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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you take your 12/13 year olds phone away at night?

172 replies

honeylulu · 12/02/2018 20:42

Just that ... parents of 12-13 year olds Do you take your child's phone off then at night?
We take ours off him at 9pm (more like 10 or 10.30pm as we often only remember when we are going to bed). He says no one else's mum and dad do this.
Are we too strict? Or is it usual to allow overnight phone in room at this age?

OP posts:

specialsubject · 15/02/2018 12:27

Who cares what other parents do?

No one should have a phone by the bed unless needed for emergency. Then it should be a landline, not an unreliable brick.

Steamcloud · 15/02/2018 12:34

Self regulation often doesn't work, and when it doesn't, parents need to step up. The bit of the brain that governs impulsivity hasnt properly formed yet in teens. They need help to help themselves!

And anyway, even if your teen can resist the lure of the screen at bedtime, you can bet your bottom dollar someone else's teen will be texting!

ZanyMobster · 15/02/2018 12:56

Steamcloud- you've completely hit the nail on the head IMO.

areyoubeingserviced · 15/02/2018 12:57

Yes. He gives it to me

Toomanytealights · 15/02/2018 13:11

Zany that is my other son.

Ironically the one who got caught is the one we thought needed less support. He was just pulling the wool over our eyes. He's a kid,hy wouldn't he.

I refuse to learn the hard way with a wrecked education. He can piss it away at uni if chooses but it's my job to ensure he has the best chance of getting there in the first place.

Finishing a game at 1.30 the night before a test isn't that. Ds insists he does regulate,he says he switches screens off at 1.30 as that is his deadline. These games suck you in,you have all these good intentions and you can't switch off.

Too much screen time damages undeveloped brains. I have noticed that many of my dcs friends whose SC and texts ping downstairs into the small hours are those with mental health issues,unable to get up in the morning at weekend meet ups and not doing as well as they'd could in school.

ZanyMobster · 15/02/2018 13:23

Tea lights I like his style, nice try. So far DS1 is fine, high achiever at school and outside but I totally get why and how that could change so we will keep a VERY close eye on it all. I have absolutely no issue in imposing strict rules about if need be.

Toomanytealights · 15/02/2018 13:28

You have zero way of knowing what they are doing in their room if their phones are in there at night. They can make false accounts,switch off history and have them on silent. You can't say they are definitely self regulating.

Toomanytealights · 15/02/2018 13:32

I thought I was keeping a close eye. Turns out it wasn't close enough.

ZanyMobster · 15/02/2018 16:04

I will definitely be more careful from now on, thanks for the info. It's good to hear other's experiences!

sanpelligrino · 15/02/2018 16:11

Maybe I am not there yet but have a seven year old and zero intention of getting him a phone anytime soon. Maybe 15? and it wouldn't be a smart phone. Maybe an old style Nokia for texts. Witch I know. They can go blind on it when they pay for it and have done their exams.

JustBeingJobless · 15/02/2018 16:15

Ds is 12 in a few weeks and his phone lives in his blazer pocket, literally only coming out to charge occasionally, or ring me if the bus is running late. He just has no interest in it. His tablet, on the other hand, is glued to him! It charges in his bedroom at night and I’ve had no issues so far with him using it after lights out, but if he ever does, then it will being left downstairs overnight.

ZanyMobster · 15/02/2018 16:20

Sanpelligrino - we did wait till seniors and it's not an amazing phone (is a smart phone though) but a bog standard phone is sufficient really if they are out and about on their own and is how I felt at first TBH but he has a lovely group of friends and once homework is done they are on their group chat and really enjoy chatting to each other (mainly about football and xbox). I like that he has this with his mates so actually although I have no interest in what other parents or kids do it is nice that he has that social side.

MsHarry · 15/02/2018 16:22

Yes. After 9 It's bed for 13yr old and phone and iPad downstairs.

Screaminginsideme · 15/02/2018 16:23

No phones or electronic gadgets in the bedroom end of.

MsHarry · 15/02/2018 16:24

I can't see why they would need a phone when they are asleep.....

You'd be amazed at the messages DD had missed overnight. Lots in her class are on theirs at 2/3 am.Under the duvet I reckon.

Brighteyes27 · 15/02/2018 16:24

Yes we insist our 13 and 14 year olds leave both their phones and iPads charging downstairs over night.
I believe in my children going to sleep and relaxing and having some respite and relaxation from others when in their rooms at night. If they didn’t they would never sleep. If we go to bed at midnight occasionally their phones are on silent but we can see messages and snapchats pinging in at all hours.

BlindLemonAlley · 15/02/2018 16:24

I'm calling BS on the "I check their snapchat" comment. And if you ask your kids if their friends have "spam" insta accounts they will probably tell you they do. They wont tell you about their own, but they almost all have them. A 14 year old can outsmart us all.

^
This

I think many teens are pulling the wool over their parents eyes when it comes to social media. Most of them have more than one Instagram account, some of them even share a ‘spam account’ with friends. This is ok until there is an argument and one posts an embarrassing photo or video of the other and changes the password. This actually happened to DD and the friends Mum just wouldn’t accept that her angelic DD had set up a secret account and blamed my DD for everything

Screaminginsideme · 15/02/2018 16:28

It’s not that hard to police if you start right. Daughter has no idea of Apple ID or restrictions password. Setting are 9+so she can’t download any social media. We’ve had endless discussions on the reasons why and for the moment she accepts that. Be the parent

AthenaAshton · 15/02/2018 20:17

BlindLemon All my 14 yo's friends have "private" (sorry "privvvvvvvv") accounts with Instagram and SC. My own 14 yo included. They think we don't know...

Ski4130 · 15/02/2018 20:39

We take the phone off our 13 year old. Apparently that's harsh and noone else does it ..... quote unquote said 13 year old.

Brighteyes27 · 15/02/2018 20:47

Yes my son aged 14 and I would say all or most of his friends have umpteen Instagram accounts. They will let parents and anyone else follow them on one account but they have one or two private accounts as others have said a 14 year old can easily out smart parents and when they get onto snapchat you can’t check/spy on them as you can with Instagram as they disappear when you open them hence the name.
I try to protect my two as best I can by regular chats about social media and not allowing them technology after 9pm and definitely not in the bedroom after 9pm.

Hera2018 · 16/02/2018 00:13

try to protect my two as best I can by regular chats about social media and not allowing them technology after 9pm and definitely not in the bedroom after 9pm.
Good advice. It’s a combination of educating them, but also being the parent and setting some boundaries as games and social media are addictive.
I sometimes wish I had someone to take my phone off me at night (on MN past midnight again )

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