on threads ask questions, which are answerable in two seconds on google. They usually don’t get shouted down. Having been through ivf (3 times), she, in comparison to me is very fertile. I think if op were comparing herself to someone like me, and what appears to be her current knowledge, the question is a legitimate one.

I don’t know what you’re hoping to achieve apart from shame her for her lack of knowledge. You definitely haven’t tried to educate her. Ironic really considering that this site is primarily to make eachothers lives better.

Mummyoflittledragon
As i've said, had they said 'DH and I didn't use contraception and had an unplanned pregnancy. We thought we'd be ok but clesrly not. Can someone explain?' then I'd get that. (Although a quick google would probably tell you the answer)

Even 'We've been careless with contraception and had an unplanned pregnancy'

And I say this as someone who doesn't mind people TTC saying 'he just looks at me and i fall pregnant' because no contraception + sex = chance of baby. Some conceive quicker than others. That's life.

But 'i had unprotected sex and got pregnant. This is such a surprise and I must be super fertile' is annoying.

Some people manage to conceive quicker than others. But not using contraception and falling pregnant isn't because of super fertility. It's having unprotected sex. So I get asking 'is ir true you can still conceive with precum?' But I don't get 'oops silly me i clearly got pregnant because i have sone super fertility' when someone gets pregnant from unprotected sex.

She had unprotected sex and got pregnant with her DD.

Then when they had sex they would put condoms on before he ejaculated. She thought she was having 'protected' sex because he wasn't ejaculating inside her - hence her question about whether she was very fertile.

Loads of posts on MN over the years about people successfully using the withdrawal method (which is basically what the OP is talking about, unprotected sex but not having him ejaculate inside you) for years and never getting pregnant from pre-ejaculate. Not a 100% reliable method of contraception and yes I might think well yeah, of course you got pregnant! but it is widely used so the OP wasn't being a dick for querying why she got pregnant when lots of women using the same method don't.

In which case why not just ask 'is it possible to get pregnant if he doesn't ejaculate?'
That's my issue. The tone feels off to me. Why not ask a question to clarify a biological fact which needs answering? Why go down the 'i must havr some special fertilitt power this was such a surprise' route?

I remember our sex ed in school and thr message was 'if you aren't prepared ti hsve a baby then no penis goes in without contraception'. It's the same as what we teach in schools now.

So i get wanting to ask if it's possible to conceive pre ejaculation but don't get 'oh i must be super fertile'. One's clarifying a fact and the other is total nonsense.

To be fair, I use withdrawal. However I use it because I can’t take the pill, want to ttc again soon once I find out why I’ve had four losses, and don’t like the idea of something I have to get removed. I completely trust my DP and so for us, it’s the best method.

However I’m well aware I could get pregnant from it, and I also know when I ovulate and we avoid any sex during that time.

I’m still aware that, even by doing that, I could randomly ovulate early or late, DP could mess up and I could get pregnant. Especially as like OP, I seem to conceive quickly (staying pregnant is sadly another matter).

I would not, however, act surprised if I did get pregnant. At the end of the day, it’s not a reliable method and OP wasn’t even avoiding fertile times!

Maisy
You’re still judging op for the use of language. Perhaps she isn’t as eloquent or educated as you. Or as good as googling as you or I. We aren’t all the same.

TheCatsPaws
As with Maisy, you’re still looking at ops posts through your filters and knowledge of pregnancy, fertility etc.

In fairness, as Harvey said I didn’t know anything about the withdrawal method, pre ejaculation or much about the fertility window until I met someone, who practised the withdrawal method for religious reasons and I was around 30.

I think I’m so surprised because I’m only 23, yet I know a lot about this. So it seems incredulous that other adult women, no doubt older than myself, do not.

However, I’ve had gynae problems my entire life, so I probably know more about periods and pregnancy than most people in general.

Just seems very surprising that OP was ...surprised

You weren't expressing surprise though were you? You said it was 'cunty to be rubbing other peoples face in it' among other things.

My consultant at the recurrent miscarriage clinic explained fertility is a bell curve with hyper fertile women one end infertile the other. I fall under the hyperfertile end which is the likely cause of the high number of miscarriages I've had - my body holds onto everything regardless of quality

WHAT was the insensitive bit of what she said? The phrase 'super fertile'? Which lots of people have said is a phenomenon.

The fertility fairy is a bitch. One niece had sterilisation and abelation, got pregnant. Other niece needed 3 years and drugs.
It’s life.

Sorry for your losses Namechangrdtoscream.

I’m definitely at the superbarren end - my body has never held on to anything.

Hyperfertility IS a thing and it's devastating. Many women with it lose high numbers of pregnancies as a result. I'm pregnant at the moment - we had sex once that month - which gives further evidence to being hyperfertile. It's not a sleight of insult to infertile women it's our own horrible cross to bear.

Thank you jaygee I think both ends of the curve are horrible and traumatic for those going through it.

The super fertility thing Harvey.

I’ve had four pregnancies in 10 months. Much higher than average. You can also work out from that what has happened to them.

Do you know how annoying it is hearing that at least I can get pregnant (real useful if I can’t get to a viable point that), or that I must be very fertile, or that I’m clearly eventually going to be successful because it’s numbers? Do you have any idea how insulting it is to see someone bragging about getting pregnant easily and then using terminations in such a blase manner?

Honestly OP pissed me off. I’ve had flashbacks, panic attacks and nightmares around my medical and surgical procedures relating to miscarriage due to my own “super fertility”. How dare someone be so blasé and downright stupid about it. OP sounds about 15. Oh no I had a penis in me, an I pregnet wat do? I’d expect this to be a yahoo answers question.

There. Now you know why I’m so irritated by this thread.

But the OP wasn't been rude or bragging. She honestly didn't seem to know that sometimes the withdrawal method doesn't work. It's horrible that you have had a hard time but you can't judge everyone else by your own experience. Till I was 24 I didn't realise how messed up my periods really we're, I was told that some women had irregular periods and painful periods and just given the pill. It wasn't until I wasn't getting pregnant that I really looked into it and realised that something might not be quite right.
The OP may have been uneducated but calling her cunty and making it out like she's just trying to piss people off is unfair. I hope the OP has got the answers she needed and will go to a Dr to discuss better contraception.

I suppose the real issue is the lack of education surrounding sex and pregnancy. OP is just an example of it

Namechangedtoscream very best wishes with this pregnancy.

TheCatsPaws - so you can see that you have been projecting your own personal issues onto the OP? and that is unfair.

And given how you are struggling with your MH, it is really unpleasant of you to have given the OP such a hard time when she said from post 1 that she had depression and anxiety and that influenced her decision to terminate. To say she was 'blase' about termination when it was related to her MH is fucking horrible and far, far worse than any perceived 'insensitivity' that the OP might have inadvertently shown (not that I think she did).

So have a word with yourself eh? And maybe think about how upsetting you find it that people don't understand your MH difficulties or struggles before you stick the boot in to someone going through their own.

Cats - I've had 5 losses. Some late into the first trimester. I'm currently pregnant and have experienced intense anxiety not least because I'm nearly 40 and have the additional risk factors due to age.

You're entitled to feel like things are unfair - most people who suffer from miscarriages do feel like that although they rarely say it as we come across as bitter and jealous - which is ultimately what we are albeit understandably.

It isn't fair for you to project your anger and frustration at the OP however much you're hurting. You aren't alone in feeling how you do. But it doesn't give you the right to be abusive. Sorry to be patronising but maybe it is your age. You need to learn that life is fucking unfair but you can't just spout abuse and you have been abusive. I've wanted to report your posts actually. You are clearly grieving and going through a hard time but so are a lot of us. Don't blame the OP.