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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Valentine gift not even a card.

456 replies

lilypoppet · 13/02/2018 13:19

Me again. At Christmas you were all kind enough to reply when my DH have me chutney for Christmas. Today he said he realised he hadn't got me anything, so did I want to go to the cinema tonight instead? Only it'll have to be this afternoon because he needs an early night before work tomorrow. I've got him a card and a Yoga mat I know he really wanted. I even went out in the rain and carried it back from cliick and collect. I am so sick of his disrespect. AIBU?

OP posts:
Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 14/02/2018 11:52

OP. You are just not listening to anything that people are saying to you on this thread. Now your whinging about your friends roses!!.
You need to get a life! Jesus Wept! 🤔

elisenbrunnen · 14/02/2018 11:56

As a PP put it, the demand to have cards/roses/chocs/expensive jewellery on specific dates has the effect of negating the rest of the tiny, meaningful gestures.

If he was thoughtful, attentive, kind, generous with his time and effort, then a demand for a V-day gesture just makes me think 'fuck you then. I'll stop with the garage forecourt flowers, the bottle of your favourite wine/beer, the backrub if you are feeling stressed...' because the meaningful gets lost in all the commercialism.

Butit sounds like the Dh is not thoughtful the rest of the time either. So just move on, OP. You wont change him.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 14/02/2018 11:59

Morning OP. Happy Valentine's Day! Still no word on the half a dozen requests to give some long term context to your relationship? Never mind eh?

Quite.

How Is Your Relationship In General OP?

MyKingdomForBrie · 14/02/2018 11:59

Still don’t see why people have to lay into OP. Comparisons won’t help you though OP. He could be horrible to her behind closed doors or anything. It’s not about gestures on a day it’s about how he treats you day to day.

HateTheDF · 14/02/2018 12:00

Like PP have said. This must be a joke, especially with all the one liners and not actually replying to anything anyone has said.

OP has no interest in listening or trying to talk through anything. Just wind up everyone little bit more ever so often.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 14/02/2018 12:06

How is the relationship in general, OP? Grin

Just thought I'd join in with the other 76 people who've asked...

NotASingleFuckToGive · 14/02/2018 12:11

A friend has just posted on Instagram a huge bouquet of roses her husband gave her urggggh

Maybe DH knows about his gift already, and he's planning to surprise you later with a Ladyshaver for your hands?

ScarlettsMummyx · 14/02/2018 12:12

It can't just be about presents surely?! You wouldn't get divorced over that
Sorry I've been nosy, but I saw that in 2016 you were considering getting a divorce but in 2017 you posted that we're having a baby. So if you've got two children with this man, you have to communicate with him.

NoSquirrels · 14/02/2018 12:13

NotASingle GrinGrin

ScarlettsMummyx · 14/02/2018 12:13

I do think this is a wind up too though Hmm

Screaminginsideme · 14/02/2018 12:14

Send yourself an anonymous card from a mystery admirer!

DayKay · 14/02/2018 12:23

It must be a wind up. No one is this frustrating in real life.

TheAntiBoop · 14/02/2018 12:27

It sounds like you are looking for an excuse. Just divorce the guy already as you are clearly incapable of communicating with him

ChristmasCakes · 14/02/2018 12:39

Go and get yourself a bunch of roses and thank him for sending them to you. Might as well wind him up a bit. In fact I might do this myself just for fun Grin

Sashkin · 14/02/2018 12:39

When you get to where we are - you can have an opinion love. It's the little things in life - not Hallmark

and

I really dislike gobshites who sit behind a keyboard, giving it the big-i-am to all and sundry

GrinGrinGrin

Thirty years of marriage hasn’t given you much self awareness, has it Holly?

TriniRedVelvet · 14/02/2018 12:51

I mentioned up thread that we don't do v day but do lists for other occasions and have set amounts to spend depending on occasion. We didn't get it that way by magic or by moaning and bitching on a message board. We discussed it. Like grown ups do. DH used to get me flowers every Friday when we were newlyweds. I told him he didn't need to waste money on flowers every week. I haven't had a single flower since GrinGrin
And if its that the marriage is bad what's with the valentines gift malarky. Surely it's targeted for people in love?? And who expects their valentine's day gift the day before?? You are an enigma of oddities OP.

CoffeeOrSleep · 14/02/2018 12:54

The posters saying "some men are crap at buying gifts" are missing the OPs DH is pretty good at buying gifts, or giving up his time to make someone he cares about feel special - just he doesn't bother with the OP.

Telling her the day before Valentines (when he a free afternoon) that he'd got her nothing, but could maybe take her to the cinema - then deciding that it was too late to go - smacks of trying to upset her.

It was the day before, he had time and at least a spare £10/20 to spend on cinema tickets, so could have said nothing but popped to the shops and bought some chocolates for a fiver that looked like effort. He could have said "come on, put your coat on, im taking you out for your Valentines treat to the cinema as we're not together tomorrow".

He chose instead to announce she would be getting nothing. If he had got her a card, that seems even more of a dick move, trying to put her in her place that she was "hard work".

The whole thing seems like he's made effort to upset the op and make her feel bad for wanting effort to show he cares.

Stop telling the op to buy her own chocolates. That's like saying "accept your DH doesn't care about you and work round it".

HelpElsea · 14/02/2018 13:00

You need to have a clear conversation with your DH about what you expect on Valentines day & Xmas etc. If it's that important to you, be honest and if he ignores you or doesn't respond then you know it's not important to him. Then you need to find a way to live with it or without him.
Personally I think Valentine's Day is a whole load of bollocks. I've seen loads of FB posts about parents who have got presents for their kids as well (didn't know this is a thing Hmm). Christmas is another thing people get so worked up over and for what? If you're religious then fair enough but most people just work themselves into a massive stress over one day.

cantsleepclownwilleatme · 14/02/2018 13:01

Wtf is this thread 😂😂😂

In general I am on your side op. Your dh sounds thoughtless and uncaring.

But you are impossible. You don't answer simple questions and you won't simply have a conversation or take action. What is this thread even for? Confused

Baffy · 14/02/2018 13:05

cantsleepclownwilleatme - completely agree! ^^

RealityHasALiberalBias · 14/02/2018 13:16

CoffeeOrSleep

No, in OP's chutney thread she said she chose the nice gifts for MIL etc. Her husband is shite at gifts, and even though she knows this, she still sulks about not getting what she considers to be good ones.

And even though I know that this is a wind up, I am still posting. So who's the real idiot here?

lurkingnotlurking · 14/02/2018 13:19

It's like the Op treats this thread (and the chutney one) as an opportunity to whinge while not reading most of the responses. It's like stream of consciousness.

HarveyKietelRabbit · 14/02/2018 13:37

There was the Christmas 2016 thread about him only spending a tenner too

YouTheCat · 14/02/2018 13:39

But hadn't the only spending a tenner thing been a pre-arranged amount they were going to spend on each other?

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 14/02/2018 13:43

We don’t do any presents for each other. Rather have a cuppa in bed.

Really mistrust romantic types. Would drive me insane all that fawning snd fb nonsense.