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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say he can't take the car?

351 replies

Shitinyourhandsandclap · 14/02/2018 00:11

DC and I share a car. I bought and paid for it and the insurance. He puts £20 petrol in it most weeks.

He wants to take the car to visit a friend who's at uni 60 miles away. It's a good 80-90 min drive, quite a lot of it on a very busy motorway.

The car is tiny and old, top speed is under 70mph. Its only ever used on little local trips, and occasionally on the local dual carriageway which has a limit of 40/ 50mph.

DS is a confident driver and happy to drive there. I am less confident in his abilities as he's easily distracted and has never driven on a motorway full of lorries. I'm also not 100% confident in the car (but I'm no mechanic, I only passed my test last year so am also a new driver).

I'd said to DS I wanted him to go out in the car with my DP just one junction down the motorway and back. And I also wanted DP just to check the car over (as he's been driving for well over 20 years, maintained his own cars etc). Anyway that plan all came to nothing as when I raised this at the weekend DP basically said he didn't see the point and I was being ridiculous Hmm.

I told DS he can't use the car, and had him screaming down the phone to me. He then had another go at me tonight telling me I hadn't even tried to sort it out. I've offered to pay his train dare and drive him to the station, but that wasn't good enough.

I have a load of other shit going on. This is really not what I need, I was in tears at work today because I'm sick of it, that any tiny bit of help I ask for just can't be given. At the moment I'm not too happy with either DS or DP. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.

So AIBU to have said no?

OP posts:
ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 16/02/2018 19:27

@Roomba - I had a Cinquecento for my first car, too. I loved it to bits, even though it felt like it was made of tinfoil and gaffer tape, and even though the handbrake wouldn't actually hold it for hill starts on really steep gradients (I remember one particularly entertaining occasion going up Lansdown Road in Bath in the evening traffic). Good times Smile

Bettybettybettybetty · 16/02/2018 19:39

It’s her car blue!

reddington · 17/02/2018 07:35

Seems very sensible and we did this with ds1. After driving for just over a year he wanted to do a 2 hour journey and i insisted he stop half way for a break

Just wow. I was driving all over the country for uni interviews and open days within a couple of months of passing my test. If my parents had insisted I take a break every hour I’d have been WTF? Just who are these special snowflakes that pass their tests then can’t go on the motorway? If you’ve driven on a dual carriageway then you’ll be fine on the motorway. The day I passed my test I jumped straight on the motorway just for the fun of it. Mind you, my old man had me doing 70-80 regularly on DCs before I passed my test so there was no confidence issue.

onemorecakeplease · 17/02/2018 08:08

I agree with op

He should have a try on motorway first

But I don’t think a 15yo tiny car is a good idea for a motorway trip either. What chance would it have against a lorry?

In fact I don’t think a 15yo car little car will have anywhere near the necessary crumple
Zones or safety features I would want my son driving around in. Sorry

reddington · 17/02/2018 08:13

*But I don’t think a 15yo tiny car is a good idea for a motorway trip either. What chance would it have against a lorry?

In fact I don’t think a 15yo car little car will have anywhere near the necessary crumple
Zones or safety features I would want my son driving around in. Sorry*

I sometimes drive a 58 year old car on the motorway, it has no crumple zones, roof or seatbelts. It’s happiest at around 55mph. It’s no issue.

Chickenagain · 17/02/2018 08:43

^^ but would you let.your relarively inexperienced 19 year old drive it on the motorway, unaccompanied for his first motorway experience?

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2018 08:45

chicken they’ve passed their driving test. There is absolutely no requirement for supervision on the motorway.

Chickenagain · 17/02/2018 08:50

FWIW - I never, ever forget to look over my shoulder when changing into outside lane. Why? Because I was within a split second of smashing into the car in my blind spot. Thanks to the fast reactions of the other driver, there was no collision, I learnt that lesson at 17, I'm just glad I'm here still to practise it

Chickenagain · 17/02/2018 08:52

The new driving test is going to include driving on motorways. Why do you think that is?

PurpleDaisies · 17/02/2018 08:54

How is that relevant? He has passed now. He can legally drive on motorways. It’s ridiculous for his mum to stipulate where he can or cannot drive.

mewkins · 17/02/2018 09:03

Me and my sister drove our old banger on a 5 hour journey down to Cornwall a few months after passing our tests.
Make sure you have breakdown cover and get your son to You tube how to do a quick safety check on cars (oil water, tyres etc). The drive he is doing is pretty short - I do longer drives for work in a day.
I think that you are not confident and so you're projecting that onto your son. He needs to do it some time.

Ignore your partner saying the car is underpowered. He means that he would want to drive something faster.

Chickenagain · 17/02/2018 09:11

Purple there are a lot of things he can legally do, doesn't make it a great idea though. All the op is trying to do is be sensible, give her son a little experience of what to expect driving on a motorway, before he fills her underpowered car with his mates & roars off into the sunset.

I would probably do the same - I don't have kids, but I am a very good, very experienced driver.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/02/2018 09:47

reddington

He didnt have to take a break every hour...i wanted him to take a break on his first ever 'long' distance

He didnt take a break on his way home because he knew he was fine

(He probably didnt take a break on the way up to be fair Grin)

He is very special though Grin

Original poster
Shitinyourhandsandclap · 17/02/2018 10:29

Chickenagain - Thanks, you have summed it up perfectly in your post at 09.11.

I'm finding all the 'I did a 4 hour drive the day after I passed my test at 18' more than a bit irritating. Firstly unless you're all under 25 now (unlikely) you're talking about 10, 20 even 30 years ago. Roads are now significantly busier so I don't think it bears comparison. In the 1960s my dad used to drive a 60 mile journey motorway journey to London at midnight-1am and often wouldn't see another car. That's unthinkable now. Times change.

Also insurance for young drivers never used to be as expensive as now, hence they often had better cars. Were you all doing that 4 hour drive in a very small car with less than a 1 litre engine, which it's known can't do more than 60-65 at a push? Probably not.

As for people saying I should have taken him on a 70mph dual carriageway, I'm not even sure where the nearest one is. All the ones I know are 40-50mph. He's driven on those. But a 2 lane dual carriageway is a lot different to a 4 lane motorway. As to why I couldn't take him out, I think it's better he goes with a more experienced driver. Also, this week he was working every evening until midnight.

I should add that he's now gone away quite happily in the end as he's realised that getting the train is slightly quicker, more relaxing, and he can have a beer. Plus it means he doesn't spend all weekend driving his mates from pub to pub.

Going forward if DP won't take him out I think a couple of lessons with his old instructor would be good. Finances permitting I'll try and get my car serviced when it goes for its MOT in April. DS is also working out whether he can afford his own (better) car.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 17/02/2018 10:32

Motorway driving is way more straightforward than any other sort of driving I don't get all the angst about it

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/02/2018 10:53

I think there is a difference in motorways

M27 easy

M25 easy once you know how...but terrifying if you don't

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/02/2018 10:54

Oh sorry

Should be a Grin there

Im only a little bit serious

iBiscuit · 17/02/2018 11:04

If motorway driving is that straightforward, why aren't you allowed to drive on them without a full licence? Hmm

The hazards might be less varied compared to country lanes, towns and dual carriageways, but they are not lesser. Even just having a lane to your left as well as to your right makes a huge difference to motorway driving compared to other types.

An error which would result in a prang and maybe a bit of whiplash in town could result in a multi-car pileup on the M4.

Likewise a breakdown on an A road might be a PITA, but having to spend any time at all on a motorway hard shoulder can be catastrophic.

RedHelenB · 17/02/2018 12:15

I said more straightforward. You only go off on your left, you have countdowns till your junction you aren't forced to overtake if you don't wish to no tricky bends, roundabouts, horse riders etc.

reddington · 17/02/2018 16:11

^^ but would you let.your relarively inexperienced 19 year old drive it on the motorway, unaccompanied for his first motorway experience?

Yes, of course. I was 17 and a bit when I had my first motorway experience, on my own within about 2 hours of passing my test. Really not an issue.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/02/2018 16:49

Well so did i reddington

But i figured that was because my parents didnt love me Sad

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/02/2018 16:49

Joke!!!!!

Nobody yell at me Grin

redastherose · 17/02/2018 17:57

I passed my test at 18 and had an 18 year old ancient

redastherose · 17/02/2018 18:01

Sorry posted too soon

18 year old banger that cost the princely sum of £150. It was maintained and passed its mot no problems and I frequently took it on long journeys up and down the motorway.

Yabu to refuse him just because you are a nervous driver yourself.

You seem to be more annoyed at your partner but as pp have said unless he's a mechanic there is nothing he could do which would give you any comfort that you couldn't do yourself (ie, petrol, water, oil, tyre pressures, windscreen washer fluid etc).

onemorecakeplease · 17/02/2018 22:49

“sometimes drive a 58 year old car on the motorway, it has no crumple zones, roof or seatbelts. It’s happiest at around 55mph. It’s no issue.”

reddington It might be no issue for you as an experienced driver.

You are likely to be able to spot what’s going on up ahead, anticipate what other drivers are going to do and get out of the way should something occur.

A young driver on his first motorwar experience won’t have that level of awareness.

Still wouldn’t fancy your chances in an accident....

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