To say he can't take the car?

[Shitinyourhandsandclap]

DC and I share a car. I bought and paid for it and the insurance. He puts £20 petrol in it most weeks.

He wants to take the car to visit a friend who's at uni 60 miles away. It's a good 80-90 min drive, quite a lot of it on a very busy motorway.

The car is tiny and old, top speed is under 70mph. Its only ever used on little local trips, and occasionally on the local dual carriageway which has a limit of 40/ 50mph.

DS is a confident driver and happy to drive there. I am less confident in his abilities as he's easily distracted and has never driven on a motorway full of lorries. I'm also not 100% confident in the car (but I'm no mechanic, I only passed my test last year so am also a new driver).

I'd said to DS I wanted him to go out in the car with my DP just one junction down the motorway and back. And I also wanted DP just to check the car over (as he's been driving for well over 20 years, maintained his own cars etc). Anyway that plan all came to nothing as when I raised this at the weekend DP basically said he didn't see the point and I was being ridiculous .

I told DS he can't use the car, and had him screaming down the phone to me. He then had another go at me tonight telling me I hadn't even tried to sort it out. I've offered to pay his train dare and drive him to the station, but that wasn't good enough.

I have a load of other shit going on. This is really not what I need, I was in tears at work today because I'm sick of it, that any tiny bit of help I ask for just can't be given. At the moment I'm not too happy with either DS or DP. This is the straw that broke the camel's back.

So AIBU to have said no?

I missed the bit about the car being 15 YO before. My money's now on a Kia Picanto or a Toyota Aygo or the Peugeot or other one that's more or less all the same car. Or a Smart Car.

All very small and a bit underpowered. We hired a Kia Picanto on holiday once and as well as not being able to get all the luggage in the boot (and we were hand luggage only) it really struggled on the hilly roads of whichever Spanish Island we were on at the time.

Not sure about the top speed, I would have expect that they can manage 70 though - My last car was a Citigo, so slightly less small and it was fine on the motorway.

OP, I reckon your car is a Daewoo Matiz, specifically one of the original 800cc versions, and if so, your reluctance for it to be used on motorways is entirely reasonable.

(I'd still get it serviced though. Even the most lowly and aged vehicle benefits from new oil, filters and spark plugs occasionally)

As for the being screamed at part: absolutely YANBU. No-one yelling at me would get my car keys afterwards.

This isn't about the car even though its become the focus of the thread. It's about the OP's fears, her DO's unhelpfullness and her DD's rudeness and sense of entitlement. She is quite reasonable to want DS to have a bit of practice before he goes on the motorway and he has no right to shout at her for 'not even trying to sort it'. It's up to him to do what needs to be done to get the loan of the car and she has every right to impose conditions. It's not helpful if her DP to laugh off her concerns and refuse to help. Has son asked SD to give the car the once over to assuage his mothers fears? Has he agreed to and asked for a trial run? If not, he's not doing anything to fix things either. The car isn't the issue, but if DS wants to use it, he needs to be a bit more conciliatory and less demanding. And he needs to learn that screaming doesnt get what he wants. It sounds as thiugh OP is being pushed around and dismissed by both these men.

DS in a car with 2 friends, holdalls, etc will easily be 300kg or more. Which of course slows the car down even more.

Oh hang on - he's going to have friends in the car too? I was a bit 'gotta learn sometime' about the motorway drive, but a car full of distractions as well?

I'm not sure why everyone is doubting that her car can only comfortably do 60mph. We had a 15 year old Honda JoyMachine, serviced (non-dealer) regularly, good MOT. It still needed a following wind and a downhill to get over 65mph in it's later years. Was perfectly safe for driving in urban environments, it just didn't have enough oomph to drag my fat ass over 65mph.

YANBU to say he can't take it for a long motorway drive alone without any checks or practice. It sounds like there isn't time to prepare for this trip. Paid train is a good compromise.

However, YABU not to facilitate the checks and go on a practice drive with him yourself, so that one day he can go. DP said no - he doesn't want to and, tbf, it's not his job - you are DS's parent, and it's your car.

OP, getting the car serviced is a safety issue.

The MOT doesn't pick up everything, and you don't get warning signs for a lot of wear and tear items.

EG, for your ex's cambelt, regular servicing would likely have picked that up, and in any case the garage would have recommended replacement at the appropriate service interval. (It varies car to car.) It's one of the things that rarely has a warning sign.

If your 15 year old car can’t manage 70mph then it is seriously fucked. I wouldn’t be driving it anywhere!

Good Lord, so much drama!

The car is either roadworthy or not. If it’s roadworthy, it can do a motorway run.

I feel really sorry for your son. He either uses the car or doesn’t. You can’t pick and choose where he goes and which roads he uses because of your own anxiety! What happens if there’s a diversion around one of your preferred routes?

He shouldn’t have screamed at you but I’m not surprised he did if you’re normally so illogical in your thinking.

Your DS is angry as he has promised his friend's a lift

Can people really not get that a car can be fine for pootling about town and short A road journeys, but shit on motorways (especially in the hands of an inexperienced driver and loaded up with other teenagers)?

It's pissing down with rain, the motorway is full of artics, vans and powerful German cars doing 80+. Would you feel safer in an old 1lt Micra, or a 5 year old BMW?

iBiscuit A car is either roadworthy or it isn't. It is either mechanically sound or it isn't. It is either up to the job or it isn't. If it isn't, then it shouldn't be on the road.

We're talking purely about the VEHICLE, not who is driving it or the weather. They are separate. I'd rather an inexperienced driver was in an old 1ltr Micra than a 5-year 2ltr injected BMW!

Good lord yes, me too! But there are plenty of mechanically sound cars which are crap on motorways. If all the other vehicles on the motorway were tiny engined Micras it wouldn't be an issue. But they're not, and a lot of people drive like dicks.

I'd rather an inexperienced driver was in an old 1ltr Micra than a 5-year 2ltr injected BMW!

Do you actually know what fuel injection is? Every car made in the last 25 years is “injected” and there’s no reason whatsoever that an inexperienced driver shouldn’t drive a small engined BMW, they’re not exactly powerful or fast and in fact would be much better and safer on the motorway than a micra!

He can't learn to navigate motorways unless he drives on them and even then it has to be a lot. This will build up his experience.

As long as he texts you when he gets there and when he's on his way home, I don't see the problem but it is your car.

If your car is unsafe to drive then that is a different issue.

It sounds as if your not confident that he can do it, but by passing his driving test, he's legally allowed to. He doesn't have to overtake lorries.

Sometimes you do have to overtake lorries though. Being stuck between two massive artics when you're in a tiny car is bloody scary.

Why do you have to overtake them ibiscuit? There’s no reason to assume that lorry drivers are any worse than other drivers so you can follow behind if you don’t want to overtake.

I’d be very surprised if the car wouldn’t be capable of getting past a lorry given a suitable gap in traffic.

Maybe it's not a need exactly, but it's a horrible position to be in.

Regardless, a car needs enough oomph to get out of certain situations, especially if it's small and therefore less visible to other motorists. On the motorway that oomph needs to be greater than in the city.

Can people really not get that a car can be fine for pootling about town and short A road journeys, but shit on motorways

No. I really can't 'get' that. A car is either roadworthy or it is not.

Would you feel safer in an old 1lt Micra, or a 5 year old BMW?

I would feel safer in the car that had been maintained properly. Now if that was the 1 litre Micra, then so be it.

I don't get the fascination people have with engine size. Small engines cars can be nippy as fuck.

I have a 1.6 medium sized car and a bigger 2.0 car. Smaller engine is as good at pulling away from junctions and getting speed up as the bigger car. It's all relative.

Engine size is shorthand for power, but yes especially in new cars tiny engines can have a lot of poke. Op's car isn't new though.

Engine size is shorthand for power

Thanks but I do understand how these things work.

The main point here is that the car isn't roadworthy. It hasn't been maintained properly. It should not be on ANY road. People that don't service their cars put the safety of themselves and others at risk.

The fact that the car is a small engines vehicle is irrelevant. The car is not a motorway prohibited vehicle. There is a reason we are allowed to take cars of all engine sizes on to motorways. Because it is totally fine and they have adequate power to be driven on such roads.

This thread is bringing up happy memories of my first car, a Cinquecento with an 899cc engine. Never had a problem overtaking lorries on the motorway - you don't need to be doing 80mph for that, given they usually do about 60. The steering column vibrated a lot when I got over 57mph, but that didn't mean it was impossible to go over 57mph. IIRC the theoretical top speed was 82mph, but my ex drove it faster than that a few times. Tbf it did take about 20 minutes to drive up Chunnal Hill near Glossop, second gear all the way . And you did feel like you were in a cardboard box on wheels. The Micra I had after that was positively turbo charged luxury in comparison!

What would worry me here is the total lack of motorway driving experience. My dad insisted I took a motorway driving lesson before I was allowed to use his car, which I think was very sensible. I'm just now realising how brave he was letting me go off in his absolute pride and joy and biting his tongue to avoid giving advice, bless him. Especially when I woke him to say I'd pranged it, he was very restrained!

I don't get the fascination people have with engine size. Small engines cars can be nippy as fuck.

Generally, small = slow although the modern trend for downsizing is producing some genuinely powerful small engines, a wide choice of 2 litres producing 3-400bhp

Generally, small = slow although the modern trend for downsizing is producing some genuinely powerful small engines, a wide choice of 2 litres producing 3-400bhp

Again, I understand engine power/size.

The point is we have no cars in the uk which are prohibited from driving on the motorway due to engine size. People seem to get worked up about this crap when realistically ALL cars should have the capability. It's an absolute cop out to say the OP car is not suitable for motorway driving. The truth is she hasn't looked after it, which means it's potentially dangerous and should t be on ANY road.

70 on a motorway is a speed limit, not a target. There is no minimum speed on a motorway. This just keeps getting worse. He's promised other people a lift so you're screwing up their weekend too.