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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Valentine gift not even a card.

456 replies

lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 13:19

Me again. At Christmas you were all kind enough to reply when my DH have me chutney for Christmas. Today he said he realised he hadn't got me anything, so did I want to go to the cinema tonight instead? Only it'll have to be this afternoon because he needs an early night before work tomorrow. I've got him a card and a Yoga mat I know he really wanted. I even went out in the rain and carried it back from cliick and collect. I am so sick of his disrespect. AIBU?

OP posts:
alotalotalot · 13/02/2018 13:46

Tell him he'd better go out and get something good or you will be really hurt after the xmas fiasco. Just tell him. If he doesn't react positively then LTB - seriously as he just doesn't care about you.

TheAntiBoop · 13/02/2018 13:46

What did he say when you told him his Christmas present choices were shit?

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/02/2018 13:47

But if he's buying gifts because the OP tells him to, or she buys things for herself, what's the point?

Unless the sentiment of him going out and choosing something for the OP is there, it means nothing and he might as well not bother.

HollyBayTree · 13/02/2018 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 13:49

Why is it these men who don't want to engage with gift giving never tell their partner 'Thanks so much for the gift, darling, but please don't feel the need to buy for me, I really don't need anything.'

They always talk quite happily and never give, or give shit presents.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/02/2018 13:49

Lol. If he bought me something for venereal disease I’d be even more concerned. Since he only leaves for work and has an all male workforce.

RosyPrimroseface · 13/02/2018 13:51

is an engraged plectrum one with an angry message carved on it?

Grin
CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 13:51

OP - I've got a bucket of grips - would you like to choose one? Seriously, you sound about 12 years old. I despair I really do.

So Holly, seriously, you're quite happy to give thoughtful presents to your husband and only get shit stuff back? You sound remarkably and unusually tolerant, your DH is lucky to have you.

SweetMoon · 13/02/2018 13:52

Is he generally a knob or just crap at choosing presents? Was it nice chutney at christmas, like a nice set or just a random jar from the supermarket?

I mean is he loving in every other sense of the word but just really shit at presents?

kaitlinktm · 13/02/2018 13:52

The cinema visit is a present for both of you, not just for you.

I am surprised you bought him anything after the Christmas chutney. I would put that mat away somewhere (or return it) and see what turns up for your birthday. If his birthday is before, then you can give him the mat then if you like.

Otherwise, I really wouldn't bother with presents for him - either he doesn't think they are important, or more likely he doesn't think yours are important, only his. I would be very interested to know his reaction to getting nothing (or a chutney equivalent).

Original poster
lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 13:52

I didn't tell him I hated the Christmas gifts. I even smiled bravely when my sister in law arrived wearing a brand new Radley watch.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 13/02/2018 13:52

Take the yoga mat back, get yourself something with the money. He's never going to get it unless you make a huge fuss, which I don't think you will, so drop the rope.

DeputyBrennan · 13/02/2018 13:53

It’s not disrespectful to not ‘do’ Valentine’s Day. Tell him firmly that you have expectations he’s not meeting, if it means that much to you, but maybe he just thinks VD is a load of rubbish.

Your Christmas presents were definitely shit, though. I don’t expect anything super fancy for Christmas or birthdays, but I’d rather my fiancé gave me nothing at all that some food I didn’t even like.

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 13:53

OP - I've got a bucket of grips - would you like to choose one? Seriously, you sound about 12 years old. I despair I really do.

So you've not learned anything from your previous thread.

What are you hoping to get from this thread, OP?

alotalotalot · 13/02/2018 13:54

If you didn't tell him then he's not a mind reader. You need an honest conversation.

amusedbush · 13/02/2018 13:55

I've not even considered buying DH a card for Valentines, let alone a present!

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 13:55

Sorry C&P didn't work.

I didn't tell him I hated the Christmas gifts. I even smiled bravely when my sister in law arrived wearing a brand new Radley watch

So you've not learned anything from your previous thread.

What are you hoping to get from this thread, OP?

GrannyGrissle · 13/02/2018 13:55

Extremely vulgar and foul but I'd be tempted to fill his empty chutney jar with something brown which certainly isn't chutney and gift that to the tight fucker. Grin

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/02/2018 13:56

If something matters to the OP then he ought to care enough about her feelings to make an effort. I don't give a shit whether he thinks it's all commercialised shite - if he is happy to accept the OP's thoughtful gifts at Christmas and birthdays and yes, Valentine's day, then he bloody well ought to reciprocate. Anyyhing else is just lazy and wrong!

He takes you for granted, makes no effort to acknowledge your feelings. Why are you still there?

TheAntiBoop · 13/02/2018 13:56

If you didn't tell him they were shit and pretended you liked them then what do you expect. Sounds like you enjoy being a martyr tbh

He's not a mind reader. Just tell him

TheAntiBoop · 13/02/2018 13:57

He doesn't know it matters to the op as she hasn't actually told him

How long have you been together?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 13/02/2018 13:58

Just x posted with you OP. Why did you not kick off about his shite behaviour at Christmas? You might as well have doormat stamped on your head!

TheViceOfReason · 13/02/2018 13:58

Valentines day is the biggest load of crap out. Either someone shows you they love and care for you EVERY DAY or not at all.

Buying a £3 card and a box of chocolates of overpriced bunch of supermarket flowers once a year does not demonstrate love.

My personal opinion is that generally couples who go OTT on v-day, or those who are devastated when they don't get a gift are those who are in relationships which are struggling and insecure.

Every year my boss gets the office manager to order a super expensive bunch of flowers for his wife - which are immediately put on FB by her amid much cutesy crap. I'd personally rather he wasn't such a moan the other 364 days of the year.

I know my DH loves me - he's always there for me, gets up before the crack of dawn in all weathers to help me with the horses, and takes parcels to the post office when i can't be arsed. That's love. Not £30 of half dead roses, cheap chocolate and a garish card.

BaronessBomburst · 13/02/2018 13:58

Why did you buy him a yoga mat?
Because it was Valentine's Day and you felt that you ought to get him something?
To be frank, after Christmas, why did you bother?

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 14:00

TheViceOfReason

It's not really about VD, it's a continuing theme of OP's marriage.

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