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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Valentine gift not even a card.

456 replies

lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 13:19

Me again. At Christmas you were all kind enough to reply when my DH have me chutney for Christmas. Today he said he realised he hadn't got me anything, so did I want to go to the cinema tonight instead? Only it'll have to be this afternoon because he needs an early night before work tomorrow. I've got him a card and a Yoga mat I know he really wanted. I even went out in the rain and carried it back from cliick and collect. I am so sick of his disrespect. AIBU?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 13/02/2018 14:32

A yoga mat for V day? Confused

Original poster
lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 14:34

Well he has got work on the actual day so we discussed that and I'd agreed to do a trip. London to visit our eldest daughter as she's free that day. My plan was to leave the card and gift in the morning before getting on the train. He's planning a trip to see his mum for her birthday a driver of over 300 miles. I thought he'd at least have got me a flower but no. Hence the half hearted offer of a trip to the cinema which he has now decided it's too late for.

OP posts:
CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 14:35

A yoga mat for V day? confused

What's wrong with a yoga mat? OP noticed he needed one and got it. Much more thoughtful than a box of chocolates or a teddy bear or whatever the clichéd present is for VD.

AMumma16 · 13/02/2018 14:38

Valentine's Day is a bit over rated. It's how someone treats you all year round that matters. It seems maybe a good chat about what you want and need from your relationship is in order so that you're on the same page.
I say treat yourself to a Valentine's gift tomorrow. x

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/02/2018 14:39

You didn't want to go to the cinema.

HollyBayTree · 13/02/2018 14:39

CHEERY

So Holly, seriously, you're quite happy to give thoughtful presents to your husband and only get shit stuff back? You sound remarkably and unusually tolerant, your DH is lucky to have you.

My DH and I , with nigh on 30 years under our belts, never bought into Hallmark Appreciation Day and have never gone for the gestured gift giving bolleux that so many set store by. I'm more than happy with a gainfully employed DH, who comes home every night with a kiss and a 'shall I cook or will you' and a 'I'll do the dish washer if you run the hoover round' and a 'do the kids need picking up' you see, thats love, and respect and dignity - not a bloody yoga mat and some breast smoting about a card.

When you get to where we are - you can have an opinion love. It's the little things in life - not Hallmark.

Bluelady · 13/02/2018 14:39

My husband's ex's birthday is tomorrow. We ignore it by mutual consent because she made such a production about having TWO presents and cards and flowers. I'd love a trip to the cinema, I really want to see Darkest Hour.

crashbangwhallop · 13/02/2018 14:39

please take the yoga mat back now and tell him "since you can't be bothered to make an effort with my gifts I'm no longer making an effort for you" That's what I've said to my DP. It seems to work really well for us. I don't have to worry about finding him something for his birthday etc. The birthday after I said this he suddenly took me out to a naice hotel and paid for expensive spa treatments and cocktails. He's got it in him. He just needed a boot up his bum.

speakout · 13/02/2018 14:42

I'd be embarrassed to give or receive a Valentine's card or gift from my OH.
All so schmaltzy and mawkish, sugary and fake.
Even looking at Valentine's cards in the supermarket - sickly pictures of teddy bears holding roses- gives me the heave.

crashbangwhallop · 13/02/2018 14:42

but to be honest I don't really bother with valentines day. We can't really afford to be gift giving every single holiday and birthday.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/02/2018 14:42

So tell him cinema is fine, you'll jist do it at the weekend or whatever.

Tickets- £9 each
Glass of wine -£4
Hot dog - £3
Big bag of popcorn - £4

That's a minimum guestimate. Once he has his ticket and drink etc to the cheesiest rom com you can find, he might wish he'd brought chocolates.

As you won't do that, take it back and on way home grab a small box of chocolates at most. Spend the yoga mat money on something nice

HumphreyCobblers · 13/02/2018 14:46

Really OP, buy him some chutney as a pp suggested.

Get it from Happy Shopper if at all possible.

He KNOWS this stuff is important to you and he still doesn't bother.

And I am very happy in my marriage and we still exchange valentines gifts to whoever said that it is a sign of a struggling relationship.

TallyBram · 13/02/2018 14:47

where is my post?

speakout · 13/02/2018 14:48

holly- I agree.

"Hallmark appreciation day"- love it.

All seems so forced, like your OH and I show appreciation every day.
OH will scrape my car on a frosty morning before doing his, even though he is in a rush for work.
He will get up at 3am to get me a glass of water- and not complain. He does hundreds of loving things that make me feel far more appreciated than buying some crap on Valentin'es day.

Butterymuffin · 13/02/2018 14:48

DO NOT GIVE HIM THE MOTHERFUCKING YOGA MAT. Yes, I'm shouting. If you do, there's no hope of resolving this. He does not get to have presents when he refuses to reciprocate.

I didn't tell him I hated the Christmas gifts.

Frankly, you've not helped yourself at all. I remember the chutney thread. Do you want to be posting this same thread in ten months? Stop letting it all go on now. Do what crash says just above.

alotalotalot · 13/02/2018 14:50

Personally, i don't care about valentine's day BUT if I had a partner who did, I would make an effort FOR THEM.

That's about the crux of it. He doesn't actually know that she is upset about her gifts.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 13/02/2018 14:53

Is the gift thing the only gripe you have about him? If so then I would simply stop buying for him and use the money towards yourself.

My and my DP don’t do Valentine’s Day or anniversaries mainly due to him (and sometimes me) forgetting. I do tell him everyday that I expect something for my birthday and for Christmas (not big gifts - homemade card from our daughter will be fab) but I won’t accept him not doing anything. I then remind him that it’s coming up. It works for us. Maybe you could try similar?

Did your brother buy SIL the radley watch? I was confused as to who bought it

Haudyerwheesht · 13/02/2018 14:53

Are you always such a martyr?

kubex · 13/02/2018 14:53

To be honest OP, i think you sound very grabby! And i would much rather have an afternoon at the cinema than a bloody Yoga mat anyways!

If you're in a happy, loving relationship, none of these things matter!

My DP is the kindest, most thoughtful, loving person I have ever met. He makes me feel loved and appreciated every single day.

I would bet every single penny I have that he hasn't got me anything at all for Valentines day, nor did I get anything for Christmas. And I couldn't care less!

As it happens, I've spent a fortune on him for Valentines this year - he has a very expensive hobby and a piece of equipment he's been lusting after for AGES was half price in a one day sale last week, so I popped in and bought it.

Had the same thing happened on some random day in May, I would have done the same. He deserves it and i can't wait to see his face when I give him it! Smile

CherryMaDeary · 13/02/2018 14:56

This reply has been deleted

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Chugalug · 13/02/2018 14:59

That's nice,a romantic cinema date..lucky you 😃

teabag20048 · 13/02/2018 14:59

I agree take the yoga mat back and buy yourself something nice with the money.

teaandtoast · 13/02/2018 14:59

The hate for Valentine's Day really surprises me. Dh and I get each other something and go out for a meal.
And guess what, we're still nice to each other the rest of the year as well! Shock

Op, in your situation, I wouldn't bought anything.

teaandtoast · 13/02/2018 14:59

have bought anything

timeisnotaline · 13/02/2018 14:59

But but but YOU HAVENT TOLD HIM. You didn’t tell him at Christmas , you haven’t told him today , you won’t tell him on your birthday, and roll on next Christmas for another ‘brave smile’ to hide your upset. We were still living at our respective parents in our early 20s when now dh got me a garlic press for Christmas , no card. I said how upset I was with this disappointing gift and the least he could bloody do was add a card, it takes a few minutes and i think I’m worth that. And it never happened again. Tell him, keep the yoga mat, have a great day, explain if your birthday doesn’t get as much effort as his mums then he can go live with her. Or.. bravely smile at your awful gift. Sigh.