To be absolutely devastated/disgusted by this?

[fulltimeworkingmotherof4]

My little sister died 8 months ago. She was 33. I’ve posted before about her DH moving on quickly, but I’ve just found out he’s having a baby with his new gf, they’ve been together 6 months and she’s 2 months pregnant. It was announced on social media and of course me and my family were blocked from seeing it but word soon gets around.
I’m still massively struggling with loosing her, even tho she suffered from a long term illness. I never expected him to be on his own forever but I feel this takes the piss. AIBU to not be impressed?
He’s totally cut our family out of his life including my DN (my sisters son) he’s not his bio dad but was a big part of his life. He’s 10 and has all our love, lives with his bio dad but how can you just do that? When she died he said he’d still see him etc but literally nothing. He was on dating sites 2 weeks after her funeral. I’m just so angry 😡

Roomba
I'm appalled at how he's treated his stepson.

We don't know the ins and outs of this, it could be that the child's father is not allowing him to see his stepson.

would you be so judgemental if they had simply broken up and went their seperate ways? (i bloody doubt it)

Completely different.

Its also the way they go about it. My DF was on dating sites in his 70s and can't stop telling everyone he bumps into about his "lady friend' , I had people I barely knew tell me before he did. I accept it's nice to have someone to go out with for a meal, drinks, days out but he seems to want a replacement and wants us all to treat her like my DM. At the same time he has stopped all interest in us and his GC. Not once has he asked how I feel. I was so close to my DM and miss her so much every day.

From my Psychologist sister: women morn, men replace. So I'm left wondering if my mother was actually a man, on the other hand your sister might be talking rubbish.

I just find the women that embark on a relationship with a recently widowed man a bit crazy really. I’d run for the hills.

Yes...i dont get those who go for recently widowed...odd. I guess some people like to look after others.

My best mate's mum went after my dad after my mum died. I am happy for them now but at the time it hurt. They certainly didnt consider my feelings but then you dont really have a leg to stand on do you?

It did make me think less of them as a result.

Dad came to the graveyard with sis and i after he'd been with his gf for a while. We bought nuce flowers...he had bought a load of manky sticks from his garden.

We were so pissed off and it would have been better if he hadnt bothered coming at all tbh.

Grief affects ple in so many different ways
Is there rules "what to do or not to do" " what to accept not to accept "
I lost my sister ( took her own life)
doesn't get any easier
This has ripped my family apart of course this also adds to the hurt/pain!
Still fighting/arguments (2 years on) etc
All this is not going to bring her back and this makes me live with so much sadness
For me I just want everyone to love each other, be kind also be there for each other.

Yes...i dont get those who go for recently widowed...odd
It's odd if you ONLY go for recently widowed reminds me of the Kinsella book but why couldn't you fall for someone who happens to be recently widowed?

To be clear by nephews Dad hasn’t stopped him seeing his step son. He’s chosen to keep is distance. When my sister died he was even talking about getting a tattoo of his name! He’s completely cut us off with no reason, like i said I don’t know how he feels deep down and he is entitled to move on. It just hurts me a bit that’s all. There’s no right and wrong with grief. It’s interesting to see other people’s opinions and stories.

But why would you actively make a play for someone who has been recently widowed?

But why would you actively make a play for someone who has been recently widowed?

You can’t who you fall in love with.
I would think the same until I became widow. You can not know.

why wouldn't you? You can click with someone immediately, and life is short. It's risky, you might feel you are in a competition you can never win, or you might just be happy, who knows.

It would be horribly wrong if the other half was terminally ill, but once people are gone, it's best to move on. Not everybody can, it's very hard, but I wouldn't judge anyone who deals with the loss the best they can.

For a start I'd be wary that their intentions weren't right, were they viewing me as a replacement, are they ready emotionally ? I wouldn't want to be part of that and get hurt.

Is being kind dropping your family including grieving DC and GC for your new gf?

as for the post about they should dedicate themselves to family or they are selfish, I think that its the other way round.

Agree. Widowed mother should have a life, not sit around being on call to babysit the DGC.

She would have devoted her time to her family and friends.

Is this the line you are referring to. Read it again.

MsHarry

I have read the line several times, and can't see why she should have to devote her time to others.

Where in your line is the time she gets to devote to herself?
Does she not have the right to time devoted for what she wants and not be subservient to the wants of others.

I was talking about this to my DP this morning because two years ago I was very seriously ill and very nearly died. We’ve had light-hearted conversations since then about how quickly I think he might have found someone else but never really serious discussions. Anyway, it turns out that while I was on the ICU and they weren’t yet sure whether I would pull through, although were obviously still hopeful that I would, a work colleague came up to him and told him how it was ok for him to move on and find someone new as soon as he felt it was right, and how it’s really common for men to move on soon after a partner’s death. And I wasn’t even dead yet. .

Local pastor here married 5 days after his wife's death. He married the friend they brought in to help care for her during her cancer battle. Said it's what she would've wanted.

Course she would've you sneaky shit!

It's dreadful.

Local pastor here married 5 days after his wife's death
that's pushing it! Starting a relationship whilst your partner is dying can't be right on any level.

I don't think he's done anything wrong.

I understand OP and her families hurt. Grief is awful.

But I don't thinks he's guilty of anything.

My best friend lost her DH to cancer. He was ill for a very short time and they married the day he died. Inside a month she had moved in with her new DP. I kept my head down and mouth shut and waited for the crash; she moved from him to her next DH with an overlap and then left her DH for someone else. We're still friends but there's a definite undercurrent there; she knows I don't like how she behaves, she also knows never to ask me what I think because I'll tell her the truth.

Some people genuinely can't be single. No rhyme or reason; they just don't cope with it.

Yanbu, it's disgraceful

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, but I think you are being very unreasonable. I have known quite a few people to move on quickly after the death of a husband or wife and I don't think you have any right to judge him. How could you possibly know what he is going through? Some people when they lose their partner suddenly feel an urge to live. It's all part of coping. And to expect someone to conform to your idea of a reasonable grieving process is completely wrong and selfish.