To tell these performance parents ...

[pieceofpurplesky]

To shut the fuck up?
In A&E with DS waiting for X-ray results with two very vocal performing parents.
'Look Livvy the book has a chicken. What does a chicken say Livvy'
'Oh Livvy you are so clever'
'Livvy look at the nice nurse. What does a nurse do Livvy?'.
'Stop walking away Livvy, I am reading a story. You need to listen Livvy it's a good story'
And on and on and on

All poor Livvy wants to do is bash a toy car on a table and play with a teapot.

Ah ~ so there is a name for it?
Yesterday we all suffered from a loud woman literally yelling into her child’s ear (she picked her up to do it) about a painting/something on the wall of a chapel at a National Trust Property. Totally drowned out the guide who was taking quietly to a couple of visitors, and everybody turned to look and eye roll at the performer. Kid totally disinterested and what was said was clearly for the benefit of everybody else, not the kid.
She cleared the room effortlessly

Hmm Glo no crisis to be seen as we already know about their recent holiday to Florida and Daddy's new Audi and the expensive surprise he has for his wife for Valentine's Day ....

Shouting that lot out in a&e could definitely mean there is a crisis of some sort. Embarrassment/self awareness would stop most people.

I can’t stand pp either.

Not sure about PP (maybe they are looking around because they are embarrassed?) but I did enjoy being at an art exhibition where a mother asked her daughter "What do you think the artist is trying to say here?" And roughly 8/9 year old said "nothing, it's all just total rubbish". The mother looked mortified but as far as I could tell the child was the best art critic there as I thought it was a load of crap too.

Not at all grossly exaggerated Lizzy I can assure you. And it wasn't just reading or talking to the child. There were other children in there that were being read to etc. who weren't being told how clever they were every second of the day (along with kids on iPhones to the pp that mentioned it).
I would not mind a kid bashing something and playing pretend tea with other kids as they would be playing. This was totally performance parenting and not standard parenting. It was a small room, 12 chairs with a tiny annex with toys in it. They were very annoying parents who talked at their child about how clever she would be if she read a book with them and how she was intelligent because she could point at a person in a book. Interspersed with boasty holiday/perfect family chat. I deal with parents and children all the time. I really know the difference.

@FlyTipper would you like to explain exactly what you mean by that? My head screwed on?

And @WonderLime no drip feed at all.

I don't think my 14 year old would have appreciated it who he was mortified enough at having to wait in the kids area for his results!

I didn't know what performance parenting was until one day in McDonald's (strange place I know for pp) a woman said very loudly to her child aged about 6, "So how do you spell onomatopoeia darling?"

The child must have been on a cultural visit to MaccyD's.

If you saw me out and about I'm sure you'd class me as a 'performance parent' as you put it.

The thing is, my child is just 4 and has been deaf for 3 years, shes has had access to sound for 4 weeks now so I have to detail everything, all day every day. Colours, feelings, objects, activities, movements, touch, repeating her name as often as I can, commenting on everything and everyone who catches her attention. It's the only way I can help her learn her second language (sign is obv her first).

So maybe spare a thought that some parents who you openly judge, who talk until they want to rip out their own tongue, do so because their child needs it more than most.

Well, I'm sorry but I remain unconvinced that there are as many performance parenters IRL as mumsnetters would have us believe. I'm sure there are annoying parents around but I've certainly never seen behaviour remotely like that described on these threads.

But then I tend to concentrate on the people I'm actually there with. And I'm more concerned with my own children's behaviour.

And no I'm not a performance parenter, I hate drawing attention to myself in any way.

Last time I was in A&E, there was a 4-year-old girl being ignored by her mother who was playing a game on her phone, so quite the opposite to PP.

Girl was wearing a 'Future Wag' t-shirt which I thought was a nice touch.

pieceofpurplesky seems exaggerated that's all.

Jesus. Can't we even read to our kids without being judged? In 16 years of being a parent I've never seen a performance parent. Ffs it's a simple thing that most kids enjoy, surely you could have just ignored it??

Or is this some weird joke?

@Lizzie48 remain as unconvinced as you like. You weren't there.

Meh. Really can't get wound up about a child reading to their kid in a hospital. If it makes you feel shit then that's on you

*parent not child

We had one in Waitrose cafe the other day?!!! " Let's count all the yellow card Freya? You are such a clever counter... Freya how is your cupcake??? It nice to have a special cupcake after our walk....Freya don't put your hand in the water...it's silly .... Freya don't please .... Freya if you get wet I don't have a change of clothes for you!!( It's a tiny cup of water! )
Leave the bloody water Freya!!! ....now Freya let's count all the cars with more than 2 people in them!!!!

Freya was totally and utterly fucked off with her mum and I wanted to kick her up the arse as I was having a sneaky tasted sandwich without my kids and without any fucking counting!!!!

Honestly I started this thread as a comment on something I saw in a&e. No exaggeration, no lies, no trollery. PP happens and if you think it doesn't I would perhaps suggest you haven't seen it in the full glory that I witnessed today.
I totally understand that some children have issues that need louder parenting etc. I am a teacher with lots of expertise of SEND so am fully aware.
I did not witness a couple reading to their child. I witnessed a couple showing off to the other parents there about how much cleverer their child was. 'Livvy' was an average little girl who just wanted to play with the others. Her parents wanted to show the other families something completely different. They were irritating and annoying to all in the room. All the other parents were either reading quietly, playing with or watching their children play.

I feel sorry for that mum, @IceBearRocks sounds like she was a little bit stressed actually, not PP. I never took my DDs it cafes without another adult when they were toddlers (apart from at soft play). Far too stressful when it was so much easier to have lunch at home and then go out.

If that's what was said it's not showing off. IMO. Maybe they just have loud voices and it feels like performance parenting?

The thing is, if she hadn't been keeping her child entertained in the way she was, it would have been an iPad, which someone would have thought was baaaaaaaad. Or letting the kid run around screeching, which someone else would have thought was baaaaaaaad.

I think accusations of performance parenting are just another stick to beat mothers with.

Lizzie I think I have read one thread on PP previously. I wasn't hoping for any response really was just incredibly bored and thought I would share it - as others have shared their PP stories on here.
Mumsnet is changing so much these days.

That’s normal, reasonable behaviour to me.

My parents and DH’s were like this with us throughout our childhoods, and my DH and I are like it with our DD. Both DH and I have Postgraduate qualifications, so perhaps this parenting style works after all. We believe it does, hence why we do it - it just comes naturally to us.