To tell these performance parents ...

[pieceofpurplesky]

To shut the fuck up?
In A&E with DS waiting for X-ray results with two very vocal performing parents.
'Look Livvy the book has a chicken. What does a chicken say Livvy'
'Oh Livvy you are so clever'
'Livvy look at the nice nurse. What does a nurse do Livvy?'.
'Stop walking away Livvy, I am reading a story. You need to listen Livvy it's a good story'
And on and on and on

All poor Livvy wants to do is bash a toy car on a table and play with a teapot.

Gosh - well this lighthearted thread has gone well!

Sometimes I don’t think people realise that everyone can hear them. I remember being somewhere - an airport I think, with my bored toddler reading a book to keep him entertained. I got a bit of a shock when I looked up mid story to see that three other kiddies had joined us on the floor to hear the story too!

User I know very well what being in hospital with a small child is. I have never had to put on a performance for other parents though.
It was most definitely a show for us poor people to listen to. From the chicken pointing to the Florida holiday.

God I hate the term PP. Just another stick to beat people with.

Its just people interacting with their kids. Would you prefer if they plugged them into peppa pig and ignored them? No, you'd judge the fuck out of that too.

I remember being somewhere - an airport I think, with my bored toddler reading a book to keep him entertained. I got a bit of a shock when I looked up mid story to see that three other kiddies had joined us on the floor to hear the story too!

That happened to me in a book shop. And then my DS got bored and wandered off, so I was left entertaining these two random strangers.

pieceofpurplesky ok so it sounds like they were of the genuinely annoying end of the spectrum rather than the desperate ‘oh shit how do I keep my kid amused?’ end of the spectrum.

If you want really good performance parenting you need to go to the Tate modern. It’s a sight to behold.

Tbh, I just find it extremely hard to believe that a stressed mum in A&E gives a stuff what other people think about her parenting. She must have so much else on her mind. I sometimes feel that posters on MN think they're so important that other people must be so concerned about impressing them.

That's not to say that a parent reading in a loud voice to their child wouldn't be annoying, they ought to be more considerate. That's a separate issue.

I haven't been to the Tate Modern, but I can't imagine wanting to go there with young children!!

@chocolatestrawberries my language? Are you offended by 'shut the fuck up' or something else. If the former I suggest you leave mumsnet!

With regards to the poster who has a post-grad, presumably as a result of PP
My parents are both working class, neither had a clue about school work and wouldn’t have dreamed of pushing things onto us. The 4 of us are successful (teaching, music producer, artist & PHD in Maths) and I have a toddler; I wouldn’t dream of being a pushy parent. It’s just egotistical, attention-seeking behaviour. Yawn.

And once again it was not just a stressed mum but two parents. A Mum and a Dad both showing off.
Read the comments

Actually @Lizzie48 my son loved the Tate gallery as a younger child (wouldn't be seen dead in it now).
But I never had to say how clever he was for enjoying it. He loved all manner of museums

There is a huge difference though.
Performance parents actively seek an audience.
I talked to mine all the time when they were little. It was like a little fuckin running commentary.
I was quiet, not looking for any audience other than my child's.
None of them went to nursery or pre school and it was just one of the ways I socialised them.
The whole of society didn't know every nanosecond of my life because I didn't spout about it, in a loud voice, as though I owned sound level. It was something private between me and my child.
I think it may help to encourage listening skills, but I'm no expert.

There's a huge difference between taking to your dc whilst out and loudly showing off or taking over the place with a big production. I hate people who have no regard for other people and it's not just parents btw. I hate people yammering down there phone etc too

Good ol Bernard that's all I say.
Doctors surgery this week. PP forcing her dd to drink the water from the cooler
"That's right Harmony water. H2o yummy yummy"
To which Harmony replied
" froooooooottttt shhhhhoooooottttt mmmmuummmmmyyyy"
Pulled one out of the Kath Kitson bag and suckled down like a newborn at a nipple.
Shoulders shaking like a shitting whippet

" MiniLois, why don't you count all the red things in the waiting room?" -fine

"MIINI LOISSSSS REMEMBER THAT TIME YOU INVENTED THE WHEEL? YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND YOU ALSO SPEAK JAPANESE DON'T YOU?" - Not fine. Case closed. Your welcome. Now off to bed everyone. YOU HAVE A GOURMET BREAKFAST TO LOVINGLY MAKE YOUR FAMILY IN THE MORNING.

I agree about the huge difference, it's intent.
Taking my dc out and about they were always bemused by the loud shouty performance parents. One of them did ask why that Lady was shouting the topic of conversation was often nothing to do with the venue either.

I remember being somewhere - an airport I think, with my bored toddler reading a book to keep him entertained. I got a bit of a shock when I looked up mid story to see that three other kiddies had joined us on the floor to hear the story too!
Can't recall where but granddaughter said she found some maths hard so as we had time to kill I went over it with her, finished up with three others asking me about their problems!

@Notthenameiwant
"Shoulders shaking like a shitting whippet"

You have made my night. Possibly my week. That is brilliant.

And for all those defending the PPers against the OP - it is quite likely you are those PPers, or possibly terminally unobservant. Jeez, it's a very recognisable phenomenon and distinct from 'normal' parent-child interaction and fucking annoying.

Oh god, these parents are the worst, although I feel sorry for them that they so clearly need the validation of strangers, otherwise, why would they bray so much about their clever dc? Saying that, I have a friend who is pretty hard of hearing and consequently speaks loudly. We had our dc at the same time and most folk within half a mile could hear her tell the dc off. Being good Scottish working class, it was a sound to behold

Any theories on the motivation behind performance parenting? The descriptions here all sound like people who are desperately insecure- it seems a little harsh to deride them for that.

When siblings & I were all very young, our mum used to take the three of us on the train up to Scotland from Norfolk. My mum, being the type of parent I can only aspire to being, always had a full picnic basket of food, various travel board games, toys, and books. I have very fond memories of those journeys.

Apart from the one time when our table was next to another mum with similarly aged kids, who was flailingly performance parenting and pointing out 'Look, Jemima, there's a classic pattern of acid rain erosion on the station there! Where else have we seen acid rain erosion?' 'and this is a classic example of what is called X in geography'

Her kids looked over at us, playing travel Ludo/Connect4/combing Barbie hair and asked if they could join us. PP Mum folded her arms, and huffed 'well, if you don't want to look at the north escarpment...' and shot my mum a deathglare.

Mum - god, I wish I was her - smiled sweetly & said 'There are so many ways of learning.' And then kept six under 10s entertained for about three hours, on a train.

I worship at her feet.

Experienced this loads of times but by far the hotbed for spotting a PP in full flow is a National Trust cafe.

RAPHAELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. (Screeched as a starter to every sentence).

This parent did not draw breath in their monologue for fifteen minutes. Questions were fired offering no opportunity for response as she discussed the origin of food on offer/ choice he had an what darling child would not be venturing to eat. I turned around expecting to see a seven year old and it was a toddler whirling around looking out of his mind with a tedium overload.

You could hear this fucker projecting her age inappropriate offerings on the other side of this cafe.

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

What a load of shit.

OP and all those complaining about performance parenting, you do realise that talking/ reading to your children is a Good Thing? And sneering at people putting some effort into parenting isn’t going to make ignoring your children acceptable?

I don't have children but can totally spot this myself. You hear parents talking and interacting with their kids all the time at different volumes. I don't think this bothers anyone. You just know when it is a performance, it triggers an inadvertent cringe. Makes you feel embarrassed.

I think it something innate (in most people at least) that can tell when something is not completely sincere or real, that it is an act. Just like you can always distinguish acting on the TV or in a film to real life behaviour. You just know. Pretty much anyone can tell the difference between a drama and a documentary.

It is not just PP either - it happens in all contexts of life. When people are putting on a performance or an act, you can just tell.